The 4 Most Impressive Wastes of Time On Record

oh dear god, not goatse!!!! oh the inhumanity!!!!

11/04/2009 02:42:17 PM

xXEzkatonXx

gotta know the song/ movie at the end

10/30/2009 11:36:24 PM

Human_gs

at 3:23 the game is crysis.

09/15/2009 02:23:00 PM

fox1528

What game is that at 3:23??????

09/06/2009 07:40:00 PM

Lyco

Sheesh. I Need to figure out what the title of that ending song is.

07/02/2009 11:13:00 AM

ChinChillin

the bees ending & guy that won't play the guitar = gold

06/11/2009 10:11:00 AM

Samubri

Why?! Why put GOATSE on a building? ...At least the window was in the way.

06/08/2009 10:33:00 AM

SIMM0NS77

Hahah Hot Hot Heat, Nice.

05/18/2009 08:37:00 PM

MitchWoodcock

Hello, i found a very good site with videos funny , sexy girls funny, wrecked cars, live accidents, entertainment , TV shows and other... Try it: www.autostrada80.com

04/29/2009 12:40:00 PM

sexygirl984

really the most awesomest playout i've seen from you. ya really outdid yourself with this one, swaim..

04/19/2009 12:03:00 AM

MyLord

4:27 Mins not 5 :P and the 3 it took u to bitch lol

04/13/2009 11:08:00 AM

ravenfaust

hahah that goatse thing cracks me up every time.

04/07/2009 10:09:00 PM

exploding_girl

The game at 3:15 is called Pop'n Music and if you want specifics (which I know you don't), what he is specifically playing is Classic 4 on hyper. Another video of a guy who goes by ROBO playing that song circled the internet a long time ago on places like ebaumsworld and such.

04/05/2009 02:49:00 PM

Flashfire

"and remember, if you want to help pick next week's topic... you probably haven't figured out how this works yet" this is the funniest line of the vid

04/02/2009 08:16:00 PM

nuckchorris

its called crysis.

04/02/2009 04:36:00 AM

raserith

Heh...jenga.

04/01/2009 08:28:00 AM

peterdeflice

does someone ANYONE know what game that is at 3:15. i have been trying to remember its name for over a month and the very mild stress is very slowly killing me.

04/01/2009 02:23:00 AM

neosreaper

Would you like to give yourself a chance to know an open minded girl? Yes, I'm that girl. Handsome guys come in, I'm wating for you in------www.seekbi.com.Yes, this is a good idea.

04/01/2009 01:54:00 AM

fulllovegirl

3:09 - One of the books in the background appears to be "Introduction to Algorithms" . No I have no idea how I noticed that either -_-

03/21/2009 04:15:00 PM

Haedrian

Good old Cracked stuff. Here are more fun videos-ppl playing around in office, "The Best of Hardly Working" http://tv1.com/playlists/126

03/21/2009 11:57:00 AM

sky_slasher

Happy_Emo, i know i miss those too...

03/20/2009 08:26:00 AM

demonk911

good to see this! Do you have it in you to make people cry out of joy? Then wait no more and make the world cry out at your funny jokes! This fantastic opportunity is being provided to you, by the comedy format of Uploaded.TV. To display your talents, all you need to do is upload your comedy video in www.uploaded.tv and make an appearance on real TV, worldwide.

03/20/2009 06:30:00 AM

debasree

Woah, I had never noticed hwo awesome Swaim was before. Kinda makes you wish you hadn't spent five minutes reading Gladstone's column.

03/19/2009 08:43:00 PM

Wha?

Hot Hot HEat! nice

03/19/2009 02:04:00 PM

mij40

Hey Swaim I understand binary and 01011 is an improper binary spelling since you don't need the zero at the beginning since it's extra you might as well put an extra billion zero's in front of it however I can't believe it's actually episode 11 crazy.

03/19/2009 10:58:00 AM

Happy Emo

She gave the best blowjobs.

03/19/2009 10:31:00 AM

Happy Emo

I miss your dog but especially your mom.

03/19/2009 10:30:00 AM

Happy Emo

well thats just sad man i mean just cuz she ran off with your grandpa is not an excuse.

03/19/2009 07:53:00 AM

Muhhammed

they ran off a cliff together you bastard

03/19/2009 07:53:00 AM

demonk911

buy buy

03/19/2009 07:53:00 AM

Muhhammed

and my dog...

03/19/2009 07:52:00 AM

demonk911

i miss my mom...

03/19/2009 07:52:00 AM

demonk911

NO i tend to miss your mom alot more.....

03/19/2009 07:48:00 AM

Muhhammed

do you miss my dog?

03/19/2009 07:46:00 AM

demonk911

"allow me to play you out" NOT THE BEES!!!!

03/18/2009 11:30:00 PM

Iamninja

lol "Why is this happening to me??"

03/18/2009 11:11:00 PM

theaccount77

i miss my dog...

03/18/2009 06:11:00 PM

demonk911

this is great

03/18/2009 06:05:00 PM

newdan

Sorry bro, next time I'll avoid telling the truth behind shit mentioned in a video, knowing that you don't care for it, I do it all just for you, so if you don't like it, why do it, right?

03/18/2009 03:47:00 PM

ChorniyVolk

i move to have the guy under my comment explain the rest of the video to us as well. only then can i find humor in it. thank you. thank you blue faced avatar person. you have made me see the truth about two things that i didn't care to know the truth about. great episode swaim.

03/18/2009 01:27:00 PM

BobbyD84

Oh, and for those who don't know, the Crysis video, well, along with all the stacking by hand and whatnot, you have to understand one thing. No computer out today, available to the general public, would get a tenth of the performance of that video with all of those barrels and the giant explosion, and the processing of physics and effects on everything, not to mention at such a high FPS. How did that guy do it? He actually sat there, with slideshow-like gameplay, and recorded every single frame as it came to him extremely slowly, compiling all of the frames into a much faster video, and the one you see today. So imagine doing that, but for all of those scenes that he did, all at something like 1FPS or somewhere around there, maybe even less. He said so himself, when he made that huge explosion, why do you think he turned around? His PC crashed if he looked at the explosion directly. So yeah, that mother fucker wasted a shit load of time.

03/18/2009 01:10:00 PM

ChorniyVolk

The jenga video is a fake, the dude had finished with everything related to it, and needed some way to get rid of it, so...well...that was the end result.

03/18/2009 01:01:00 PM

ChorniyVolk

HAHA Jenga..swear I almost peed myself. Oh and I want Michael Swaim so damn bad. So sexy..

03/18/2009 12:38:00 PM

RedCricket

"Jenga"... haven't laughed so much in quite some time.

03/18/2009 02:19:00 AM

lordmoo

"Meem"? I've always pronounced it "mehm". So someone painted a lolcat. Big deal. But I do agree, he definitely should have painted goatse.

03/17/2009 07:16:00 PM

hamsterjelly

i hate to break it to everybody, but the jenga clip is widely believed to be fake. there are testimonials from people who went to that college saying it was all a skit, he built it, then took the pics and all that, then they set that up for the deconstruction. still a great way to take it down though.

03/17/2009 05:45:00 PM

rturner522

whats the name of the song at the end?

03/17/2009 10:06:00 AM

wolfman_201

i almost shat myself when he said jenga

03/17/2009 09:57:00 AM

wolfman_201

Strangely, that was pretty well done.

03/17/2009 09:51:00 AM

Lizzy332

You know i agree with the last clips of the wicker man at the end........the wicker man was a compleat wast of time both in it being made and me watching the peice of shit

03/17/2009 06:38:00 AM

pariahnola

I don't know who Ben Smith is, but I feel sorry for him now.

03/17/2009 01:12:00 AM

spleendingo

"Jenga" I cracked up when you said that, though I second KBot. I'd kill that reporter with my bare hands. Then stuff the body with Jenga blocks.

03/17/2009 01:04:00 AM

ka_la_la_lira

#5: Commenting on the Internet

03/17/2009 12:26:00 AM

follicleman

That clip of the reporter killing the Jenga tower just makes me want to weep. Bitterly.

03/16/2009 11:37:00 PM

KBot

What is the name of that video game at the end with the two disembodied arms stacking and exploding things?

03/16/2009 11:34:00 PM

SmartiePuff

Michael's talking to himself again!

03/16/2009 07:36:00 PM

MusketsFan

Nick Cage has replaced Hannah Montana as the premiere enemy of cracked.

03/16/2009 07:12:00 PM

tshp

Nice David After Dentist nod.

03/16/2009 07:08:00 PM

FadingMind

OMG, that last part from wicker man was awesome!

03/16/2009 06:57:00 PM

dahwang12

And #5 "People who read Gladstone articles." ZING!

03/16/2009 06:48:00 PM

echocharlie

The bees ahh the bees!! Great video!

03/16/2009 06:39:00 PM

GenericHuman

nick cage in the wicker man? oh, waste of time... i see. we did get some broken flashlight and flappy coat action though!

03/16/2009 06:23:00 PM

das_w00tman

Yup., I knew the tower would be there@ RT www.privacy.at.tc

03/16/2009 05:56:00 PM

AbleBobby

Hah, I knew that first clip of the tower was going to be in this the second I read the title.

03/16/2009 05:26:00 PM

lilshaz

Swaim rocks.

03/16/2009 05:18:00 PM

Stan Lestrange

the one with the guy playing guitar hero was fake cause he said he fc'ed (100% with out breaking note streak) through the fire and flames on expert but only three people have done it and they have proof that they r real while that guy only has one video on his youtube profile

03/16/2009 04:45:00 PM

Ray_is_SEX!

Hahahah, FUCKING AWESOME EPISODE.

03/16/2009 04:41:00 PM

Compute

"and also: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA? seriously dude, lol is just fine" For you maybe.

03/16/2009 04:32:00 PM

glendoor42

What's so bad about the Crysis thing? It's just a graphics/processing demonstration, and it's not like it took a long time to get those barrels stacked.

03/16/2009 04:00:00 PM

Jorw

Damn you cracked!!! you've officially made me feel kind of bad about laughing at Nicolas Cage.....when will the harrasing of incredibly untalented celebrities in humor sites will end!!!!

03/16/2009 03:49:00 PM

advant234

WHy are there so may Nicholas cage/wicker man references lately? (articles, stuff, and now the end of this) and also: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA? seriously dude, lol is just fine

03/16/2009 03:11:00 PM

mindmatter

The object stacking in Crysis at 3:23 wasn't done manually, each piece by hand.

03/16/2009 03:07:00 PM

Fry

HAHAHA My ethos/modality/religion is 'Neo-objectivetechnoanarchistic-transendentalism' - No sh*t

03/16/2009 03:07:00 PM

DemstarAus

"Jenga" If the video was staged or not, that comment was funny as hell. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Great job Swaim.

03/16/2009 01:54:00 PM

glendoor42

The BluBlu.org wall animation is amazing.

03/16/2009 01:42:00 PM

Thunder

What would Swaim do with his own show? I hope it has nothing to do with dogs.

03/16/2009 01:28:00 PM

beezy

I SO want Swaim to rape me. And if DOB happens to come along, that'll be just fine.

03/16/2009 01:06:00 PM

pmpkinqueen

I want Michael Swaim inside me.e&

03/16/2009 12:53:00 PM

timesamillion

The sound of that Jenga tower falling made another person building it totally worth it to me. It was neat.

03/16/2009 12:32:00 PM

Mothermagna

there actually is a rhythm game with a keyboard on it.... of course im in japan, they probably have ones with a baby on it that you poke to happy music.

03/16/2009 12:30:00 PM

bunni

Dear Darth_Barry, I am not strange or anything, but could I have those 3 to 5 hookers when you where done?

03/16/2009 12:23:00 PM

Zombie Hobbit

Ok Swaim here is the deal. I'm not gay or anything, and I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but I would gladdly strangle 3 to 5 hookers just for one moment of you inside of me. There, I said it.

03/16/2009 12:16:00 PM

Darth_Barry

SO want to sleep Totoro-style on his belly... oh so cute...!!

03/16/2009 11:50:00 AM

Rebear

I reall like the big wall animation...I think it's very Terry Gilliam.

03/16/2009 11:47:00 AM

lounsey

I like the reference totoro. That was kind of unexpected.

03/16/2009 11:44:00 AM

gamerelite1

Not that anyone cares, but Morganite's comment was actually from greengoddess. Apparently Mr. greengoddess (aka Morganite) forgot to log out last night and I didn't notice.

03/16/2009 11:36:00 AM

greengoddess

What about hanging out at Cracked all day? It sure wastes enough of my time (not that I'm complaining--I'm just sure there are much more productive ways to spend my "free" time).

03/16/2009 11:33:00 AM

Morganite

I thought we could go into your bedroom and write it in blood... now I'm dissappointed.

03/16/2009 10:55:00 AM

RedBaron

This is a great news!! so, for celebration, I want to recommend you lonely guys who hate lonely nights a great online club to meet your activity partner, romance and lover, either for heat or passion: ____Tallmingle.com_____ the most popular place for hot modelss, handsome men meet and mingle! u might be surprise what u end up with!!LOL :-)

03/16/2009 10:52:00 AM

zhangmanyu

This seemed really familiar. Hasn't there already been an almost identical topic on here, but written rather than filmed? I remember I suggested one somewhere on the forums when I first joined Cracked, but I couldn't be bothered to write anything so I just asked if anyone else felt like doing it. So thank you for this, from all of us who suggested similar things.

03/16/2009 10:49:00 AM

Pedgerow

ahhh michael swaim....you never let me down

03/16/2009 10:44:00 AM

rachelgail16

Jenga!

03/16/2009 10:14:00 AM

eyelok

I like your hair today Swaim :)

03/16/2009 09:53:00 AM

Caden

The bees!!

03/16/2009 09:40:00 AM

opterna

Cracked is really hatin on Nicholas Cage lately, huh? I don't blame them, just pointing out the obvious.

03/16/2009 09:23:00 AM

SystemError

The Jenga video is staged

03/16/2009 09:15:00 AM

Lake_County

I agree with Gomijin. Also, I add Shiva DESTROYER OF WORLDS!!!!!!! to the mix of deities who hate comedy.

03/16/2009 09:01:00 AM

Tartra

I curse every day that Swaim doesn't have his own television show, yet Two and Half Men is in fucking syndication. Jesus hates comedy.

03/16/2009 08:26:00 AM

gomijin

you didnt waste my time. I've been buttoning my shirt :D

03/16/2009 08:25:00 AM

AnderX

@Barnstormer After the Hannah Montanah vendetta, it was time for something new I guess. Awesome video, again. Do you have your bed set up in the editing room Swaim? You seem to clocking in more time in videos then any of the other people writing here.

03/16/2009 08:13:00 AM

Esmoreit

Me too, agentknives. Me too.

03/16/2009 07:59:00 AM

captain_cranky

Good stuff, as always. In fairness, the guy making the graffiti animation had permission from the police to do it, so he didn't have to waste time running from the cops. But he did have to spend the time making it. I personally think it's a pretty cool animation, but yeah... that would take a while.

03/16/2009 07:52:00 AM

Tayrtahn

You spelled malapropisms wrong.

03/16/2009 07:45:00 AM

niceBrice

why has cracked launched this vendetta against Nicholas Cage at the moment? of course, i support it whole-heartedly, i'm just wondering, why now?

03/16/2009 07:33:00 AM

barnstormer

Jenga

03/16/2009 06:37:00 AM

twiglet

HAHAHA! I love you :l

03/16/2009 06:20:00 AM

MortVolts

Lol Goatse building.

03/16/2009 05:44:00 AM

rross46

When I see that Swaim has a new video up, I cream a little.

03/16/2009 05:23:00 AM

agentknives

the last 20 seconds of that were a bigger waste of time than the other 5minutes of film...

03/16/2009 05:12:00 AM

shadowice558

Man I love watching Swaim. However right now, i'm going to go waste my life away and play Guitar Hero. *Not kidding*

03/16/2009 05:05:00 AM

GregSK

we were laughing

03/16/2009 04:55:00 AM

oletheking92

what,s the point of number two anyway "look i beat dragonforce,yay..........now wheres my wife?"

03/16/2009 04:42:00 AM

G1drake

That was great, gotta say an evil part of me laughed maniaclly as the jenga sculpture went crashing to the floor...........and that t.v. guy so meant to knock it over! 'twas awesome

03/16/2009 04:40:00 AM

Christine

I love you Swaim, completely in a heterosexual way or homo, take it as you will.

03/16/2009 04:15:00 AM

ConeBone

best 4 minutes and 58 seconds of my life.

03/16/2009 04:13:00 AM

sweaverb

Hot damn, you could just FEEL the malice in the builder's very essence when that Jenga tower fell.

03/16/2009 04:12:00 AM

EinDose

Not that I don't appreciate it, but I'm starting to think that Nicolas Cage is paying for a huge chunk of Cracked's adspace. Great show Swaim--boobs!

03/16/2009 04:11:00 AM

12pack

Hilarious as always :)

03/16/2009 04:04:00 AM

Kurapica