In case a squirt to the eye wasn't enough to dissuade some predators from attempting to make a snack of it, the hoopoe makes itself further unpalatable by covering itself with a foul substance produced by a gland near its anus. Once the bird has bathed in its anal secretions, taking care to cover every feather with enough ass oil to make it shine, the hoopoe comes away from its anal-leakage bath smelling like, well, what anything that had just smeared ass juice all over its body would.
Boy, it really feels like we should make a reference to The Situation right now.
Aside from making itself too disgusting for predators to eat, it uses these secretions to keep parasites away and to fight off bacterial infection. That's right: The hoopoe's anal juice is so potent that even bacteria won't grow in its presence.
Whales Use Shit Like Ninjas Use Smoke Bombs
The dwarf and pygmy sperm whales, like their larger cousin the regular sperm whale, do not get their name from the way they look like giant sea dildos. No, whales in this family get their name from the fact that there is a slimy whitish substance inside their heads. Early sailors cut open the whales, discovered the deposit of gooey gunk and thought to themselves, Boy does that look like semen. And the name stuck. That's not why they're on this list, of course.
"What beautiful creatures! Let's murder them and make crude jokes about our semen."
Dwarf and pygmy sperm whales, as their names suggest, are small and thus vulnerable to attack by predators. These little whales lack Monstro's bite size and his unruly disposition, preferring to keep to calm, deep waters, hidden away from danger. But when confronted by dangerous predators such as sharks or dolphins, the dwarf sperm whale secretes anal syrup into the water. It then stirs the water up with its fins making a cloud, and conceals itself within it. Once the danger has passed, the whale leaves its cloud of shit water and continues on its way.
Via Tony Wu Blog
Stay classy, pygmy sperm whale.
The dwarf and pygmy sperm whales are capable of producing enough shit to, well, conceal a whale, but what's truly amazing is that there's more whale crap where that came from. If pursued, a dwarf or pygmy sperm whale can release another cloud of excrement. And then another. One of the rare times when human beings actually had the good fortune to view these elusive whales in the wild, a mother and calf repeatedly hid in clouds of the mother whale's shit whenever passing dolphins got too close.
So does that mean that the dwarf sperm whale carries around copious amounts of extra excrement just in case? Are they vulnerable to attack if they've recently crapped out all the squid they'd eaten that week? No one knows. All we do know is that if you see a dwarf sperm whale in the ocean, you may want to rethink your trajectory.
The ocean is her own private bidet.
Crystal Beran can be found on her Internet home at crystalberan.com and on Twitter at @cryssfox.
For more reasons we should be wary of animals taking us over, check out The 9 Most Mind-blowing Disguises in the Animal Kingdom and 6 Animals That Just Don't Give A F#@k.
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