HBN: The World's Saddest Football Game Is Mistaken for News

Yeah, it must have been a slow news day because High School football is SOOOOO much more important then North Korea threatening to nuke us of the map, or the riots in Iraq. SOOOO much more important!

06/25/2009 08:13:00 AM

Tamborine.Sam

Was he-in-the-middle wearing an L.B.D. at the end there?

05/18/2009 08:54:00 PM

DemstarAus

I hate CNN, High School Football and people. I agree with Gladstone, this is not news, it's as bad as those fucking South Korean glowing dog clones.

05/15/2009 01:49:00 PM

Tom_Servo

Gladstone, what the hell man? you should really consider bringing back those child laborers. you suck without them.

05/10/2009 03:49:00 PM

das_w00tman

I thought HBN ended?

05/10/2009 04:46:00 AM

Dondadon

gladstone, i say this with utmost respect, you are, infact, a whore

05/09/2009 09:42:00 PM

gotbass7

I was beginning to think that this HBN wouldn't be quite as good as most of the others. The ending changed my mind completely.

05/09/2009 04:41:00 PM

FuryofSinzy

Oh god, the middle Gstone is just too damn sexy.

05/09/2009 08:37:00 AM

fr0_mistre55

Theme song is The Night by Morphine.

05/08/2009 11:00:00 PM

zooeykarma

Sexy ending, just the way I like it.

05/08/2009 02:30:00 PM

Ydoc

What's the theme song?

05/07/2009 07:53:00 AM

Aniline

Recently, I found a hot club---SeekBi.com---just for sexy gals and guys to find their cupid. Come on, sexy singles. Don't miss your lover.

05/07/2009 02:11:00 AM

fulllovegirl

@lbh In the older series of HBN gladstone wrote a blog post to accompany each week's video, and that week's HBN video was also embedded in the blog post as well as being posted under the videos section. No blog posts means nothing on Gladstone's blog to embed the vid onto, so that's why it isn't there.

05/07/2009 01:05:00 AM

lounsey

ah gladstone....i see we are as one in our hatred of stupid news anchors AND ridiculous school spirit stories....especially the school spirit

05/07/2009 12:07:00 AM

rachelgail16

How come your vid.'s aren't posted in the columnist section under "Gladstone"? Just curious.

05/06/2009 07:24:00 PM

lbh

A new HBN is always a good start to my day.

05/06/2009 05:10:00 PM

ElNimrodo

Hey, Journey is awesome. But it was still really funny.

05/06/2009 04:02:00 PM

Mrs.Lovett

Gladstone kicks ass. He looks a little beat up though.

05/06/2009 01:10:00 PM

whosthatguy

Weeeeee!!! Another tantalizing glimpse of Gladstone's chest. I don't even care if he was pretending to be a woman. I'm that pathetic. That story came out a while ago. Been busy? Anywhoooo...Funny or unfunny, if you continue flashing the man-fur, we gals will be happy to keep watching. ;)

05/06/2009 01:05:00 PM

lbh

some people are offended by gladstone's attempt to, and i quote, "put his brand of humor on everything". really? in his own humorous videos? shame on him. think before you speak....actually, just go on and hang yourself with an extension cord. another winner gladstone. keep 'em coming.

05/06/2009 12:03:00 PM

BobbyD84

Awesome end.

05/06/2009 07:48:00 AM

vato_loco

Lol... PlayMadness has some testosterone problems! :p

05/06/2009 07:16:00 AM

PedroAzevedo1

Good lord this show blows chunks. Please remind me why he decided to come back and do this again? The time when he was gone and Michael Swaim started the Crack TV segments was the best period for this website. Gladstone just makes everything boring and mundane trying to put his brand of humor on everything.

05/06/2009 04:45:00 AM

NickFrenzy

I'm not gonna lie, that ending was disturbing.

05/06/2009 12:57:00 AM

Keralastic

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05/05/2009 11:12:00 PM

opheliasin

That was excellent like usual. I love the two other anchors you found to work with you. Hope they work out!

05/05/2009 10:52:00 PM

Ganon

boy, i really wish i could watch videos on this website. sadly, i've never been able to.

05/05/2009 08:40:00 PM

caitlin_alexa

you're the night, Lilah a little girl lost in the woods

05/05/2009 06:54:00 PM

wizardofchron

"I actually shed a tear on the day I found out HBN was being discontinued." You lose all toughness credibility when you cry over an internet video, no matter how much you love it. Sorry.

05/05/2009 06:26:00 PM

a_penis

Yeah! loved the ending.

05/05/2009 05:43:00 PM

Jmx70inNJ

"Oh no! He sucks again!" -Oscar Wilde on Gladstone - So true. Dude just check any video by Michael Swaim to get some basic idea how is this strange thing called 'comedy' done.

05/05/2009 05:39:00 PM

lordbulb

"Oh no! He sucks again!" -Oscar Wilde on Gladstone

05/05/2009 05:28:00 PM

BlackMesa

@whogivesafuck It took a petty football rivalry that amounted to what, absolutely nothing in his life afterwards, to become healthy enough to not need fatass medications. If you need a better example of a personal purpose fueled by external sources that was more disturbing then your shit out of luck.

05/05/2009 03:32:00 PM

magicalpants

@Firecrotch So this gay guy and this black guy walk into a bar an.... I think I get your point...

05/05/2009 03:19:00 PM

Frenchfence

Mario Lopez impersonators, that's news-worthy my friend.

05/05/2009 03:11:00 PM

Konner7

Great show as always :)

05/05/2009 02:50:00 PM

niall

@Gladstone If your show didn't piss anyone off, it wouldn't be funny. Nearly every funny thing ever has pissed someone off. I challenge someone, anyone, to tell me a joke that doesn't insult anyone, isn't crude, and that you could tell to your grandmother. It can't be done.

05/05/2009 02:37:00 PM

Firecrotch

@Playmadness I don't enjoy upsetting you, especially if you like what I do. But I would think as someone who used to enjoy HBN, you'd realize I'm just joking. I'm SURE your town is no lamer than where I grew up. And assuming the tone of the smartest guy in the room is kind of the HBN personna. Y'know, the way DOB pretends to be dumb or Brockway pretends to be funny? (just kidding Robbie, you pwn me.) Anyway, no hard feelings. HBN is supposed to piss some people off and I suppose the last 4 have done a better job of doing that that the original series. Also, i was never "discontinued:" I went on sabbatical. One girl wrote me to say she looked for the sabbatical website and didn't see me on it. I guess a lot of people don't know what that word means. Anyway, no hard feelings.

05/05/2009 02:27:00 PM

G-Stone

Could have stuck the landing a little better, other wise a great episode.

05/05/2009 02:22:00 PM

Impure

G-stone, why CNN? Fox and Friends Sunday is 3 hours of that same pathetic mom-esque humor about VERY trivial issues. Did Republican Kool-Aid drinkers scare you away? Bastards. I voted for McCain, I'm lookin to buy a gun, I'm against abortion, and I give you permission to make fun of Fox as much as you do CNN! (I'm also white and rich, if those help)

05/05/2009 02:11:00 PM

cutitdown528

Whatever...They've got some pretty violent football rivalries in MY hometown, too...but then we all graduated from high school and stopped giving a shit. Also, Afrotaki...the "Hey let's interrupt the video every 3 seconds" is the entire point of Hate by Numbers. Without that, we'd just be watching this lame-ass news story with Gladstone.

05/05/2009 01:41:00 PM

Mediakill

PlayMadness: So what you're saying is: it's okay to make fun of everyone else, but when a mildly insulting little joke flys your way we should all feel fucking ashamed of ourselves? Grow up, nobody cares.

05/05/2009 01:31:00 PM

popmaker

This is just not funny. "Hey let's interrupt the video every 3 seconds to say incredibly witty things that everyone is already thinking for themselves!" And on top of that, I actually get really sick of constantly hearing about "real real stories," because it's all the same fucking stuff over and over again. Once in a while, it's nice to be reminded that life doesn't have to suck.

05/05/2009 01:17:00 PM

Afrotaki

"You're in high school again." -Kurt Cobain

05/05/2009 01:15:00 PM

IDRIVEADODGESTRATUS

Man Gladstone, looks like you seriously crossed a line making fun of an irrelevant high school football rivalry nobody with a life gives a damn about. You seriously owe PlayMadness an apology. Seriously, guy, what you said just proves the sadness further. Your town used to be significant enough for historical events like the first reading of the Declaration of Independence but now your only claim to fame is the overweight has-beens of the high school football team? That's fucking pathetic.

05/05/2009 12:55:00 PM

lolercise

Not funny.

05/05/2009 12:50:00 PM

luke

Holy shit, its got a library? He's right Gladstone, you need to apologize. Apologize to the city that nobody cares about. Detroit's historical too. Nobody here in Michigan brags about it.

05/05/2009 12:23:00 PM

MeowMixin

Hey asshole. I live in Easton (the team in the red), and you honestly used to be my favorite part of this website. You were always so spot on and funny. I actually shed a tear on the day I found out HBN was being discontinued. You've overstepped your bounds in this story. Easton and Phillipsburg have been rivals for 102 years, and the Turkey Day game is the largest event of the year. You CANNOT understand the extent of the effect this game has on the community. Easton is an extremely historical city (with a library, fucktard), being founded before the US declared independence from Britain. It was the site of the first public reading of the Declaration of Independence, and the first site of the collection of the entire US army. Stick to satirizing the news, don't insult people. You come across as an arrogant asshole, and no one likes an arrogant asshole. So, in closing, FUCK YOU GLADSTONE.

05/05/2009 12:18:00 PM

PlayMadness

I agree Tetsuo as was completely disappointed with Gladstone's CGI version gay self. Then again this is just one reason why I am such a non-fan of HBN.

05/05/2009 12:15:00 PM

TheAntiAssClown

I really thought Swaim and DOB would be those two other anchors...

05/05/2009 11:53:00 AM

TetsuoKaneda

Not funny today, yesterday, or tomorrow.

05/05/2009 11:52:00 AM

pearson1285

Look, I know that you love to bash CNN, so do I, but, I guess you could attack other angles, like they way they almost predict the end of the world and the appocalipse riders with this issue about the swine flu. You know, just to... bleh, forget it...

05/05/2009 11:41:00 AM

Binak_Algo

3 words, G-stone: slow news day. That's their sports segment on Sunday. So they go to do ESPN3 shit and worry about things like high school and peewee football.

05/05/2009 11:35:00 AM

hamsterjelly

Seemed like you were strugglin' a bit with this one, G-stone mah man. Good luck, though; trust ya to get back into you're groove!

05/05/2009 11:01:00 AM

Wren

well that was shit

05/05/2009 10:50:00 AM

hugoboss

Runnin' thin on material are we?

05/05/2009 10:42:00 AM

Rooch85

My favourite parts were both the shifty sus**cious eyes after "or...not all about second chances", and the ending with the 3 Gladstones. I digg it.

05/05/2009 10:12:00 AM

lounsey

omg nice chest hairs Gladdy...funny vid as always!

05/05/2009 09:48:00 AM

tank

Love HBN! And again we learn that those leaders of men and macho idols from our high school days peaked at 17... while those of us that didn't enjoy the closeted game of grab ass know as handegg (american football) went on to have an actual life and not turn into an obese no-neck waste of space...

05/05/2009 09:39:00 AM

zyryx

i think Gladstone showed admirable restraint. stories like this are part of CNN's plot to convince the world that eugenics is a good idea.

05/05/2009 09:37:00 AM

dystopic

Blowing the kiss was the best conclusion to this story...I don't even care about the game now.

05/05/2009 09:08:00 AM

madmanduck

Great HBN episode :)

05/05/2009 08:47:00 AM

bloodontheswans

"See that's one of the great things about this is win or lose, he's already -"BEEEP he didn't keep it off the first time, why would he do it again now?

05/05/2009 08:44:00 AM

Hero

So that guy's before and after pictures were supposed to illustrate success? He lost almost half the weight he needs to in order to qualify as merely obese. Congratulations, get yourself an extra slice of cake. CNN is unwatchable.

05/05/2009 08:26:00 AM

Quankers

Seriously, Gladstone, you have NOTHING to say about the fat guy? And what ever happened to the rest of the guys on the teams? Are they all in shape and playing in the NFL? CNN...do more resarch.

05/05/2009 08:19:00 AM

purplestar

@badsportswriter, i didn't have the heart to point that out. or that he has 3 kids and was only motivated to not be morbidly obese for a football game. I felt bad.

05/05/2009 08:14:00 AM

G-Stone

Not to be too depressing, or to point out the obvious, but we all know that win or lose that guy is going to be back above 300lbs. within three months of the end of that game. That surely would be a terrific follow-up story for CNN to cover next time there's absolutely nothing else going on in the world.

05/05/2009 08:11:00 AM

badsportswriter

Damn-it, Gladstone (or Stoney, as I refer to you in my head for some unknown reason. I know, that gets a Number.) My agenda this morning was 1) take break from important final research paper 2) watch HBN 3) take break for um, well, you know, self-love. Those cutaway images of creepy old dude, fat guy with know shirt, and you being feminine have totally put me off the last item on my schedule! Still gonna do it, of course, but you've totally made it disgustinger, which is redundant.

05/05/2009 07:54:00 AM

SamLowery

I swooned.

05/05/2009 07:38:00 AM

Laurara

And we're back... that was great, nobody mind Doctorchaos, he just intentionally tries to flame.

05/05/2009 07:33:00 AM

Daisho

Two other anchors, uhmm... Swaim and Lex, maybe? That would be way, way to great for the internet to handle though. But this was funny as hell, and the ending was creepy. The middle Gladstone needed some make-up.

05/05/2009 07:17:00 AM

Daisho

Good, the video is fixed. Nice episode. Which means that I can.... swap the sad face with a happy face! OMG! :)

05/05/2009 07:07:00 AM

Aeno

the ending scared me a lot

05/05/2009 06:53:00 AM

jvp117

I love cracked shows. I almost wish they were on TV, but then again, they would probably be less charming.

05/05/2009 06:43:00 AM

joemomma_rulz09

Abrupt ending. I wasn't ready for you to finish. That's what she said.

05/05/2009 06:34:00 AM

ala5150

Nice ending (for real this time). Well other than the middle gladstone, for a second I was thinking you would have those two kids again.

05/05/2009 06:24:00 AM

MichaelFurlong

nicenice

05/05/2009 06:13:00 AM

coltonwhite

Could have been a lot longer. Probably should have been too.

05/05/2009 06:07:00 AM

Swaimfan

i loved the little winkblink stumble that your eyes did at the end. it truly showed cnn caliber newsmanship

05/05/2009 06:07:00 AM

mcgugange

LMAO, well worth the wait g-stone!

05/05/2009 06:05:00 AM

hatmanz

Awesome video, probably the best I've seen so far from hate by numbers, and that is saying something.

05/05/2009 05:59:00 AM

MichaelFurlong

Gosh fucking darn it, I need my morphine fix

05/05/2009 05:46:00 AM

TMThesaurus

Not working...again.

05/05/2009 05:45:00 AM

twiglet

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

05/05/2009 05:40:00 AM

hatmanz

Gladstone, fix this!!

05/05/2009 05:26:00 AM

coltonwhite

not working. >:(

05/05/2009 05:26:00 AM

gamewinner42

Hello? Where's my fix? Hellooo?

05/05/2009 05:22:00 AM

stressbunny

Right you are, Aeno. This was not some meta mother's day HBN. I'm going to do it. :( Yep, sad face. I did the sad face.

05/05/2009 05:22:00 AM

G-Stone

2nd. The player doenst work. :(

05/05/2009 05:20:00 AM

Aeno

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO HBN! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!

05/05/2009 05:03:00 AM

drunkpiano