Much is made about athletes putting performance-enhancing chemicals in their bodies, but what about the good folks in Hollywood who we look to for our non-sports entertainment?
Show: Mork & MindyActor:
CocaineClue That Something Was Up:
Of all of the forms extra terrestrial life has taken in popular culture, Mork is right behind ET as the alien whose ass we'd have the most fun kicking. To today's jaded audiences, Williams' performance as Mork looks more like a guy whose been given too much creative freedom and not enough Sweet'N Low in his cocaine.
If you think about it, Williams' entire body of work consists of either hyper-verbal lunatics flitting from topic to topic without the slightest attempts at transition, or weepy sad sacks meant to tug at your heartstrings. Sound like anyone you know? Either up and rambling or low and sad, without any in between? That's right, its your coke addicted Uncle Mark. Oh, shit, you didn't know Uncle Mark was a coke addict? Oh, jeez, this is awkward.
Another thing that clued us in to Williams' "motivating" factor was his stand-up routine during the '70s, which included jokes like, "Cocaine is God's way of telling you that you have way too much money." Yes, and Robin Williams being paid ridiculous amounts of money and hailed as "creative" because snorting cocaine is God's way of kicking you in the balls. Film:
AlcoholClue That Something Was Up:
In a film thats only real premise is that Dudley Moore is adorable when he's hammered, the producers were wise enough to cast a hammered Dudley Moore.
While there are a number of reasons one might suspect that Moore was actually imbibing on set, one of the most compelling has to do with the fact that, including David Gest's performance over a year long marriage, Moore's performance is, to date, the most convincing performance ever turned in by a man trying to act like he's genuinely attracted to Liza Minnelli. Two explanations are possible here. Either Moore is a fantastic actor who was able to overcome everything his body and soul was telling him, a thesis not really supported by the fact that we've never seen him in anything other than
. The other explanation would be that he was, "its closing time, I can only see out of one eye and I've gotta take something home" drunk during the entire film and was therefore able to convince himself Minnelli was attractive. We're not sure which. For all we know, Moore is a fantastic actor. But honestly, no one's that good.Actor:
Entire cast and crewFilm: Dazed & ConfusedPerformance-Enhancer:
MarijuanaClue That Something Was Up:
When a 20-something Matthew McConaughey stars in a film, you can pretty much guarantee that a few people on set are going to be putting it in the air. Add to that the fact that McConaughey and the rest of the cast's only real job throughout the film was to act stoned, and we're guessing that a steady supply of Visine is the only thing that kept this classic from looking like a tale of a conjunctivitis outbreak amongst a group of Chinese teenagers. "You couldn't handle that on strong acid man," but strong pot, well we're guessing thats what lends the movie its air of authenticity.
Pat Morita Film: The Karate KidPerformance-Enhancer:
AlcoholClue That Something Was Up:
The scene in which Daniel walks in on Mr. Miyagi throwing back shots to screams of "Bonsai" always felt out of place to us as kids. In a movie marked by sheer pop escapism, and set in some alternate universe where karate tournaments sell out auditoriums, this scene felt realistically sad and acutely based in the real world. We never could quite put our finger on how this piece of depressingly authentic acting slipped its way into the film.
That all changed when People
reported last year that Pat Morita died due to complications caused by a long term battle with alcoholism. Talk about a crane kick to the gut. Every fan of
The Karate Kid
had to feel at least partially responsible. After all, we should have seen it coming.
We can just imagine that day of shooting, "Cut! Wow, Pat that was, that was amazing. Very poignant. Pat, you can stop crying, the scene' over. Pat, leave Elizabeth Shue out of this. We're still trying to get her to sign on for the sequel. Oh Jesus, Pat please, pull your pants up."