Does Not Compute: The World's Most Horrifying Toilets

oprahsweave

01/03/12 09:24 PM

• 0
• 1
• 0

does anyone have a link to that first video? jesus christ that made me laugh so hard : D

PoorEdgarDerby

12/21/11 09:20 PM

• 0
• 0
• 0

Are you kidding me?? Robots aren't real.

NaethanAeterna

10/12/11 12:13 PM

• 0
• 0
• 0

So glad Swaim is back doing this type of stuff. Swaim, just so you know... Your show makes me laugh like no other. Thank you.

stinkbomer90

08/17/11 08:35 AM

• -28
• 0
• 28

nooo dont try and be like tosh.0

1. 

   BlackHoleBird

   08/21/11 09:51 PM

   • +26
   • 26
   • 0

   Are you f*****g joking? Michael Swaim's show was around BEFORE Tosh.O.

2. 

   CodiferL

   09/02/11 02:59 AM

   • +9
   • 11
   • 2

   Noooo! Tosh.0 and Swaim are BOTH hilarious, just usually in very different ways.

3. 

   MrDerpe

   12/29/11 03:40 PM

   • 0
   • 0
   • 0

   You fail stinkBONER.

4. 

   FireCrotch1

   01/06/12 09:24 PM

   • 0
   • 0
   • 0

   The difference is, if i dont feel like watching Does Not Compute but i still wanna be on cracked i can do so. About one in 8 shows on Commedy Central is Tosh.0

scottagross

08/15/11 04:55 PM

• -24
• 0
• 24

Are you kidding me?? This guy is NOT funny.

1. 

   GaryOak

   08/16/11 11:03 PM

   • +11
   • 11
   • 0

   You know what is funny? Your profile picture. Mad bro?

2. 

   Shevanel

   09/22/11 03:33 PM

   • +8
   • 9
   • 1

   Scottagross makes clown toilets for a living.

3. 

   MrData

   10/12/11 11:02 PM

   • +1
   • 1
   • 0

   scottagross is clearly the creepy fellow who wished to be the toilet in the women's bathroom

meh12

08/15/11 12:44 PM

• +4
• 4
• 0

Is it wrong that this video gave me a boner?

meh12

08/15/11 12:43 PM

• 0
• 0
• 0

Is it wrong that this video gave me a boner?

SirWilliams

07/21/11 02:46 PM

• +1
• 1
• 0

They really need to bring back this series.

Iamjack18

07/21/11 10:56 AM

• +3
• 3
• 0

Michael Swaim you are a funny motherfucker!

BeejH

07/21/11 08:36 AM

• +5
• 5
• 0

"I'm your host, Mystery Science"
I did not think it was possible to love you more. I was wrong.
(tHE MasTeR aPprOVEs Of tHIS vIDeo)

Marquez962599

05/31/11 07:35 PM

• -4
• 0
• 4

I paid $32.67 for a XBOX 360 and my mom got a 17 inch Toshiba laptop for $94.83 being delivered to our house tomorrow by FedEX. I will never again pay expensive retail prices at stores. I even sold a 46 inch HDTV to my boss for $650 and it only cost me $52.78 to get. Here is the website we using to get all this stuff, FullBids.com

1. 

   Sprinkle-459

   07/21/11 02:47 PM

   • 0
   • 0
   • 0

   Please, go die in a hole.

2. 

   jp0249107

   08/15/11 07:01 AM

   • 0
   • 0
   • 0

   I WILL DESTROY YOU! I'M THE KING OF PUMPS MOTHERFUCKER!

3. 

   tommy3736

   11/06/11 08:17 AM

   • 0
   • 0
   • 0

   NOBODY CARES!

4. 

   tommy3736

   11/06/11 08:17 AM

   • 0
   • 0
   • 0

   Cool story, bro!

KimuraOkagawa

05/17/11 12:08 PM

• 0
• 0
• 0

The guy wished to be a toilet... okay, my brain just segfaulted.

moviemistress95

05/08/11 01:17 PM

• +1
• 1
• 0

GOD DAMNIT! WHEN IS THERE GOING TO BE NEW DOES NOT COMPUTE! and i want clipy back...

1. 

   Rosello6

   05/09/11 12:29 PM

   • +1
   • 1
   • 0

   Maybe after the 3rd and last season of AoC.

2. 

   BonestoPaste

   05/18/11 12:55 AM

   • +2
   • 2
   • 0

   There's only three seasons?! Noooooo!

3. 

   Janem

   07/09/11 02:46 PM

   • +1
   • 1
   • 0

   This is way better than aoc, I don't care about that, more Swaim, stat!

spacemonkey514

12/17/10 08:50 AM

• +4
• 4
• 0

"No! Don't climb inside of it..."
I shouldn't have been drinking anything while seeing that XD

1. 

   Bannef

   01/28/12 11:30 AM

   • 0
   • 0
   • 0

   They tend to... Die.

DUDEMANPIG

09/16/10 07:24 PM

• -5
• 0
• 5

i saw that guy one tosh.0. congrats mr.steverooster85. you may have been ridiculed by swaim, but youve also been ridiculed by daniel tosh, the comedian michael only wishes he can be.

1. 

   Blusky

   11/03/10 06:47 PM

   • +3
   • 3
   • 0

   Do you mean the unfunny douche making the same jokes since the first season of his show for people too lazy to be an active citizen of the Internet?

2. 

   tread

   12/18/10 05:43 AM

   • +3
   • 3
   • 0

   Yeah, Tosh.0 isn't nearly as good or as funny as DNC or Cracked TV. Swaim needs to make more before I find myself watching Tosh.0 for lack of anything better.

3. 

   K94

   04/14/11 08:27 PM

   • +2
   • 2
   • 0

   If anyone wants to be Daniel Tosh, I'd hate to see them. Way to shoot for the bottom of the barrel. That's like a kid wanting to grow up to be a president like Franklin Pierce.

4. 

   Necroskull

   05/23/11 05:06 PM

   • +1
   • 1
   • 0

   Why are you even on Cracked?Swaim has been around longer than Tosh,and K94 was completely right.

5. 

   Shevanel

   05/29/11 11:23 AM

   • +1
   • 1
   • 0

   DUDEMANPIG actually thinks Swaim came after Tosh... you're silly. Swaim was doing this first, and he's actually funny.

6. 

   thathobo

   06/07/11 06:41 PM

   • +1
   • 1
   • 0

   I like both of these guys. Granted, Swaim seems to get more laughs from me, but Tosh has a normal length show, not five minutes. Plus, his show doesn't take forever to load on my TV. Overall, if Swaim put out a thirty minute show, he'd be funnier. Tosh is funny though. Don't hate him because you ain't him. That's like all the dudes who hate Beiber.

7. 

   wings

   07/22/11 06:31 PM

   • +1
   • 1
   • 0

   DUDEMANPIG, I am offended by your existance.

8. 

   CodiferL

   09/02/11 03:03 AM

   • +1
   • 1
   • 0

   It's weird that the concurrent productions of Swaim and Tosh.0 bother people. How about considering them non-overlapping magisteria (or more reasonably, different flavors of a sort of genre) and just move on.

ahanix

08/19/10 11:20 AM

• -4
• 0
• 4

How to create a Michael Swaim video:
10 second intro
60 seconds of unrelated "Meet my cohost, random YouTube personality or other online video"
At 1:15 mark, introduce actual topic of video
Spend up to 2 minute showing examples of topic along with jokes about each, but do not explain the context of the actual examples.
At halfway point, "Well, that about does it for this episode, but before we go..." and introduce random "extended-title joke of the week", holding a very slim relation to video topic, along with its own jokes.
Done. Overall length: 4 minutes. Length of actual content pertaining to topic: 75 seconds Humor: Minimal. It's the Family Guy method of episode creation.

1. 

   Bart-Dick

   08/20/10 02:35 AM

   • +2
   • 2
   • 0

   You showed him! He'll probably stop making videos now! Well done

2. 

   Bart-Dick

   08/20/10 02:35 AM

   • 0
   • 0
   • 0

   You showed him! He'll probably stop making videos now! Well done

3. 

   DUDEMANPIG

   09/16/10 07:20 PM

   • 0
   • 0
   • 0

   hey bart stop spammming

4. 

   basetornado

   10/05/10 05:02 AM

   • +1
   • 1
   • 0

   Wow I wish I could be as hilarious as you ahanix.

5. 

   Fladnag13

   05/03/11 09:19 PM

   • 0
   • 0
   • 0

   Damn it Bart-Dick, you jinxed it.

6. 

   Shevanel

   05/29/11 11:23 AM

   • 0
   • 1
   • 1

   Except Swaim is funnier than Seth McFarlane, so there you go.

MarcusVanRiet

07/20/10 10:04 PM

• 0
• 0
• 0

video doesnt work

1. 

   deviant21

   08/04/10 06:05 PM

   • 0
   • 0
   • 0

   try disabling the ad blocker

2. 

   KimuraOkagawa

   05/17/11 11:24 AM

   • 0
   • 0
   • 0

   Works just fine for me, and I CAN'T disable my adblock (security reasons). The only blocked items reported are the usual ad providers, FB Connect (security reason), and Google Analytics (also security reason), none of which have anything to do with Cracked's video player system (that'd be */player.swf).
   
   Holy disgusting urinals, necropost.

Hippohumper

07/08/10 05:18 AM

• 0
• 0
• 0

I'd like to find the people that came up with these toilets and burn them with lighter fluid,or oil, or any flammable liquid really. Especially the guy that cam up with the hoe-latrines(hotrines). Seriously wtf? What sane man would want to stick his dick in a place were other dicks have been? One of the very simply ways to avoid getting VD is to not stick your manly parts on the surface of a public urinal! It is one of the Man Laws, up there with never eating salads and liking Russell Crow movies.

1. 

   Mercinary284

   09/18/10 07:33 PM

   • +1
   • 1
   • 0

   Salads? I personally enjoy a refreshing salad right before pouring herpes on public urinals.

2. 

   Onilwyn

   01/17/12 03:26 AM

   • 0
   • 0
   • 0

   Well it seems to me that the man who created these toilettes figured that since prostitution has been around since man stepped forth upon this Earth ( and isn't that whole sticking your dick in a place other dicks have already been a huge part of that?) He had a pretty good idea… at least urinals can be completely sanitized, I have never heard of a whore who washes her twat with bleach.

imhere460

06/23/10 11:41 PM

• 0
• 0
• 0

Is there a special reason why I can watch a 30 second commercial without a hitch, but I can't get through 10 seconds of the actual video before having to wait 5 minutes to watch another 10 seconds of video?

Shalanie1982

06/20/10 08:04 PM

• 0
• 0
• 0

wtf?