In movies, video games and comic books, the rich supervillain always has a giant floating, flying or rolling lair armed with lasers, equipped with an insane amount of protection and cluttered with gadgets and escape pods. Ridiculous, right? After all, who would actually build expensive vehicles just to sell to the supervillain demographic?
Well, ask whoever built ...
The 550-Foot Laser Yacht
Russians are well-known for producing huge things, mainly drinks, bombs and Ivan Drago. But one Russian in particular is known for his huge-ass boats. His name is Roman Abramovich, and he owns "Eclipse," the largest private yacht in the world, which, oh by the way, is something a James Bond villain would consider "too over-the-top."
It's the building in the middle.
It's almost as long as two football fields (557 feet) and has a German-built missile defense system. It also has radar and armored windows and -- this our favorite part -- camera-destroying lasers.
The lasers are a new innovation in the field of high-end craziness. According to The Times, the system works by automatically detecting the electronic light sensor inside any nearby camera and firing a high-intensity beam of light at it, destroying its ability to take pictures.
This image exists only because he hasn't built any lasers into his own body ... yet.
OK, but what if somehow (possibly through decades of ninja training), camera-toting, missile-holding paparazzi pirates managed to get inside the yacht?
Well, in that case, Abramoavich can simply walk into the goddamned built-in mini-submarine he keeps just for these occasions. It'll drop 160 feet into the water, protecting him and his 29-year-old wife from any harm.
Whatever you're thinking, he's like "I know!"