Oh, by the fires of agony that swirl in my tortured heart, I declare this gunsword lamer than the last Cure album!
Want to use it as a gun? Well, too bad, you've got like 20 pounds of sword weighing down the barrel while you try to aim it with one hand. Want to put your hand on the end there to hold it up like a rifle? Congratulations, you've just joined the "I sliced off all my fingers with a fantasy weapon" club.
Want to use it as a sword? Also too bad, you've got to hold it by this idiotic little grip made for revolvers, and the first time you stab somebody you're going to get the tiny little barrel on the end crammed full of bad guy guts. So the next time you try to use it as a gun, it's going to blow your other hand off.
Pretty much the only use for this thing would be to mail it to the enemy the day before the battle in gift wrap, and pray they're stupid enough to use it.
Used By:
The Doctor Who enemy, the Daleks. Also janitors, plumbers, housewives and, you know, anyone who needs to plunge.
Why It Could Be Cool:
The Daleks managed to conquer the universe countless times despite their inability to climb stairs, so they have to have something going for them.
...What is this show about?
Why It Absolutely Is Not Cool:
Records are spotty, and the stories told around campfires are probably more legend than fact, but every little Dalek soldier grows up listening to the tale of the ancient Dalek warrior Lenny, the resourceful janitor who used his plunger to single-handedly fend off an entire battalion of overflowing toilets in the Great Sewage War. From that day forth, no Dalek has ever gone to battle without their trusty plungers.
The plunger isn't the Dalek's main weapon--that would be the egg whisk thing to the left--but it's still pretty useful. It can open doors, move things and strangle people.
You know what else can do that? Hands. Why the Daleks chose to go with plungers over hands is never quite explained in the series but, then again, neither is the fact that they only have one eye that can easily be covered with a hat.
We don't know how close the Doctor Who universe is to ours, but if its most feared soldiers look like they were put together out of whatever was lying around the kitchen, we guess it can't be all that bad. No wonder an unarmed, eccentrically dressed British guy with a posh accent and a phone booth time machine is able to beat them so easily.
If you liked that check out 8 Pointless Laws All Comic Book Movies Follow. And be sure to view the lovely ladies in Cracked.com's Top Picks or we'll be forced to use our awesome bat'leh skills against you.
Geoff Shakespeare
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