Meet The Osmonds, a clan of sex-crazed Mormon children with extraordinarily large heads.
What The Hell Were They Thinking?
The decade of the Seventies owes the universe a serious apology. In this instance, it's for defying the laws of nature and presenting the many, many Osmond boys as cartoony Jonas Brothers-type sex symbols. Which is ridiculous as soon as you take a look at the size of their ginormous heads or the way they sadly flail their arms and legs around in what has to be the worst animated dancing ever created.
Maybe the most shocking thing about this program, however, was not the audacity of presenting the Osmonds as sex symbols, it was the reality that the Osmonds were sex symbols. Seriously. These guys had your mamas having all kinds of wicked, dirty thoughts back in the day:
Yes, these guys.
We'll pause for a second so you can go wash that little bit of vomit off your teeth.
Not only were the Osmond boys major sex symbols in what will forthwith be known as "The Most Retarded Decade of the Twentieth Century" ("TMRDTC" for short) but they rubbed our noses in it by showing the toothy seven on their knees trying to woo all the women of the world while they fly around in their psychedelic airplane.
Memo to Mormon Church: don't let your little boy members animate themselves wooing the hands of many, many little girls from all over the world. It doesn't look good, you know, on the whole "polygamy" thing. And PS: floating detached heads of little girls in the sky doesn't look good either.