The 6 Creepiest Comic Book Characters of All Time

6

Comet the Super-Horse, from the Superman comics

Creepy Because: Bestiality.

Comet is Supergirl's pet horse. At first this sounds really cute, because girls love horses. Although, there is this book we once read in the Cracked offices called The Naked Ape that teaches us that girls like horses because riding them is the closest activity to non-threatening sex they can have. Not so cute anymore? Yeah, wait until you read how creepy it becomes with a stalker Super-Horse involved.

You see, according to the comic, Comet was once a centaur called Biron back in ancient Greece. He was turned into a full horse by a witch, though as a small consolation, he gained superpowers and kept his humongous horse penis.

Also, Comet periodically turns into a full human, at which point he does what any horse would do: Try to get laid with Supergirl before she can figure out he is really her horse.

You see, the horse is in love with the girl who, while he's in horse mode, dry humps his back as a means of transport. Comet never makes his feelings known and thus allows this arrangement to continue, much like those "nice guys" who orbit around a girl every day doing her favors, while complaining endlessly in their LiveJournals because the girl doesn't pay back their niceness with a blowjob.

That's right, Comet! The court's orders are meaningless!

And to make the whole thing even more unsettling, he is a super-horse, which zoologists tell us adds at least six inches in length and one in girth.

5

Ultimate Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch from The Ultimates

Creepy Because: Twincest.

The Ultimates is a modernized, alternate universe version of The Avengers where they finally figure out they are not really avenging anybody or anything in particular and that the name Defenders was already taken. Quicksilver and the Scarlet Witch are the twin son and daughter of Magneto. Just by taking a second look at that picture up there, unless you are a relative of that banjo playing kid from Deliverance, you can start guessing what their problem is.

Yes, both kids have decided to keep it in the family, and when we mean "it" we mean Quicksilver's penis, and when we mean "the family" we mean "his sister's vagina." In the beginning of the series, the incest was subtly implied and kept as a joke of something that happened off panel and could easily be denied, until the third series came around and we got this.

4

Starfox from The Avengers

Creepy Because: He's a mind-raping douchebag.

See that man in the picture up there who looks like he's going for a lifetime achievement award for outstanding achievements in douchebaggery? That guy is Starfox.

Starfox's real name is Eros, which easily wins hands down the "creepiest name you can give your child" competition. Unless your son is the Greek god of sexual attraction, or he is in an incredibly sexy baby, he probably can't live up to that name. So he had some measure of creepiness right out of the gate. It only got worse.

This is totally in context

3

Inner Child (Dorothy's Doll) from Doom Patrol

Creepy Because: Holy shit, get that thing away from us!

If the DC superhero teams were islands in the Pacific, the Justice League would be the Big Island of Hawaii, with its majestic beaches and luxurious resorts, while the Doom Patrol would be one of those islands with lepers. The Doom Patrol embrace all those superheroes who are too ugly to team up with anyone else.

We don't know how something that looks like Inner Child can exist in the same planet as Superman without Superman tossing him into the sun just on general principle. Anyway, he was found by Doom Patrol member Dorothy inside a Haunted House the team was using as headquarters at the time. We guess demoniacally-possessed property is very cheap in today's market. He befriended Dorothy who, as a very hairy 16-year-old girl with the face of a chimpanzee, could use all the friends she could find.

2

Proty from Legion of Superheroes

Creepy Because: He's a sentient spunk blob.

Proty is a small alien being that looks like something between a pile of dried-up bird crap and some form of gelatin made of semen. He was rescued by Chameleon Boy from a space zoo and quickly adopted as a pet. He carried him around everywhere on his shoulder like a parrot, except that parrots don't make you look like you have just been the star of a Japanese porn flick.

By his looks alone Proty, would normally deserve a spot in any list of creepy things, but like the rest of the characters in this list he had to make that extra effort and tapped some ass he shouldn't have tapped.

1

Terry Long from Teen Titans

Creepy Because: Look at him.

Terry Long from Teen Titans is a cross between a member of the Bee Gees and a Dutch porn star. He is the fist of the '70s hitting you in the face forever. Why is this jackass in the comic? Easy, he became the steady boyfriend and later husband of Wonder Girl.

Wonder Girl, if you didn't know, grew up on an island full of Amazonian women where no man could visit. These are the only circumstances we can think of where a girl (and remember these are the "teen" Titans) could think this divorced ex-college professor was the man of her dreams. Most people who dream about Terry Long end up rocking in a fetal position on the floor of their bedrooms, holding a knife and downing pots of coffee in a quest to never sleep again.

Who is the greatest hero in the DC universe? Superman, you say? No, it's the anonymous blond man in the above picture who blocks the terrifying view of Terry Long's polka dotted banana hammock.

Terry Long stained every page of Teen Titans when he appeared with his downright palpable, reptilian sleaziness. When Terry wasn't trying to blend in with the Teen Titans like a creepy uninvited uncle, he was openly hitting on Wonder Girl's female teammates.

Several issues later, after Terry managed to brainwash Wonder Girl into marriage, our suspicions were proven true. A team of Teen Titans from the future went back in time to kill the son of Terry and Wonder Girl. Why? Because he was going to grow up into pure evil, that's why! If the superpowered Hitler from the future had to come from somewhere, Terry Long's haunted testicles were one of the more likely places.

Finally in 1997 Terry Long died in a car crash, leaving the universe a substantially less sleazy place.