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643 Comments

Recent Votes | Show Profanity
  1. Etherlad

    • 0

    You do realize that Vampirism, the overpowering and especially the forcefull penetration are Rape Metaphors, right?

    Reply
    1. seekthefate

      • 0

      Apparently it was rabies. Pale skin, aversion to sunlight, aggression, frothing at the mouth, they can go with either of them.

  2. Irishlad15

    • +2

    Y did Soren seem so... almost disgusted with michael at the end, he seemed pissed

    Reply
    1. ScoobyDx

      • +2

      I don't think any of them want to be left alone with one another.

  3. TannerJ.Banks

    • +3

    hers the thing if they are dead that means no blood flow, so no standing at attention, it would be a verry disapointing night for the ladies. but guys would do well cause the lady vampire wouldent get knocked up.

    Reply Hide All See All 4 Replies
    1. Acro

      • +1

      They are dead, yes, but that doesn't keep them from walking around either. The way I see it, to biologically explain vampires, is that the only major organs that actually work are their brain, stomach, heart and circulatory system (and muscles and that stuff). Their only source of food is blood so they eat nothing else and thus they have no need for a digestive system; it's the blood that keeps them going and everything that is directly 'powered' by blood, like the brain and muscles, are the only things that work. This includes the penis to an extent; they can't reproduce traditionally (only by draining someones blood, mixing that blood with their own and then giving it back to their victim creates another vampire) and so they wouldn't be able to ejaculate (if they did it would probably be blood..... yuck) or urinate. The blood of a human is what's keeping them going, but since they don't urinate then that blood must be absorbed by their bodies and leave no waste products. So the blood of their victims is swallowed, ends up in the stomach which is then somehow transferred to their heart that pumps it out to their brain, muscles and genitals. And once this blood is absorbed the vampire is usually weaked greatly and needs to replenish that blood to be able to keep going or go into a comatose sleep that can last for decades.
      And once they wake up from that sleep they jump the first victim they see without being able to controle much of their actions.

    2. Diabolus

      • 0

      That's a great theory and all, except for the fact that that makes NO GODDAMN SENSE WHATSOEVER.

  4. GabePuratekuta

    • 0

    I wanted to get a flamethrower at 0:58-1:01

    Reply
  5. NyarlathotepRlyeh

    • 0

    the boneus boys

    Reply
  6. kate55

    • -6

    date rich here-----------sugarcupid_com

    Reply
  7. sarabone

    • +6

    Being human is not aimed at teenagers. Being human is awesome. Or it was awesome for three series and then ok for 1.

    Reply
    1. TheSkaAssassin

      • -1

      Agreed.

  8. CrackedShot

    • +14

    Vampires don't sparkle... VAMPIRES DON'T F**KING SPARKLE!

    Reply
    1. GabePuratekuta

      • -1

      Agreed. Sunlight does nothing to them, like everyone else

  9. psicoanormal

    • +9

    I don't care about vampires who suck blood, I care about vampires who steal money from my wallet. Two quit that table without paying! That is true vampirisim.

    Reply
    1. DoomToYouAll

      • +9

      To be fair to Katie, Michael sort of hijacked her meal after disgusting her enough not to eat it and enraging her enough to leave...which for some reason I think was his whole plan all along.

    2. coughingfit

      • +5

      Also, after forcing DOB into that conversation without having actually seen or read Twilight, the least they could do is pay for dinner.

  10. Quickstriker

    • +3

    The Hellsing series is a much better portrayal of vampires as monsters. Some romance is in it and its nothing like twilight.

    Reply
  11. JoystickHero

    • +14

    So disappointed he didn't say "And started wanting to LAY vampires"

    Reply
  12. limanaid

    • +8

    I like Sorens Hoodie in this episode,
    And everything about Katie.

    Reply
  13. ICantSpellFCK

    • +5

    Please allow me the pleasure to ruin the sexual fantasy of every teenage girl since the early 2000's.
    Not being alive means being dead.
    Being dead means no blood circulation.
    No blood circulation means no erections.
    No erections means no necrophylia (Sorry ladies).
    P.S. I realise I might have spelled necrophylia wrong but I really didn't want to check how to spell it with google if you catch my drift. =p

    Reply Hide All See All 5 Replies
    1. vassago283

      • +8

      You almost got necrophilia right, but you also overlooked rigor mortis. Ew. I'll let you finish that thought while I punch my brain for thinking it.

    2. ICantSpellFCK

      • 0

      Im not sure that really works for your no-no place seeing as rigor mortis is for muscles, and a boner is when your number three body part on "E's Top 100 Sexiest Body Parts" fills up with blood. (God, that grosses me out every time I think of it.)

  14. calderscott

    • +3

    Vampires have always been sex symbols right from the beginning with dracula who is a total player banging three women at the same time and trying to get a fourth on the line by actually stealing her away from a guy whos a total pussy. Also vampires have always been pale, a trait that was considered very attractive at the time. and lets not forget vampirella, if she's not a sex symbol than I don't know what is.All of this way before twilight and way m***********g better than twilight. Pale chicks can be hot but why would any body be attracted to a scrawny pasty kid who's stuck in an eternal state of adolescence and who's favorite pass time is a literal FANTASY baseball league.

    Reply
    1. crashsapphire93

      • +8

      Actually, they weren't always sex symbols. The original vampire legends describe ugly, reanimated corpses who would infect and kill people by sucking their blood. Somewhat similar to today's zombies really. They came about as a way to explain and deal with plague. They made their way to Europe when the bigger powers of the Ottoman empire and civilized Europe tried to control Serbia and the surrounding countries. Then, it was there in Europe where they evolved into sex symbols. I would like to conclude this rant with thanks to my college class on vampires in film (which was every bit as awesome as it sounds).

  15. Nectra

    • -1

    >.> They're kind of more geared toward middle aged women than teenage girls. Those ladies go absolutely crazy for mushy, poorly-written, watered-down romance.

    Reply
    1. GabePuratekuta

      • +1

      Hence the popularity of "50 Shades of Grey"

    2. CeliaV

      • +1

      50 Shades of Grey is literally poorly written Twilight fan fic. I've seen excepts of it from friends before and it is utter trash. I've never read of watched Twilight (zero interest) but the original fan fic had the names "Edward" and "Bella" instead of whoever and whoever that was published. SAD WORLD.

  16. Pooglio

    • +6

    I voted for Katie because getting up and walking away from that conversation was probably what I'd have done. Also I liked Michael's shirt.

    Reply
    1. GabePuratekuta

      • 0

      Same. Although, I would've at the first mention of "Twilight"

  17. ThisgirlLu

    • +12

    When I first read Twilight I was a teenager in high school, and you know the reason why it first appealed to me? No, it wasn't because Edward was attractive, or I was confused/awkward sexually-- No, it was because the lead vampire was a genuine gentelman. Something I had rarely ever seen before, hell something I had never seen before (and if you disagree with me, it's because you've never had to deal with a teenage boy trying to get in your pants and doing it in completely inappropraite ways). He was romantic, and protective and generally awesome-- and that's why he appeals to teenage girls, because he's the ideal guy... who just happens to be a Vampire. But then if you think about it, Meyer did almost everything in her power to make him less like a vampire and more like a God.

    Of course now I can't read Twilight or watch the movies without laughing and/or cringing at the shallowness of it all, but that's not the point :)

    Reply Hide All See All 4 Replies
    1. Capitana

      • +9

      I think it's alright to like Twilight as a teenager. When I was 12 I loved Aaron Carter. Eventually the Twilight fad will fade away, like Aaron Carter.

    2. crashsapphire93

      • +3

      Really? I was just into it for the super-powered immortality.

  18. bfeliciano

    • +4

    I give this to Katie for the sole reason that she said "vampironic".

    Reply
  19. hallzl19

    • +15

    Michael is completely right about this. Stephanie Meyer is an avid Mormon, which is sex is approached as it is in the twilight series. It can't be done until after marriage, and Bella can't become a Vampire until after marriage. Its also why Bella won't listen to one word about an abortion even though her child is literally killing her from the inside.

    Reply
    1. emily_weirdnez

      • -4

      seriously, what happen's to a body when it's already dead for a long time? IT DECOMPOSE!! you all figure out the rest :|

    2. kneesus

      • 0

      I dated a Mormon in high school, there was no waiting for marriage. That would have made a very short book, 3 less movies, and saved millions of hours of dudes lives so they could have done much more productive things like eating cheetos and making their penises orange.

  20. tjw1090

    • +5

    Dan's view is a bit too deep for me, especially when you're useing Twilight as a reference. Also since when has feeling sympathetic towards someone made you attracted to that type of person? Ive never met a girl who was turned on my overweight nerds because on once shared the hardships of being one. In my opinion if your looking for a psychological reason I would have to say that Swaim was the pretty dead on. Most of these new age vampires deal with awkwardness of maturing and embracing ones' sexuality. But to be honest in my opinion every one wants to have sex with vampires because they're portrayed as physically attractive people, same reason most people want to have sex with any one else.

    Reply

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