Earlier this week, Governor Schwarzenegger was the center of media attention, as all eyes turned to see if he would pardon reformed gang-banger ""Tookie"" Williams. Finding himself in a position in which his time-honored catch phrases would be wildly inappropriate, Arnold did the smart thing and made himself scarce. However, CRACKED obtained a copy of the notes that he turned in to the publishing house that is producing his biography. This is what Arnold was doing that day, in his own words. 8AM
Media event with flabby, underprivileged school children from Compton High School. Punched principal in arm playfully, not like last time.
Reminded the children of what is best in life: To crush enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women.8:30AM
During speech remembered that I had to decide whether or not to execute "Tookie" Johnson. Looked in the eyes of countless underprivileged black children. 9:00AM
Interrupted my speech, called San Quentin and asked for "Tookie". Once he answered, said, "Pardon"Â¦me I've got the wrong number." Laughed maniacally. 9:05AM
Asked the children "What are you looking at, haven't you ever seen a man laugh before?" 9:25AM
Stopped laughing. Noticed that the children had all left the gymnasium at some point during the last 25 minutes. Reminded myself to redouble fitness initiative in underprivileged neighborhoods.