Then he finished his shift.
He only went to the hospital three days later for treatment of a potential infection. At the hospital doctors found an impressive infection and another surprise, the entire left testicle was missing (likely some lucky coworker stumbled upon it at work later in the week).
The doctor wouldn't release the man's name for privacy reasons, but we're surprised every corporation on earth doesn't have this guy on a poster in the break room, with the slogan, "Ask yourself: Would this man have called in sick with the sniffles?"
The Wedding Beastiality Video
A couple gets married and has the ceremony recorded. At the reception they decide to play the video, but instead of seeing the newlyweds exchanging vows, they are treated to a man exchanging fluids with a dog. And we don't mean via an I.V.
In 1994, Derek Jeffrey loaned a friend his camcorder to use at a wedding. Normally wedding videos are the sorts of things you let sit and get dusty in a closet along side the juicer you bought from HSN and grandma. On this day, however, they decided to watch the wedding video at the wedding reception, possibly because the bride had that memory condition from the movie Memento and couldn't remember what had happened earlier that day.
If that was the case, she was likely doubly confused when, instead of her nuptials, she and her guests were treated to a tape of a naked geriatric man's sexual conquest of a bull terrier named Ronnie.
Not Ronnie (probably).
Seems Derek had neglected to take the tape from his video camera and the camera man hadn't bothered to fully rewind to tape over it. When he was brought to court on charges of bestiality, his first defense was that he meant to erase the film, also known as the "I wouldn't have done it if I thought I'd get caught" defense, which rarely works.
Jeffrey went on to explain how it was an honest mistake. He said that he only made the tape after he and his buddies watched a porn involving people and animals. He then borrowed his neighbor's dog, presumably by not mentioning he wanted to defile the animal, and attempted to prove to his friends that the interspecies romance could be faked using camera tricks. And apparently this bit of myth busting required him to be completely naked.
Still, we like that he came very close to the "it was all done with CGI" defense that we've always wanted to try.
More Jackson can be found at The Last Gaffe.
Check out some more too-fucked-up to be true stories about sex in The 6 Strangest Objects People Were Caught Having Sex With. Or find out about some neat sex toys in 18 More of the World's Most Disturbing Sex Toys.
And check out some boobs in our Top Picks to see if you're still capable of achieving an erection.
We have some bad news: you believe as many myths about guns as you did about sex, that's doubly true for American History, and your favorite book sellers are now taking pre-orders for a text book written and illustrated entirely by the Cracked team! Hitting shelves in October, Cracked's De-Textbook is a fully-illustrated, systematic deconstruction of all of the bullshit you learned in school.
It's loaded with facts about history, your body, and the world around you that your teachers didn't want you to know. And as a bonus? We'll explain why the Bible has WAY more kinky sex than you'd expect.