The 6 Most Insane Game Shows From Around the World

6

El Gran Juego de la Oca (Great Game of the Grey Goose)

Country of Origin:
Spain.

How to Play:
No, this is not an elaborate drinking game based on French vodka. Rather, it is an elaborate board game based on geese. Yes, someone in Spain decided to create an entire game show around geese, natures most terrifying animal ... what with the hissing, and the biting, and the shitting, and the feathers flying, and our mothers screaming, and the sirens ... we would rather they go with the vodka.

The idea seems simple and harmless enough. A contestant earns money by rolling virtual dice and progressing along a giant, twisting 63-square board game while being cheered on by the host, studio audience and "chicas ocas" (goose girls, who are all in varying stages of undress, naturally). When the contestant lands on a square, he or she either wins a cash prize or has to complete a "stunt." Finally, the contestant who gets to the end of the board is given a reoca (final stunt) that they must complete within a week to win a new car. Easy enough, eh?

Why It's Insane:
Unfortunately the "stunts" involve pain, humiliation and being kissed by fat, messy Italian stereotypes. Even worse, it sometimes involves getting your feet licked by a goat.

What is it with Spaniards and incorporating farm animals into their game shows?

Here's a fun sample of a few of the squares one can land on:

Space No. 8: The "stunt" here must be completed in the mud. Usually this involves finding a key or some such object. Meanwhile a female mud wrestler is "inhibiting" the progress of the player. Inhibiting is a nice way of saying "hurling about and generally emasculating."

Space No. 47: The player is locked inside an acrylic glass prison filled only with sand and boa constrictors. His goal? Find the key in the sand, get out and not die of snake-related asphyxiation.

Space No. 57: Here, the contestant is asked questions by a sexy woman in a nurse outfit. He must answer questions right or have his leg hair waxed off. Also, he must keep his heart rate down to a minimum, a theme later turned into an American talk show where John McEnroe screamed at people for 30 minutes. Oh yeah, did we mention the nurse is stripteasing the whole time? Because she is, and she's nude, very nude.

Theoretically one could win 800,000 pesetas and a car, assuming the player doesn't die of crushing, burning or snake-related injuries. Or, that they didn't lose it all during the "Cruel Roulette" round, where the contestant is attached to a giant roulette wheel and spun around, and whatever percentage value their head lands at is the percentage of their winnings they lose. Need even more reason not to appear on the show? 800,000 pesetas is only equal to roughly $6,000, an amount we're pretty sure an actual goose could win on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.

5

Downtown no Gaki no Tsukai ya Arahende!! (Downtown's "Not An Errand Boy!")

4

Le Bigdil (The Big Deal)

Country of Origin:
France

How to Play:
According to the Wikipedia entry, as deciphered by Google Translator, "Applicants must pass a test rather amusing to earn a certain amount of moneys or gifts from Bil, which had its saucer filled. Suffering from half of the game, the candidate had the ability to stop the game and take what was behind the curtain (or the garage during the last season). This could be both a car or bunch of leeks, but the interest of the game was that the candidate was completely unaware of what's hiding behind the curtain."

That sounded awesome, until we later found out it was just a French rip-off of Let's Make a Deal.

Why It's Insane:
Those wacky Frenchmen did make one small change from the American version: They replaced Monty Hall with an alien. The entire premise is that the host is a goofy interstellar benefactor who just happens to also be a Francophone and resemble French comedian Vincent Lagaf.

As the story goes, Bil the Extraterrestrial was zipping through space with his flying saucer filled with game show prizes, when he crash-landed in a French television studio. The studio naturally gave him a game show. We are only left to assume that Bil and his family are now being held captive on Earth and forced to continue doing this show until their incredible swag ship is entirely looted. The interstellar fleets of planet Fricus are presumably enroute for intergalactic war. Way to go France.

3

Tonneruzu no Minasan no Okage Deshita

Country of Origin:
Japan

How to Play:
You may have seen their Human Tetris bits on YouTube; basically the contestants are subjected to a series of games whose names begin with "Human" and end with whatever twisted idea the producers and writers come up with. Human Soccer, Human Shuffleboard, Human Tetris, Human Catapult, Human Misery.

Following is a clip from "Hyper!," which features human shuffleboard, a man in a skin-tight gray suit with a raging hard on, and women being strangled. It is indeed a winning combination. Look closely at 3:00, the exact moment it progresses from an innocent game into snuff porn.

The prize is apparently pork chops.

Why It's Insane:
Much like Downtown no Gaki no Tsukai ya Arahende!!, all of the contestants are comedians. Unlike Downtown, it's the same comedians each and every time, a comedy group called Tunnels. So, rather than this being a springboard into fame for some young comedians, it's the only fame these young comedians will ever get. They will forever be remembered as those guys who tried to jump through shapes on YouTube but got knocked into a pool of urine instead.

2

Distraction

1

The Intercept

Country of Origin:
Russia

How to Play:
Imagine, if you will, that someone offers to give you a new car.

"Fantastic!" You say. "I'm sick of driving this Le Citron full of onions, how do I sign up?"

"Well," They say. "We just give it to you."

"Sounds good," You say. "What's the catch?"

"Oh, it's not a big deal," they say, "you just have to drive it away while ... mumble mumble"

"Oh, OK, well that sounds good," You say.

Sure enough, you're given the set of keys to a brand new car, and best of all, all you have to do to get it is to drive it away ...

Why It's Insane:
If you had been clever enough to question this strange man offering you a car when he trailed off and said "mumble mumble," you wouldn't be in your current situation. You see, the car he just gave you just happens to have been reported to the police as stolen. It seems you just signed up to be on The Intercept, a hugely popular Russian game show. Your goal now is to evade the police for 35 minutes while speeding through crowded streets and down narrow tunnels. That's right; they basically invented a live action Grand Theft Auto game.