Why Having Wolverine's Claws Would Suck

Funny at first, but it got old quickly.

10/28/2009 08:09:06 AM

JDCAce

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10/27/2009 05:45:43 PM

kaly76hummer

Doctor: "Adamantium claws...OR MUTANT HEALING >=)..............so...they're both good... -_-"

10/20/2009 04:34:00 AM

jacky817

I for one would have not second guessed and taken the mutant healing. And after seeing this I'm glad that's my choice! :)

08/17/2009 08:33:00 PM

Gamefreak

how could you be that stupid...

07/07/2009 09:37:00 PM

purple9haze6

His adamantium claws are a factor of his mutant healing. They're not a mutant superpower.

06/01/2009 06:58:00 PM

TK21

hahaha!.....ahh that was great

06/01/2009 10:25:00 AM

Kewii

hilarious! "did you hit brain?"... excellent video

05/29/2009 04:17:00 PM

Eyelyo

This is an awesome video! TonyE99, eat shit you douche.

05/24/2009 03:24:00 AM

jollyjube

that was pretty fucking bad.

05/20/2009 02:40:00 PM

TonyE99

AWESOME!

05/19/2009 08:47:00 AM

Raibead

Way to commit to a role. These guys are funny!!!

05/14/2009 12:42:00 PM

123perryv

When you really think about it, Wolverine's mutant healing is way better than his claws.

05/14/2009 08:36:00 AM

DreamingAshes

luckily i would chose the ability to stop time. so this wouldnet apply to me.

05/13/2009 05:38:00 PM

RoKaN

THAT WAS HILARIOUS. Kinda gives you something to think about. Hamsterjelly: "Oh Logan also has a third power: immortality." That's a common mis-conception. Actually, his healing ability slows down the effects of aging, so he lives for a very, very long time. But he can die. His third power is super senses, the one most people forget about.

05/10/2009 08:53:00 PM

bluesweettea

i thought this was going to be gay, but it was sooo funny.

05/08/2009 10:16:00 PM

sourD

@jscribble1320: Are you using a Wii?'Cause they can't handle most flash videos, and I also know that currently, I, and probably everybody else (excluding Nintendo), can't watch YouTube videos, unless you are actually on Youtube, with a Wii, as it uses the Opera system.

05/07/2009 12:18:00 PM

venser

they forgot to mention that masterbation would also really suck.

05/07/2009 11:54:00 AM

TheLevi

Would you like to date an open minded sexy girl? Yes, I'm that girl. I like tough guys. I have a Blog in the web---Seekbi.com---Tough guys join and find me out.

05/07/2009 02:31:00 AM

fulllovegirl

lame booz helps me get down the stairs with style http://www.epiclosers.com/load/8-1-0-309

05/07/2009 01:41:00 AM

Brazen

That was way funnier than I expected it to be, especially the part where he says "cookie?".

05/06/2009 03:45:00 PM

Mrs.Lovett

stupid waste of time

05/06/2009 05:55:00 AM

mr_clean

download the newest adobe flashplayer, maybe yours need to be updated

05/05/2009 08:19:00 PM

jscribble1320

This video player fucking sucks. Why the hell I can't see any videos anymore? Just black screen.

05/05/2009 07:28:00 AM

sskullcrusher

first comment on this site ever..that was funny ass shit.

05/05/2009 01:17:00 AM

savagebliss

why was the camera so fucking close up on their faces

05/04/2009 03:44:00 PM

Mighty

These guys are usually great but I didn't laugh at this one once.

05/04/2009 08:41:00 AM

hazzardous

that was fucking hilarious!

05/04/2009 07:57:00 AM

popeth

This is a terrible video. I say this fully aware of the wasted time and effort put into it.

05/03/2009 10:25:00 PM

lockedandlogan

i agree w/ silly sausage the claws in this look way better than the ones in the movie

05/03/2009 09:34:00 PM

black.ironman

@hamsterjelly: Actually, wolverine's healing factor prevents him from being affected by anything, including chemicals, parasites, or aging.

05/03/2009 11:27:00 AM

shiranaru

This is probably the 10th time I've watched this... I can't stop. Its just as funny every time!

05/03/2009 08:31:00 AM

NateConCarne

cookie???

05/03/2009 08:18:00 AM

rarwkabibles

Oh Logan also has a third power: immortality.

05/03/2009 03:38:00 AM

hamsterjelly

I think that what's supposed to happen is his hands get little openings on the front where they come out. What they could also have done was make something akin to piercings and have it scar in place.

05/03/2009 03:37:00 AM

hamsterjelly

The sad thing is... The claws in this video look better than the claws in X-Men Origins: Wolverine.

05/03/2009 03:35:00 AM

SillySausage69

Hilarious, but these guys are clearly idiots. If you spend money on a superpower, you get telekinesis!

05/02/2009 09:28:00 PM

EinDose

@voidedlives; That's happening to me, too.

05/02/2009 09:15:00 PM

Coffee

Just out of curiosity, can someone tell me why I can't seem to watch the videos on Cracked anymore? Stays black, and nothing comes up.

05/02/2009 05:57:00 PM

voidedlives

Ok, that was funny as hell, and also a little disturbing. Would've went with healing myself. Probably. Unless that meant I couldn't get drunk. In which case, I would've just gone with telepathy, and gotten filthy rich and pull all kinds of poontang.

05/02/2009 05:43:00 PM

grayareas

That was hilarious. I think those guys should have looked at Wolverine's background a little more. Otherwise, they would have known that his claws used to damage his hands each time they came out. Although, I would still take the claws.:3

05/02/2009 11:38:00 AM

wolfgirl90

I'm almost pissed my pants, and I'm alone watching this. Nope, I DID piss my pants.

05/01/2009 07:42:00 PM

nirvana4u

adamantium claws ...no set of all purpose screwdrivers ....yes

05/01/2009 04:16:00 PM

ddt3500

LMFAO!!U guys are hilarious and creative. "Holy shit did u cut off your nipple?"LOL,"Don't apologize just turn it off(GASP).. OH SHIT!..."DID U HIT BRAIN!"Had me shitting my pants,lol.I'm sharing this with all my friends.

05/01/2009 03:38:00 PM

JBird

Geeks ruin the fun for everyone. http://nonadventures.com/2008/01/05/geekret-wars/

05/01/2009 03:12:00 PM

Lady_Mondegreen

Ha, that was fucking funny. I usually dont like gorey humour, but fuck, did you cut off your nipple? Mad lulz.

05/01/2009 12:35:00 PM

LnzCrg

That was the best laugh I have had in a long, long time! Very well done! Stéphane and the rest of the geeks posting contrived and overly-critical comments need to get the stick out of their asses and learn that not everything warrants a psychoanalysis :3 Yes, we know your mommy said you're special, but no one else cares

05/01/2009 11:46:00 AM

gameychick85

What this shot by a drunk monkey? If so, shoot the monkey. In not, still shoot someone. Edgy camera work is so last year boys!

05/01/2009 10:53:00 AM

Stéphane

I lol'd. Good stuff.

05/01/2009 05:41:00 AM

chenry

Ok first of all, that was funny. Second of all, there is way, way, way too much geekiness in these comments.

05/01/2009 05:01:00 AM

moefreak

See I would have taken the healing, and look what I would have avoided.

05/01/2009 04:29:00 AM

TenTonApe

Wow...if these guys knew anything, they would realize that standard-issue adamantium claws have .037 percent more sparkle than the faux-adamantium fucking bullshit that they used for their claws. POINT ZERO THREE FUCKING SEVEN! They weren't even close. Goddamn.

05/01/2009 02:37:00 AM

CodyCastor

Oh wow, that was awesome.

05/01/2009 02:09:00 AM

erikvduyn

OK, to kvo, I'm fairly sure that just isn't true... Logan had mutant healing which allowed them to graft the adamantium skeleton onto his including the claws, without him dying. As for you're belief that the brain could not control them I invite you to research artificial limbs that are attached to the nervous system and have limited functionality but are STILL controlled by the brain. As for the vid, very funny and nice effects!

05/01/2009 12:57:00 AM

Darkmage

ok ok I gots to put my 2 cents in... ok yes Login or James Howlett which was his birth name had natural claws made of bone... these claws were coated with adamantium during the 60's in weapon X program. Think about it, even in modern medicine I doubt they could implant some sort of brain to hand wire to a arm located mechanism to withdraw of retract artificial claws. There would need to be some sort of natural reflex already in place. In addition one does not need to be born with a mutation to be a mutant. all mutant means is abnormal cell growth, so technically cancer is a mutation. but that would make a really bad super power. In conclusion Im with the other guys who say who cares if metal claws are not technically not mutant powers... I still got a cheap laugh. p.s. yes I realize Im being a huge hypocrite

05/01/2009 12:06:00 AM

kvo405

Pretty funny idea. But if I was feeling particularly pedantic, I'd point out that Wolverine has a lot more than just those two. Check out his wikipedia page, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wolverine_(comics)#Powers_and_abilities I know it's long, but read that section, including the skills bit underneath. It's insane how powerful Logan is. Back on topic, if I was given that choice it would be the healing factor, no hesitation.

04/30/2009 11:48:00 PM

TheDarkFlame

I was expecting a masturbation joke... probably just as well it wasn't in there.

04/30/2009 10:50:00 PM

ka_la_la_lira

1...2... Cookie! Behold, disproportionate amusement!

04/30/2009 10:34:00 PM

ColdWontRise

Hah! That was funny, but I feel a bit wrong for liking it...

04/30/2009 10:30:00 PM

chemicalquirk

That's... I think I just had several multiple orgasms watching that. Without touching anything, of course.

04/30/2009 10:20:00 PM

RichardLust

@NCPilot facepalm.jpg

04/30/2009 09:24:00 PM

Zerocyde

Why are the claws considered a "mutant" power? I always thought Logan (Wolverine) had them surgically implanted. So, would they really be a "power"?

04/30/2009 08:54:00 PM

NCPilot

Hilarious and bloody. My two favorite things in one package!

04/30/2009 08:52:00 PM

Dierdre

This was funny and creepy at the same time, kinda scary if you think about it. The effects were really awesome. But I think the video could have been half as long and have been more funny. The claws part kinda dragged on a bit. Otherwise, good work!

04/30/2009 08:20:00 PM

Pelephant

Well, he had the claws before the implanted the adamantium, but they were a lot rougher and more jagged (thus they didn't slide out or in quite so cleanly), being, as they were, bone. Funny as Hell, guys. Lots of blood, so maybe a warning next time? But, yeah, gave me a good giggle. Cheers! P.

04/30/2009 08:13:00 PM

Pamcakes

Funny as hell, but I feel like I should point out that the adamantium claws aren't natural powers, they're part of the skeleton that were implanted into Logan in the Weapon X Project. Still, that was a hilarious parody.

04/30/2009 07:17:00 PM

Sun-Wukong

stupid ppl. how do you not realize this problem :P Anyway, his adamantium isn't a mutant power. If we're just going powers, I'd say complete control of time. Go to the future to get some treatment that'll let me live a lot longer (so when I slow down time around me I wouldn't age badly in comparison). Superspeed would be cooler since I can run to china and not have it seem like 100 years but it's a lot less plausible since you'll need a super strong body not to break while you run, and antifriction clothing and stuff like that. So control of time is the next best thing. and you can travel to the future and past which is a plus.

04/30/2009 07:09:00 PM

bobbi

I laughed so hard it hurt my head. Haha check out the geeks losing their shit over the realism of a FUCKING PARODY lmao Bad nerds. Go bed.

04/30/2009 06:26:00 PM

Micktrex

Holy shit, people still arguing about the fucking claws.

04/30/2009 06:08:00 PM

FraX

@GreenlyPolaris No, Wolverin'e claws aren't bone, they are (as stated in the video) made of adamantium, but his skeleton was infused with adamantium, which means technically you are right, they're kinda... both.

04/30/2009 05:46:00 PM

DoctorWho42

Soooooo slooooooow. This video could have been 40 seconds long and been just as funny (ie not particularly, but forgivable). The effects were amazing, though.

04/30/2009 05:44:00 PM

Pedgerow

yes maxmcdowell, but its perfectly acceptable that they can keep talking after having their brains impaled.

04/30/2009 05:39:00 PM

gotbass7

Who cares how he got his powers? You guys are totally missing the point of the vid and suck the fun out of it. Just shut up and laugh.

04/30/2009 05:34:00 PM

mathshop24

Hahaha, this was pretty funny. Nice effects for an internet video, too.

04/30/2009 05:17:00 PM

SillySausage69

Um, they had to go to a doctor to receive "mutant powers"? You're not considered to have mutant powers unless you're born with it. Being injected with a Super Soldier Serum or intalling an alien symbiote may as well be considered mutant powers. *slaps everyone with gigantic nerd-wang*

04/30/2009 05:10:00 PM

MaxMcDowell

haha it's disturbing, hilarious and true - well done on the efects too.

04/30/2009 05:08:00 PM

dragontamer363

Dude, you guys are the biggest bunch of nerds I've ever seen. And that's on the internet, so, yeah. . . Anyway, if you were going to choose a mutant power, I don't see why everyone wouldn't take reality warping?

04/30/2009 04:59:00 PM

Ateos

That was hilarious. lol Of course, I agree with those who say that adamantium claws aren't a power, but that doesn't make the clip less funny - just innacurate.

04/30/2009 04:52:00 PM

Jaguaress

What a funny video. Awesome. http://www.kedaimuslim.biz

04/30/2009 04:51:00 PM

udin71

I thought Wolverine had bone claws. They should have just just picked a better mutant power. I would pick Polaris of course well i guess the manipulation of magnets. I've always wanted to be a mutant.

04/30/2009 04:46:00 PM

GreenlyPolaris

good idea but unfortunately just not that funny to me the cookie thing was a little dumb too ps he totally had bone claws when he was a kid

04/30/2009 04:45:00 PM

mcsquared51

By far the funniest part of this was the doctor at the beginning. His manner says 'I see idiots ruin their lives with this stuff all the time - and I kind of love it'.

04/30/2009 04:25:00 PM

Demmagog

So obviously no one read the comic where Magneto removed the metal from his body. His claws are natural. Even the Weapon X series covers this before they get a hold of him. He has bone claws. His healing ability is what allowed for them to exist blah blah blah etc etc. Seriously, a power? Mind control bitch. I'll make whoever I want...my bitch! Haha! That's the power to have. Psychic powers or we can have just one I guess.

04/30/2009 04:19:00 PM

_aravena

Who the fuck cares how he got his powers? I want comments that say "lol", "rofl", "lmao", "I have milk coming out of my nose", not nerds debating how the fuck he got his powers!

04/30/2009 04:03:00 PM

FraX

Yeah and Superman has a bazillion retarded superpowers. guys, once in a while some interesting content is posted on Cracked (like this one), and you end up bragging about who has the right issue of a motherfucking Wolverine comic book. THIS IS GOOD SHIT

04/30/2009 04:02:00 PM

plaster

Great laugh! Thanks..lol

04/30/2009 03:56:00 PM

RedCricket

awesome. awesome to the max.

04/30/2009 02:06:00 PM

TheManUpstairs

"His claws are not Naturally adamantium. If anything the option should have been Bone claws or Healing FActor, the adamantium was part of the weapon X project. so chill out and get your facts right." - jsmuli2 jsmuli2, show me the spot in my comment where I stated his claws were naturally adamantium... Oh, you can't? Maybe that's because I didn't. Get YOUR facts straight.

04/30/2009 01:33:00 PM

brokenbar

Another inconsistency about Wolverine are the nature of his claws. Naturally they would constantly cut his skin open, but apparently, after the adamantium was applied, he was given openings on the back of his hand as seen in this pic: http://www.uweb.ucsb.edu/~karina_r11/wolverine14.JPG So it seems the claws wouldn't affect his skin. The comics never really discuss that aspect.

04/30/2009 01:11:00 PM

jsmuli2

WOLVERINE WAS BORN WITH THE FUKKING CLAWS!!!! Yes 'ivythorn', Wolverine: Origins is accepted as canon. I have the comic - Wolverine #75 - that specifically states he was born with the claws. 4/30/2009 12:43:41 PM @brokenbar His claws are not Naturally adamantium. If anything the option should have been Bone claws or Healing FActor, the adamantium was part of the weapon X project. so chill out and get your facts right.

04/30/2009 01:08:00 PM

jsmuli2

Snoochie boochies!

04/30/2009 12:55:00 PM

smalltimewaster

WOLVERINE WAS BORN WITH THE FUKKING CLAWS!!!! Yes 'ivythorn', Wolverine: Origins is accepted as canon. I have the comic - Wolverine #75 - that specifically states he was born with the claws.

04/30/2009 12:43:00 PM

brokenbar

But didn't he have the bone claws in Wolverine: Origins? The comic story of that name, I mean. And isn't that pretty much accepted as canon? Aside from being a great story, of course. Have to admit I don't read the older ones, but sorting through some 40-odd years of backstory, with all of its contradictions and author switches, even appearing in different series, sounds more like an inventive torture method to me than anything else.

04/30/2009 12:37:00 PM

Ivythorn

This was really not funny. Also: mutant healing? Wouldn't that make you live forever? Rubbish.

04/30/2009 12:28:00 PM

Clara

More geek war . . . The claws were not part of his physiology until the weapon X project got ahold of him. Up until that point his only mutant power was extremely fast and efficient healing. While getting him ready for the surgery that would graft adamantium to his bones someone had the bright idea to make Logan more lethal, so they gave him a set of retractable claws made from his own bones. The bone claws were not naturally part of his mutation (I cite a late comic in which his claws fell out and never regrew).

04/30/2009 12:22:00 PM

wdh4185

I'm with all the people saying that the Adamantium isn't a "power" it was done later on

04/30/2009 12:04:00 PM

spikevamp

C'mon It's common sense! Everybody know the claws are useless without the healing.

04/30/2009 12:02:00 PM

Hamelonian

I laughed til I cried... and I think I peed a little too... Yep. Sure did. Hilarious!

04/30/2009 11:44:00 AM

NateConCarne

Not the brightest bulbs, are they? I would've been happy with just the healing.

04/30/2009 10:44:00 AM

jccw227

I absolutely love this video. I don't even care about the bone vs adamantium claws thing; this video is hilarious. I love how they're wearing wife-beaters after they get their mutant power. ...cookie...?

04/30/2009 10:24:00 AM

LinnieG

I have only one thing to say: snikt.

04/30/2009 09:58:00 AM

kingmonkey

Yea, after posting I remembered they were natural, I had been watching X-men for ages before I learned that ( BTW my entire knowledge of the x-men is via the animated TV series).

04/30/2009 09:38:00 AM

MichaelFurlong

Wow, that was one of the greatest things ever!

04/30/2009 09:36:00 AM

kglar

That was... that was tragic. D:

04/30/2009 09:27:00 AM

GOTI

I love when nerds are wrong and pissy. The claws are bone, and as such, a mutant power. The adamantium was added later. However, the only reason that Wolverine survived the adamantium bonding process was the healing factor. Without mutant healing, he would have died.

04/30/2009 08:52:00 AM

xaoswolf

That is so damn funny.

04/30/2009 08:38:00 AM

kingjorge.twbf

I was never a big fan of Wolverine but I gotta admit this movie looks like it is going to ROCK! RT www.anonymity.ru.tc

04/30/2009 08:34:00 AM

AbleBobby

I would have gone with mutant healing in the first place, any day.

04/30/2009 08:29:00 AM

tank

the claws themselves are a natural part of his body and, therefore, a mutation. the adamantium was fused together but the claws were always there.

04/30/2009 08:23:00 AM

brokenbar

lmao, i never thought of it that way before

04/30/2009 08:10:00 AM

Laurara

At the risk of sounding even nerdier than the bone vs. adamantium nerds, he can only extend the claws when his wrist is straight...

04/30/2009 08:07:00 AM

wootcracked

hahaha, so funny, I loved it! "Please god, wake me up!" hahahaha, priceless

04/30/2009 08:04:00 AM

wreck

I look pretty predictable now that Swaim's comment got there before me

04/30/2009 07:49:00 AM

Shanewire

I look pretty predictable now that Swaim's comment got there before me

04/30/2009 07:49:00 AM

Shanewire

Oh, Geek war! You're wrong MichaelFurlong. He has Bone claws underneath the adamantium. They're one of his god-given mutant powers

04/30/2009 07:47:00 AM

Shanewire

Based on the initial comments, I can already tell the collective nerd laugh/snort about his claws being surgically implanted, and not actually a mutant power, is going to be TREMENDOUS. I liked it!

04/30/2009 07:46:00 AM

MichaelSwaim

"What comes after 2? Cookie" Awesome

04/30/2009 07:45:00 AM

Lyonkyng

Eh, I think it was pretty good, but too drawn out. I would of preferred it if it only lasted 2 minutes. Additionally, the claws are not a mutant power, they were surgical, the healing + heightened senses+ strength and reflexes are wolverine's powers.

04/30/2009 07:30:00 AM

MichaelFurlong

Ew. Ha.

04/30/2009 07:27:00 AM

ala5150

Went on for way too long. WAAAAY too long.

04/30/2009 07:26:00 AM

Tartra

Wolverine was born with the ability to self-heal. The adamantium was put in by the Canucks artificially. They probably could have argued for both

04/30/2009 07:22:00 AM

redmon17

Holy shit that is hysterical. And sick.

04/30/2009 07:19:00 AM

brokenbar

thats just epic XD

04/30/2009 07:16:00 AM

domtrack

goddamn fucking hilarious! it really makes you realize you have to think about all the aspects of mutant power.

04/30/2009 07:06:00 AM

boogeypop