Our second entry in the "lame-ass white kid wants to be a stone-cold criminal" category is Love and Consequences penned under the nom de bullshit "Margaret B. Jones."
In this fauxmoir, "Jones" claims she is a half American Indian/half white foster kid growing up in the baddest parts of South Central Los Angeles, a world renowned war zone. She details her life with her foster mother, "Big Mom," her various foster brothers and sisters (many of whom die in violent and tragic ways), her experiences as a drug runner for the infamous Bloods gang at the age of 13 and cooking up some crack cocaine to pay the water bill at the age of 16.
"Jones" is actually Margaret Seltzer: an all white, upper-middle class girl who grew up in the oh-so-dangerous, predominantly white, San Fernando Valley suburb of Sherman Oaks. That's right kids, the killer drug running chick is actually a true-bred "Valley Girl."
How did Seltzer manage to get away with this crap before her own family sold her down the river? Through the totally convincing use of street slang, yo. For instance, she would spell words with a "k" instead of a "c". What, you didn't know gang folk did that? In her own words:
"... I want people to understand how deep-seated the hatred really is between CRIPs and Bloods. CRIPs celebrate C-days rather than B-days (birthdays) and Bloods smoke bigarettes not cigarettes. The hate is so deep that, as a Blood, you automatically change the spelling in words with a c in them."
That's... plausible. Right?
Poor Seltzer didn't get the chances that Frey did, such as scamming Oprah on national television. No, before her book tour got started Seltzer was ratted out... by her own sister. So that probably made for an awkward Thanksgiving.
Seltzer got the idea, she claimed, by hanging out very briefly at Grant High School in a less affluent area of the San Fernando Valley. These were the stories, she claimed, of friends and acquaintances she had made during that time and she felt their stories should be heard.