20

Detective Comics: 241

This is what happens when Batman is written by Liberace.

Also, Robin can call it red all he wants, but according to our Crayola box set, Batman's costume is actually pretty-princess-pink.

19

Batman: 48

"And that concludes our presentation of the Batcave. Any questions? Yes, you the kid in the back."

"So your bat-cave is right under Bruce Wayne's house?"

"You betcha!"

"And the only entrance is through a staircase connected to Bruce Wayne's house, right?"

"Right again!"

"So...so you are Bruce Wayne, then?"

"Ah- Oh. Well, that's an interesting question with a pretty --HOLY SHIT SMOKE BOMB! " ::Batman throws smoke bomb and runs off::

18

Detective Comics: 339

17

Detective Comics: 119

"And this is what I'm going to do to goddamn stupid Batman and Robin! I am going to throw this snowball with a rock in it right into their stupid faces! And then I'm going to kick them in their tiny dicks while they are on the ground going all 'Oooh! Please don't kill us Mister Criminal!'"

"Pete... Pete! For fuck's sake, shut up!"

"In a second, I'm telling Snow-Batman here what I'm about to do to his dead mother's corpse."

16

Batman: 133

Batman, Bat-Mite, Bat-Hound and Batwoman? This is so Bat-retarded we want our Bat-money back!

15

Batman: 122

14

Batman: 191

Yes, Batman is going to take off his clothes for money... like your mom.

13

Batman: 29

The Batmobile went through some weird design stages.

12

Batman: 196

Part 1 of the great 'Robin, stop asking stupid questions and look behind you' saga.

11

Batman: 209

10

Detective Comics: 106

"Hey, Ralph; I have to draw this cover and... are libraries the places with paintings or the places with books?"

"Are you shitting me, Bob?"

"Ha ha! Yes, yes... I am just kidding. Of course I know what a library is. I am not that dumb! What kind of moron doesn't know what a library is, am I right?"

9

Batman: 134

We think the cover artist is complaining about the writers' ability to write believable human beings. That's okay, the writer gets to defend himself next issue when he writes "Batman and the Strange Case of the Cover Artist Who Was Crushed by a Mountain of Dicks He Tried to Suck and His Mom Was a Big Whore, Too." (part 1 of 4)

8

Batman: 183

7

Batman: 222

Oh, for God's sake... IT'S PAUL!

6

Detective Comics: 320

Batman: MMMMffff! MhhhmMMff! BBBBrrrMMMMffff!

Robin: Mmmff MMF, BrrrMFFF!

Writers: I guess we didn't totally think this one through.

5

Detective Comics: 275

A menace to the eyes! And can't he just change his name to Zebra Man? Zebra Batman is just overkill.

4

Batman: 147

3

Batman: 204

"Okay, some asshole thinks Batman won't punch blind people, but I've got news: Batman loves punching blind people! This is so on!"

2

Batman: 246

"Alfred, tell the orphanage to send another one... a tougher one this time!"

1

Detective Comics: 126

Say what you will, but we are with Batman; electrocuted fat people are fucking hilarious.

For more comic books created under the influence, check out The 7 Crappiest "Super Heroes" in Comic Book History. Or see just how horrible parents can be on Episode 5 of S.W.A.I.M.: 6 "Adorable" YouTube Videos That Qualify as Child Abuse.

And check out Cracked.com's Top Picks because it's a Hanukkah tradition (trust us).