As we mentioned earlier, a portion of the camp is focused on pyrotechnics, with the goal of making theatrical explosions for movies and television. To that end, the campers get to create controlled "walls of fire," which are exactly what they sound like:

Missouri S&T
Provided you heard "the napalm scene from Apocalypse Now" when you read that.

They will also put together a fireworks show using commercial-grade ordnance that could blow the ass off of an elephant. On one hand, we assume the FBI monitors each member of the applicant pool for a minimum of five years after camp ends, but on the other, we still totally want to go.

The campers start small, with 2-foot jumps and simple mat tumbles, but by the end of their stay, they'll be punching and kicking each other off of 32-foot scaffolding towers and diving headlong into padded ravines, which are legitimately marketable career skills for a teenager living in California.

Pali Adventures
For example, some movie producer needs to hire this kid immediately.

They'll also learn stage combat, swordplay, and other faux-fighting techniques to ensure each one of them a role as a nameless henchman who gets his neck snapped by Jason Statham in a shipyard fire. At the end of the week, the campers participate in a choreographed stunt show involving every technique they've learned. We assume Michael Bay attends each show incognito to scout for the best Megan Fox lookalikes to shoot out of a cannon or whatever in his upcoming Ninja Turtles movie.

Pali Adventures
Not that many ninjas, from what we hear.

But if you want just a touch more realism, you'll probably want to turn things up a notch in ...

You'll be given room and board on a military base outside of Netanya, Israel (travel arrangements are up to you), where you will undergo weapons and tactics training taught by former Israeli commandos. The website guarantees that you will handle assault weapons like M16s and AK-47s on a daily basis, and you will be required to carry the Israeli Defense Forces standard Uzi on your person at all times, lest someone should ambush you on your way to the bug juice cooler.

You will also be trained in Krav Maga so you can break the shit out of any nefarious arms that foolishly attempt to grab you, and you will be thrown headfirst into dramatic training exercises, such as rescuing a bunch of hostages from a bus, to prove your worth to your commanders.

ICE Army Camp
The aforementioned bus has an odd prominence in most of the website's photos.

It all builds up to War Night, wherein you and your squad must plan an intricate covert operation and carry it out without getting pretend-murdered by ruthless enemy combatants. These stealth missions could be anything from planting listening devices in an opposing camp to stealing sensitive documents from a heavily guarded installation, easily beating out the paintball game you played at "Big Larry's Ball-Splatterin' Thunder Ranch" or wherever it was you went for last year's team-building retreat. It's essentially a fantasy camp for people who want to be Eric Bana in Munich.

Not many camps can give you PTSD, but a week's worth of Mossad combat experience might do the trick if you spend the rest of the year slumped behind a desk or a cash register. So the next time Joe-Joe from Receiving takes your clearly labeled lunch bag from the break room refrigerator, you can respond with deadly force and hip toss him through the Pepsi machine.

ICE Army Camp
You'll be having flashbacks to that goddamn bus for weeks.

Ninja Camp USA teaches you the shadow warrior's path of stealth and deception, fulfilling every tae kwon do class daydream you had as a child, with the notable exclusion of dancing mutant reptiles and Vanilla Ice. Both kids and adults can enroll to receive training in ninja weaponry (including swords, shurikens, and throwing stars), hand-to-hand combat skills, and Japanese history over the course of several days while wearing all black in the punishing summer heat.

Ninja Camp USA
Mark and Jake gave up, but Kenshi is committed.

Arguably the most important aspect of ninjutsu is stealth, as a non-stealthy ninja is essentially Jackie Chan, and he probably has his own fantasy camp. To reflect this, Ninja Camp USA places a heavy emphasis on nighttime stealth tactics, stealth competitions, and camouflaging techniques that teach you to utilize your surroundings, like when Arnold Schwarzenegger painted himself up with mud in Predator. There are also high-ropes courses for strength and agility training, because any ninja worth her salt has to be able to descend from above like a stabby raindrop:

Ninja Camp USA
"Guys ... guys, I'm stuck. Can somebody go find a trampoline?"

On completion, all campers receive a certificate of stealth to take home, which you can then hang on your wall along with your diplomas.

Ninja Camp USA
Tell us you wouldn't feel better talking to a therapist who had also graduated from ninja school.

Everyone also gets to take home a set of throwing knives and a ninja uniform, so they can put their stealth training to the test by robbing the hell out of the nearest gas station.

Unfortunately, Camp Rivendell wasn't exactly endorsed by J.R.R. Tolkien's estate, and the camp received a cease and desist order to change its name. So, they redressed the whole thing as Arcatheos, a thinly veiled Game of Thrones fantasy camp without any legally ensnaring references, but with most of the original programs intact.

Arcatheos
They do disembowel pregnant women, but not during weddings.

In addition to the swordplay and fort building, campers now learn how to live a "castle life," which is a fancy way of saying "bury their poop in piles of straw and be convinced everything around them is haunted." Also, the kids can return year after year and progress into knighthood, then subsequently mentor a whole new generation of Arcatheos squires, which isn't a bad way to spend five days every summer.