HBN: Male Figure Skating Tries to be Less Gay (And Fails)

lol figure skating now is totally gay from what ive seen

08/24/2009 03:15:00 PM

explodibur

I dunno if I'd call this my favorite HBN yet, but damn, this this make me laugh. The Hannity & Colmes gay joke in particular. And body-checking and punching in figure-skating would probably make me watch the sport. :D But I guess that's what hockey's for. I didn't think it was possible to disturb someone and get a song stuck in their head at the same time... you proved me wrong with that last clip. >_

06/09/2009 08:36:00 AM

PATH

MY EYES!!! OH DEAR GOD MY EYES!!!

05/31/2009 09:04:00 AM

cutslasher

OMFG! The last part made my eyes bleed!!! Damn you GStone! Damn you!!!

05/25/2009 02:17:00 PM

karlojey

elvis stojko... stojko means dick in serbian-croatian-bosnian

05/20/2009 12:05:00 PM

milestarcar1994

asdf asdfasdasd

05/19/2009 09:48:00 PM

madmad

omg that last clip was terrifying.

05/18/2009 07:05:00 AM

yesbutnotyou

Well, to be fair, skating does actually require a lot of athleticism, strength and stamina. Ballet, too, and these sports are not taken seriously, especially when men are involved. I'd like to see any one of the Cracked readers try to do either sport, and then I'd laugh at how they all failed miserably. That being said, yes, it's still totally gay.

05/15/2009 11:25:00 AM

kazarkus

Plushenko's sex bomb was friggin hilarious, now if only he did that during the Olympics....

05/14/2009 11:45:00 PM

Pelephant

Now, guys and gals, try not to rewind the video to the Porno Vest scene. That's what I thought.

05/14/2009 12:33:00 PM

paperduckie

the thing that sucks is that the stripping skater guy is wearing a muscle suit. soooo..... close.

05/14/2009 05:05:00 AM

bunni

So I got involved with my actual life for a few weeks and stopped playing with my Internet friends. The price I pay? I fucking MISSED shirtless blogging!! This is the story of my life. I finally get exactly what I want and I'm off doing something else. Also, this is more ice skating than I've seen in the last 5 years. I had forgotten how hilarious it is. A guy named Elvis giving a speech about being macho? Thanks, G-stone.

05/14/2009 04:14:00 AM

greengoddess

you win this round gladstone...

05/13/2009 05:04:00 PM

LestertheMo

WTF? Everyone in this episode looked like a gay figure skater!

05/13/2009 12:19:00 PM

AmbroseKali

lol...really? I found a place that many players are hoo king up with hot models, seems the club called: __Tallmingle Co M___, do you hear this before?

05/13/2009 08:44:00 AM

Shirleyxx

Ah, Plushenko doing sexbomb, always a great way to start the day

05/13/2009 02:02:00 AM

Chary

make a wish

05/13/2009 12:56:00 AM

meancookie89

Great to see you back, G-Stone. The gay voice-over was hysterical!

05/13/2009 12:20:00 AM

josie

yes this is a great one deffinatly one of my favorites....so when did you do that movie

05/12/2009 08:18:00 PM

Osirisgod

@theheadcase. yes. i plugged "gayest figure skater ever" into youtube and that was the first hit. it took longer for me to pick the best PART of the clip than to find the clip.

05/12/2009 07:51:00 PM

G-Stone

LOL, this one made me crack up. Well played G-stone. ...and LMAO polly.

05/12/2009 07:50:00 PM

icanhazbuttseks

did you find that final clip by just searching for gay figure skaters. Because if that's not the number one result I'd hate to see what is.

05/12/2009 06:27:00 PM

theHeadCase

oh my this was hilarious

05/12/2009 06:22:00 PM

Santamaycry

Your facial expressions are always perfectly executed. Way to go, G.

05/12/2009 06:16:00 PM

Wren

Now THAT was the hate by numbers I know and love. Huevos to you, G-stone.

05/12/2009 06:14:00 PM

das_w00tman

Your chest is amazing.

05/12/2009 04:54:00 PM

starberry

Oh no. NO. Not Elvis stinking Stojko! No! He was terrible! All he did was zoom around and jump. No artistry, no beauty, just jumps - he was terrible! AUGH! Don't listen to him! And it's funny to have frilly outfits in figure skating. I like male figure skating. I don't assume the skater wearing the sparkly jumpsuit is automatically gay. Why try to emphasise "masculinity" by saying that wearing a decorative outfit makes you girly? Isn't that just making stereotypes worse? Bleah. Hey! Shut up Cyd Whatsisname - I like figureskating AND hockey! And . . . and . . . I remember that Evgeni Plushenko sex bomb routine. That was traumatising. This is funny, though; I'm glad HBN is back.

05/12/2009 03:56:00 PM

Shrimp

HBN likes to obliterate gay guys. In the butt.

05/12/2009 03:56:00 PM

POLLY

Oh sorry forgot to mention, it is quite te hilarious video!

05/12/2009 02:52:00 PM

Esmoreit

Figure skating and Hockey have already been mixed in this Dutch commercial (don't worry, no speech) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhZFOVDgrYg

05/12/2009 02:51:00 PM

Esmoreit

You're right CKeil your video's are way better

05/12/2009 02:47:00 PM

Violator

Hate by Numbers is easily the worst column on Cracked, Gladstone really isn't funny. It might be better if written, rather than performed, but honestly, in every episode Gladstone sounds like he's super bored, rather than hateful. The signoff line is also shameful.

05/12/2009 02:20:00 PM

CKeil

Video player isn't working :(

05/12/2009 02:19:00 PM

stewie2487

Amen, whitenerd.

05/12/2009 02:17:00 PM

GoreTaco

i dunno about you guys, but i'd totally watch figure skating if there was punching and body checking.

05/12/2009 02:08:00 PM

whitenerd

I suggest turning it into a likeness of street skating but of course on ice, with ramps, rails, and incredibly dangerous half pipes (the last part is mainly for schadenfreude)

05/12/2009 02:05:00 PM

magicalpants

Ooo a HBN mockign ABC instead of CNN this time.. what a nice change of pace....

05/12/2009 01:39:00 PM

ruffletuffle

Gwar figure skating would kick so much ass, I would totally learn to skate so I could be a slave of theirs.

05/12/2009 01:00:00 PM

DraconianKing

Really funny, this is probably one of the most pointless news stories I've ever seen.

05/12/2009 12:58:00 PM

Konner7

Elvis Stojko certainly didn't help promote machismo in male figure-skating when he choked on the cock in both Olympics he represented Canada in...

05/12/2009 11:47:00 AM

pynal

He looks like a ice-devouring sex tornado...

05/12/2009 11:42:00 AM

TheCatsPyjamas

Best HBN ever, by some distance. Don't let it go to your head, though. It's not like this clip was really difficult to mock. Still, well done.

05/12/2009 11:36:00 AM

Wanderer

Now I realize what Ranger fans mean when they yell "Potvin Sucks."

05/12/2009 11:05:00 AM

Cube13

Hilarious as always.

05/12/2009 11:03:00 AM

Erinthebitch

I'm not sure about that!! All my hot and sincere friends on ____Tallloving C om___ are talking about this!! BTW, it's the place where hot models and sex y young men;and handsome folks with sensu al chick s meet and mingle! You may wanna check it out!LOL

05/12/2009 09:55:00 AM

Shirleyxx

For most Canadian men, watching figure skating is usually the unpleasant reciprocal end of a deal with the wife/girlfriend to let us watch a hockey game that aired during the season finale of Friends. Figure skating (gay or otherwise) sucks, even if the girls do have fantastic asses. All you can do is suck it up and hope for the odd chance to TiVo a crotch shot.

05/12/2009 09:53:00 AM

jonnyt

This was absolutely fantastic, Gladstone. Out of all the HBNs you've made, this is definitely in the top 5.

05/12/2009 09:36:00 AM

Tartra

That last clip is utterly terrifying. Nice job, G-Stone.

05/12/2009 09:16:00 AM

babyfloats

as a gay man, i have to warn you: take away figure skating, and (american) football might be where we go. think about it.

05/12/2009 08:41:00 AM

dystopic

excellent.

05/12/2009 08:19:00 AM

robotlove

Holy crap. Sex bomb indeed. Hey GStone, let's make babies. Or practice anyway. Wear the vest.

05/12/2009 08:13:00 AM

Tori

@Bujold , I would pay large amounts of money to see Gwar figure skating!

05/12/2009 08:11:00 AM

lounsey

"Less gay figure skating: now with 150% more Gwar, monster trucks and explosions!"

05/12/2009 08:07:00 AM

Bujold

@maldonsfecht, this confuses me. The person at 1.40 is *not* Gladstone.

05/12/2009 07:56:00 AM

lounsey

Wow... at 1.40 Elvis could without a doubt pass himself off as Gladstone or vice versa... just change the hairstyle and setting... you two brothers? long-lost cousins? horribly manufactured clones?

05/12/2009 07:53:00 AM

maldonsfecht

Excellent video. Also, hot damn, who was the guy at the end?

05/12/2009 07:42:00 AM

Yojan

OK, yeah the girlie voice was hilarious.

05/12/2009 07:34:00 AM

Cherlindrea

BTW Elvis Stojko - :) Stojko (in Macedonia, and Serbia, and most Slavic countries for a fact) means dick. :) Paradox? :)))

05/12/2009 07:32:00 AM

pcjodamaster

I was waiting to see what character you were going to come out with for this segment. I was half expecting you to be in spandex. I was actually relieved at the sight of the "Johhny 10 in the middle" skate delivery guy. "Gay guys obliterating each other..." classic.

05/12/2009 07:01:00 AM

Daisho

Well I liked it. Thanks Gstone

05/12/2009 06:56:00 AM

DapperDaveIa

Nice shot at Fox! Those two are totally in the closet.

05/12/2009 06:29:00 AM

Onodera

Why does HBN always have a potentially scarring video clip?

05/12/2009 06:18:00 AM

greeenhaze

Ahhh, wearing the tight Spandex of controversy. That's what put -me- through college. Great video, Gladstone, still very happy to have HBN back. Also, did you grow that chest hair yourself? It looks photoshopped.

05/12/2009 06:03:00 AM

grandpapaw

Hmm...the title of this intrigued me...but when I saw it was by Gladstone I decided not to watch it. Boooorrriiinnngg. The dude is boring. Puts me to sleep. That sorta thing.

05/12/2009 05:56:00 AM

NickFrenzy

Man Gladstone, find some other material than these news reports. I'm thinking another music video?

05/12/2009 05:50:00 AM