We're starting to think there's a conspiracy to make vampires lame.
Check out some more at Kafka Lives In Maine. By: Wayne Gladstone | Nov. 10, 2008 | 279,606 views
I really think they tried to appeal to us male teens by the looks of the actions shots and the soundtrack... I just pray none where that stupid...
what we need a reason now?
Oh please, there is nothing teenage girls like more then gay vampires.
Hey BeataBlackWing, hey, hey, SHUT THE FUCK UP
I read Twilight. I regretted it. It's the worst book series I've ever read. The vampires sparkle. Oy.
Well, as always "Hate by Numbers" is awesome. BUT this time he was very very wrong about something! .... "You know who likes not-gay vampires? GIRLS!" >> I'm afraid you're wrong on that account. I'm a teenage girl, and I PREFER gay (boy) vampires. the gayer the better! :D and I'm deff rather geeky... >> its kinda like: lesbian porn, cept for chicks...so guyXguy, and with the added kinkiness of blood and biting, its extremely smexual! >;]
HP sentiments. When my GF started reading it I was rather "meh". I read the first book and thought it was a stupid kids book. She insisted I keep reading (we made an agreement, I'd read HP, she'd read H2G2). By the 3rd book I could see the more adult themes coming through, and by the end I loved it. If you've not read them, JK was very smart in that she wrote each book for the age group (and the age of the characters). Philosopher's stone may be a kid book, but by the end they are very much adult books.
Got to agree with the
Not only am I a geeky little girl who was raised on Harry Potter, yet thoroughly despise twilight, I also love the Vampire Chronicles and their not-not-gay vampires. Haha.
How is harry potter shit? harry potter atually has well thought out characters, doesn't seem to be written by a 10 year old and has... hmmm i duno, a plot! twilight is terrible and so are all the other books in my opinion.
Starship Trooper was epic as hell. Other than that only Gladstone could make the enraging images go away :(
noemia1996: Your comment kind of stands on its own, but I'm going to mock it anyway. Because it pisses off both my inner movie critic and inner grammar Nazi. Besides being the embodiment of every single Twilight fan stereotype..."hobo"? What are you, twelve? Oh. Right. Don't put your relatively recent birth year in your username if you want to be taken seriously. See how I didn't do that, and I get to pretend that I'm a pissed off adult (instead of the reality, a fourteen-year-old who is browsing Cracked instead of doing her summer homework)?
http://thedeathofmovies.blogspot.com/2009/06/why-twilight-sucked.html
Both Harry Potter and Twilight are bullshit. "Who likes not gay vampires? Teenager girls!" Are you sure about that?
Great Hate by Numbers!
Awesome Hate By Numbers But you do actually see vampires and prog rock together sometimes. On Supernatural. But usually the vampires are getting killed. Wouldn't it be nice if the guys from Supernatural killed the Twilight vampires? :D Crossover potential!
The harry potter series is much more violent, mature (in both writing and content), 'dangerous' than the twilight series. stuff like murder, torture, and a much better handle on relationships throughout.
I had to watch this movie in my film study class [because one of the movie projects that someone did was a parody of Twilight] and it sucks more than the trailer does.
Lol I'm a geeky little girl who was raised on Harry Potter! :D Twilight sucks ass though. Stephenie Meyer can't write for shit. I'll admit Harry Potter really isn't much better, but at least it doesn't give young girls the wrong ideas about what healthy relationships are.
Hah! I Love Kansas Carry on Wayward son.
I actually liked the movie better than the book. It was a lot easier to watch because we didn't have to wade through page after nauseating page of "EDWARD IS SO OMG PERFECT AND HAWT AND DAZZLING!!"
I have to say, as a huge Twilight fan, that I absolutely love this episode. No matter how many times I watch it, I can't stop laughing at it. I haven't seen the movie yet, but I assume that when I do, I'm either going to cringe at the horrible melodramatic acting or laugh hysterically through the entire thing. Thanks for brightening my day. The annoying pre-teen obsession with Rob Pattinson was really starting to get to me.
Greatest Hate By Numbers Ever. Period.
Jesus fucking christ. That joke with Dracula and Carry on my wayward son nearly killed me.
Uh, there's no "conspiracy"; vampires are intrinsically lame.
TWIGHLITE!! ahahahahah Im LIKE SoOoOoOoOo pumped for TWIIIIGHlight!! OK, not really, but the progressive rock & vampires WILL mix again in the next HBN video, I predict...
The one bad thing about liking the book is you are right away grouped with the losers that are totally obsessed. Its gonna be like that when my other favorite vampire book comes out...:(
I can't be arsed to scrawl through all the comments to see if this has already been clocked, but why does the title say, "5 Reasons You'll Hate The Movie 'Twilight'", but the video refers to 6 points of grievance? As such, I'll bellow a similar klaxon to the one used in your videos, and concede that basic numeracy is not to be expected from arts majors. However, alluding to the arithmetic nature of your show in the title suggests a certain pride in the rigidity of your mistake.Well done for Operation Mission Accomplished. Still, good to hear you're coming back.
the books were ok-ish the movie was so terrible it was hilarious! i love the stuff that makes fun of it on this sight ya know, you freakish twilight fans (or whatever the fuck they call you. twilighters? fanpires? c'MON.) theres other books out there that are a million times better than this crap (though im sure you dont care. so just keep drooling over the ever charming (COUGH terrible actor COUGH) rob pattinson. ps go smoke some weed kristin stuart. and take along noemia and ama
*looks down at all the comments* LOUD NOISES!!!!
noemia is CLEARLY a troll do not feed the trolls
i bet you u havent even seen the movie!!!!!!!! its a good romantic,funny,movie!!!! i also think u have nothing eles 2 do u hobo!!!! thats why ur making a video of twilight saying why u shouldnt like it and last time i checked u said 5 good reasons not 2 like twilight and u have like 6!!!!!
hahahaaaaa
lol he did 6
HBN: Comment Edition! Edwardswoman says "I bet half of you haven't even read the books. (1. We probably haven't and by the looks of the movie it makes us not want to even more. So go yell at the directors for making a bad stereotype for the books. )If you hate it so much why do you waste your time bashing it? (2. Everyone does this, whether it trully sucked or didn't people are gonna voice how they feel, more so if it's something horrible) it's something that keeps people entertained and happy (3. So does bashing it.) so why do you have to talk so bad about it (4. I'm sure I could ask you the same question about one of your ex boyfriends. Probably your most recent one who left you because he "just didn't understand" your obsession with twilight (you want proof look at the damn name))"
Ah, Twilight. It used to be good, when I was in seventh grade and no one had heard of it yet. There are many books out there that are better than twilight (WHAT? HOW CAN THAT BE POSSIBLE?? Because Stephenie Meyer doesn't write worth crap) Also, Ama? The creepy facebook stalking teenagers thing was a JOKE. A JOKE. They exist in the real world.
Some of these comments make this video so much better.
Ama, honey? Shut the fuck up. The movie? Sucked! The books were poorly written and crap. Do I still like them? Yes. Yes I do. Whoever decided to make that twat Edward Cullen is a fucking retard, not out precious Gladstone. Here's a tip - stop being a hypocrite, you fucking idiot. But I loved this vid. ^^
Holy shit... this is hilarious. I apologize for the many times I've hated on this show due to my missing Lex.
You are a stupid mofo'and i ddnt even find anythn funny except the carry on my wayward son bit otherwise u talked shit,and yes,u are a sick fucked up pedo....why wld u want to write lil gals on Facebook....sick s.o.b!!!! Ps Edward is so fuckin sexy and u'r not so deal withit and i dnt see why u waste so much time and energy on somethn u hate....are u hopin to convert a few pple or jst tryna mek urslf knwn to pple in a very lame way.Get a life retard and leave pple who love the books or movie alone - no matter how crappy u thnk they are.Fuck u mann!!!
Alright, So I found this video very funny, especially the 'Carry on the Wayward Sun' Part. I don't like Twilight much, although I will say that the books are better than the films. But that is how it is most of the time. Howeverrrr, I don't agree with the Harry Potter part. I am a huge Harry Potter fan, I've been through puberty, thank you. =D Anyway, keep making the videos. Don't pay attention to the people hating. ^_^ Love ya,
I bet half of you haven't even read the books. If you hate it so much why do you waste your time bashing it? it's something that keeps people entertained and happy so why do you have to talk so bad about it
I love you ahahaha this is hilarious and soo true no matter what any fangirls say it is a bunch of marketing crap aimed at mindless teenage girls lol you can add me on facebook anytime:P
I keep thinking to myself every time... If he's hundreds of years old why the hell does he act like he's seventeen? That's plenty of time to deal with your teen drama and emo feelings; he should be mature as shit by now. "How long have you been seventeen?" "A while." You sure wouldn't think that way when you see how he acts.
I'm a geeky teenage girl raised on Harry Potter. We haven't all crossed over, you know.
Lol @ the retarded fangirls in the comments You are more entertaining than the video itself.
The movie sucks, and so do the books.
HBN is so funny I have to remember to breath, I'm laughing so hard. Keep em rollin. BTW, you're hot, and love the pheme toon. Do one on all the crappy movies coming out n...Oh.
Ok, I am a very big Twilight fan, hence the name, and I just wanted everyone to know that the movie was nothing like the book, which was a very big dissapointment to me, but that didn't infulence my liking of the book. So I dont care if you hated the movie or loved it or refuse to read the book, so be it. But at least give it a chance, thats all i have to say. Oh, and Mr. Who ever you are, the Twilight books have more potencial than you ever will, and your so called jokes were horrible.
This movie seemed to me just like "The Covenant" movie, but with "vampires" instead of "wizzards"... just a bunch of good-looking people jumping around showing off their superpowers... And I refuse to read the books. Once you know the best-seller formula, books like that become painfully predictable.
People are just silly...
I think you should go fuck your mother, because you are a sick little peice of shit. And I love Twilight, and I hate harry potter. I hate that more than you. Ok? So stop being a stereotyping pedo. :)
Edward = an average goth with big forehead
hey duche...you had more than 5 rasons remember...you're title..."5 Reasons You'll Hate The Movie 'Twilight'" yeah 5 stick to your mother funcking title...and stop writing girls on facebook...and ya the difference is he's actually hot while you're creepy you suck a whole lot worse than the movie ever could
I really wanna see this movie now this vid had the reverse effect on me that vampire looks hot even though hes only seventeen yet about a hundred years old
The observation about the process the book went through to get published was dead on. I'm glad Harry Potter got kids reading and all, but if crap like this is the end result (and the hordes of brainwashed fans, of course) then you can keep 'em. Damn. People digging bad books and movies - that's fine. People pretending that because they LIKE something that happens to be craptastic that it's fine art? Christ. I hope we can sterilize them.
all right, all i can comment about this is the "spiderman thing"is this spider pig,spider pig does whatever a spider pig does....owwwww beat that bitch
okay, really not funny. like, incredibly lame not funny. and no, thats not because i dont have a sense of humour, it just generally was not funny...at all. the books and film are amazing. amy winehouse jokes are so last year. its all about lily allen now.
Your jokes are kinda lame, and I wouldn't know this movie existed if I didn't keep hearing people complain about it. But it does appear to be turning vampires into pussies like Brokeback made cowboys gay.
that was awesome! "carry on my wayward son!" this short clip is much funnier and better than the whole movie. the movie sucked. p.s. i am entitled to my opinion, so deal with it.
InB4 "100-Year-Old Virgin" joke.
Ok I haven't read all the comments so I don't know if I'm repeating anything but here's my opinion.... I'm am totally obsessed with Twilight and I'm not ashamed of it. This video was funny even though it was making fun of my favorite book series, because unlike some of the Twilighters I really don't care if everyone likes the book/movie it's their opinion. I like to hear comments that non-Twilighters say about the movie because some of them do make sense, like the music reference in this video. Rock music or whatever totally doesn't go with vampires but in Twilight is they aren't really "normal" vampires which I'm sure a lot of people have noticed. Stephenie Meyer came up with her own type of vampire so to speak and even though they do have some characteristics of the "normal" vampires such as, sucking blood they are still very different like when they sparkle in the sun. The only comment I really didn't like was the one about the fans. Yes I did like Harry Potter before T
Wait, he's hundreds of years old and has never had a girlfriend?
ahaha very funny
Wow is this guy ever lame. If he doesn't like the movie or any of twilight why doesn't he just say so. I am obsessed with twilight, so I really should just say that i thought it was great and to not listen to this stupid guy!!!!!!
Seriously....what the hell is wrong with the school systems of this country....why can't any of these children spell?!?!?!?!?! holy shit man....what a shame.....
I watched the movie with my girlfriend, and I hated the movie. People told me that its good they didnt leave anything out of the book, I told them that they should have left out the whole thing. Enough about the movie though, great Hate By Numbers, as always Mr. Gladstone.
Yes, my user name is twilightkisses deal with it im not offended and im not going to fight about anything. You wrote what you wanted so what who cares its over with.i did not think this was as funny as some of you think its was but thats my point of view.I dolike twilight any have read the books, but i have yet to see the movie so therefore i dont know what to think of it yet when i do i'll tell you if you want.....Till then fuck up it's the best way.....hehehe!!!!!
you know what. i loved the book. but the movie was okay. And i used to like harry potter. and i don`t see anything wrong with that. and i read all the books are amazing.
And yes i mean FEAR not FARE
heheheheheheheheheheheh.......NOT! Everybody is wrong,but it is funny to watch be throw words at each other like it's candy!!!!Wow if words could kill we'd be dead by tomorrow!!!! Now hell_is_mine seems pretty cool...and a little to high...what in the hell have you been smoking? Fear well and i'll see you in hell later...hehehe!
shut the hell up, mkay? I personally love the movies, and no, it isn't just for young girls. my older brother and sister, both in their twenty's love this movie. just because you don't like doesn't mean it isn't good. so yeahh. get a reality check.
i dont like u very much! all i know is nothing wrong with this movie, juz something wrong with ur brain.
I think this is definitly one of your best. Carry on my wayward son... brought tears to my eyes. so flippin funny. And that face. Jebus... good stuff gladstone good stuff...
I've never read the books.. but I really liked the movie. But I'm sappy. :-P
Lol, Carry on my wayward son to Dracula. BRILLIANT!
I haven't been able to watch this, because my gaylord computer decided speakers shouldn't be able to work with it. But just from the comments... XD All you fangirls, you crack me up. I got told to shut the fuck up when I asked my friend to let me out so I could pee. I'll be saying I told you so when I piss myself right next to you >.> Also, you shouldn't get so offended when someone insults the books or movie. Having read the books and seen the movie, I /do/ in fact know what I'm talking about, so don't use that one on me. Personally, I think the movie is much better than the books. Still isn't that great though.Bella has an actual personality on screen. The books are bland and repeat over and over how amazingly perfect Edward is. Personally, I want to laugh at his sparkles, and then deck him. He's a dick. And Jake. They're both pushy, annoying men trying to win Bella over. They treat like a posession, and that just annoys me. I like the idea of eternal love and all that, but Edwa
Haha that Starship Trooper one was very funny, being I am a huge Yes fan.
haha nice! Sad thing is that I'm looped in with that young girl group and I absolutly hated this movie I've read the book I'm not going to lie but really it's not "amazing" at least not to me and I'm tired of people getting upset when others don't agree that it's the best book ever God get over it
I forgot to say something.... im crazy SO GO TO FUCKIN HELL BITCH....thats where i am..im the queen....sike just kidding. oh and if people were really a fan of twilight(kinda like me but i dont go crazy for it)they would learn to live with life and not cry like a fuckin baby when someone says something bad...but its funny reading them so keep posting to make me laugh i have nothing better to do
Hey who cares what people think say what you feel like saying it's a free country.......And this was so funny i started to cry so if any one has to say something bad about that...........FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA BITCH YOU DONT OWN ME.....
That's right, you give it to The Lost Boys WANABE's
You guys are just jealous that you can't set teenage girl's hearts aflutter. I feel indifferent about the whole 'Twilight' fad. I just watched this to support HBN
This was so funny! oh and btw, for all the people who have been defending the book and movie and/or telling everyone who doesn't like it to grow up,no one really cares.if you don't like twilight being bad mouthed, why did you watch a video titled "5 reasons you'll hate the movie 'twilight'"?
So staying in abusive relationships based off of looks is a positive message for teens? I have to disagree there.
perfect or not... for teenagers and oldies who crave for everlasting love without limits, the movie is great.after all,a movie doesnt need to be perfect, its the impact it creates to the people. live with it....no one can let the good ones down.after all, its a movie anything can happen, be it that a vampire can fly or not.who cares anyway.the movie has a very positive outcome to the teenagers...bravo!!!its nice to fall in love whoever and whatever your age is.....
Take that Swaim's Arrested Development post! I'm comin' for ya!
oh, and quick aside: the movie made (almost) 70 million opening weekend, which is the most for a female director, but is so far below the dark knight's opening as to be a joke. so, just so you guys are clear, the numbers prove that it's not the #1 movie of the year. so sorry to prove you 15 year olds wrong.
damn, I thought the link was to a guy pissing up a rope, looks good though.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! ok, there's nothing more annoying than people (particularly shrill 14 year old girls) who freak out when you poke fun at something they love. honestly, i think it's freaking hilarious. i've read each book (including the 12 chapters of midnight sun) at least 3 times, and you know what? they're not great. it's a decent story, and the movie's ok. but seriously, i'm a lolfan of this stuff, and i gotta say that this is an epic win. nice job.
Ugh. Insane fangirls. I swear they're trolling. /puke
fruck u the movie is awesome and u should try and read the book so dont go sayin stuff about the best best best movie in the world
i really really Really (!!!) dont like you
Wow! 7 million dollars? I guess in universe of stupidity, 7 millions dollars is more than the 500 million dollar gross of The Dark Knight!
u guys are nothing but a-holes twilight was amazing like my friend said why dont u guy just shut up and get a life u have no reason to say this kind of b.s like this bout twilight. This movie will get more money then u ever will.And instead of cracking on twilight crack on urself cuz ur nothing but a joke!
u know wut u dont have a clue the movie is suppose to be different from the book!!! duuuuuh!!!! so stop tryin to say something u dont know about i read the book 3 times saw the movie 3 times and u know wut i thought it was great so u can keep saying this non-sense but twilight is the #1 movie of the yr. it made ovr 7 million dollars u guys just dont understand enything god a 15 yrs old has to tell u this? thats pretty sad THE MOVIE WAS FREAKIN AMAZING!!!! so get a life!!!! u need to stop u make me so angry i need to stop befor i break my keyboard.
Ok, so I just saw the movie last night. Yeah, it sucked. Ignoring the plotline and the gay vampires and all that, the acting was terrible, the photography was a joke, and . . . It was just amusing to watch. I read all of the books, and I actually enjoyed them, sort of. I learned right away that the first three hundred pages of each book sucked. But I read them. And after watching the movie last night with my teenage, female cousins, I think I finally understand why there is so much insane hype over this . . . This is the first time, ever, that most of these people have read a book and seen it brought to life on screen. Someone may have already stated this, but I haven't read all the comments, and I just came upon this realization. I've read a lot of books and seen them turned into movies and I've been disappointed almost everytime. Jurassic Park was decent, Timeline sucked, The new War of the Worlds sucked, I am Legend sucked . . . i could go one, but you get the poin
ive watched the movie and all he said there were all true. and if you are hurt then that means you are truly not a fan cause you cant take criticisms! ugh people!!
wtf shut up its getting noisy over here!
Ok in response to Fawns Post about being 14, and the rest of us being immature. the point is that 14 year old fangirls who think that its the best story and writing ever. i hated the books, saw the movie and holy crap that shyte was bad. the only thing i got out of it was a flash movie ideas. If you want comedy from a movie or book series, read or watch somehting based off humor. cuz honestly the humor on the books was horribly just pathetic, and there was no humor in the movie, Sept the part were Bella is having a sex dream about Edward and edward is standing right there. i found that amusing.
Haha, I'm a total fan of the books but I love the humor associated with it.(It's hilarious!) Most people who like the books give me a bad name, you crazy immature fans need to learn to laugh at yourselves. By the way, I am 14. Aka: younger than that etremely annoying twilight fan troll posting earlier than me.
i ment to say get a life...sorry
WOW,people need to get.(im not saying for the twilighters to grow up,let them be,and im not saying the other people grow up, im saying have you own opinon and and grow up when your ready to)
Internet is for lolz
Fail internet.
Another thing twilight_fan all i have to say to you is WOW you need a life....and fast
WOW,this is some shit. i couldnt stop laughing.People take a chill pill its comedy laugh at the joke dont hate it.Ok i have read this book,its ok but express your feelings where someone cares please!!!!!!! and another thing people need to grow up.well maybe not i still act like a kid. And im 16 going on 17 live your life just don't post it NO ONE CARES
if you havent read the book i really dont think you can judge the movie , yes the book was better but not everyone likes it i am older than a 15 year old but i dont think you should judge if you dont know anything about it.
It makes me unhappy that everyone assumes I'm a hardcore twiliht fan just because I'm a fifteen-year-old girl. It's even worse that I'll be stuck in a group considered generally nintellegent and totally unliked. Come on, twilight fans, you can post up whatever opnion you like, and you have a right to. But please, don't give ALL fifteen-year-olds a bad name. Thanks.
I agree with everything you've said Candystriped.sure i liked the book a little, but not to the point of yelling at anyone who thinks differently.and also, the actor playing edward(Robert Patterson) always seems to be begging to be fired, probably because of most of the fanbase are batshit insane.
I actually loved the movie twilight and I hate Harry Potter. So don't go pulling that number. I know you want to make a good online show, but people aren't always going to agree.
Candystriped: Shut thee fuck up. Twillight is yet another vampire book/movie with an overused plot line, and unrealistic characters.
Wowee First off, it is within my personal (and rightly deserved) opinnion that Twighlight sucks, and even the actor playing Edward agrees. Secondly - how many of you I wonder, are going to flame me for saying that. Honestly, how DARE I not like Twilight? How DARE I express my thoughts on it? To the Twilight fans - some of you are decent human beings who respect another persons like to not like / make fun of something. Thank you! You guys rock Others like the 15 year old twunt that is twilight-fan - MY GOD grow the hell up kid! It's a work of fiction! Why does it matter so much that people make fun of twilight? I for one like the band "Within Temptation", I dont throw a major pissy fit whenever someone speaks ill of them. Why? Because I'm adult and like to act as such - a few of you out there ought to do the same
"back to the grow up shit im fuckin 15 fuckin years old no one needs to tell me to grow up." Awesome sig material. Too bad we don't have sigs here :(
twilight_fan, I tried to read that but passed out due to hyperventilation. Learn grammar, learn to spell, learn to punctuate and capitalize. Until you do all this, just shut the fuck up. You still have a lot of growing up to do. Believe me...
These comments make me sad for the internet.
why can't everyone just shut up already.God Damn theres about 10 of you saying grow up why dont you fuckin grow up and keep your mouth shut for once and maybe we will listen to what your saying. another thing its more childish to even have posted thing video to start with. if your a girl im not talking to you, you might already no thing but girl merchur faster than guys do. back to the grow up shit im fuckin 15 fuckin years old no one needs to tell me to grow up.my sister has said shit on here with my account. so many of you might think im GOING CRAZY ABOUT THIS BOOK i like it and i am a fan but not to the point im drop dead about it. i support the ones who are right,the ones that are trying to get it through your thick little skulls that GROW UP SHIT IS POINTED TO YOU TO!and peole do have a right to speak what they say and think but when your telling other peple to do something that you to need to do is wrong......GROW UP...and im saying this to my self to save you the truble and
ok I went through and read some of the comments before I even looked at the video. I was expecting it to be funny but its not. It's pathetic actually. I have read all the books and I enjoyed them all. You have all these people on here posting things about growing up... Look at you, you are posting a comment online about roast on a film that just came out today. You are putting down the "Twilight" fans but have any of you read the book or watched the movie. I didn't think so. Honestly everyone needs to get a life and find something better to do with your time. It's a movie for crying out loud come on now, what have you done that is so spectacular...
So, I am a twilight fan, however, i personally find this video pretty much hillarious. I agree with most of you all that this movie is going to...suck. And, no offense intended...but, ok, so all you die-hard twilight fans who are defending this movie(which hasn't come out yet) this video is making fun of it...so, if you leave comments saying how amazing this movie will be, you're going to be made fun of. Also, if you're a serious twilighter...y are u even watching this? And, Ironmallet...i completely agree with you. They can't spell.
Also, you hardcore fans need to chill. Seriously, there are better books out there (Like Anne Rice novels) Also, all you little girls need to learn grammar and spelling. That AIM talk is not cool. It is annoying. Learn to write and respond like an adult if you want to comment on a site with mostly adults who will not hesitate to ridicule you. That is all
Ha that was hilarious! I am a fan of the books, but I fear this movie is going to be terrible. I have many problems with the casting already, especially of the dude that plays Edward. I'm going to see it, but I am going to throw something at any Teenybopper that disturbs me. I can't believe all the hype over these books. I read them before they were even popular....
Is it just me or pretty much all Twilight fans can't spell or punctuate for shit? It clearly betrays their age.
I'm not going to lower my self to argue, but I say THANK YOU because there is no such thing as bad publicity
Another thing... If you're going to be passionate about the books/movie (either for or against), you may want to use correct grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. People might take you a bit more seriously.
I think this is hysterical; I nearly choked laughing. To be honest I am not a fan of the series, and I know Twilighters don't want to see their favorite books in the world getting roasted a bit, but come on guys. True fandom comes when you can make fun of the stuff you love. So lighten up Twilighters. This is some funny stuff (and technically, he wasn't bashing the book. He was going after the movie).
ok this may be a comedy website but i dont think its very funny when someone makes fun of a little girl thats geeky.(what did she ever do to you). im a twilight fan and is going to watch it this friday at the movies (with my lil sis) who care about the music in this,so whar if the author stole reactions from spiderman maybe she liked spiderman growing up. to the people saying "GROW UP AND READ SOMETHING USEFULL"maybe we dont want to grow up so fast you push us to grow up. im not saying this so called funny video is wrong and that he doesnt know what hes talking about im saying dont make fun of other people its wrong and called horrasment(i dont know how to spell,so dont laugh)you could go to jail you know!!!!
holy shit twilight fans, can you be any more pathetic by passionately defending this stupid series? And for the people who are saying that this guy is unrealistic and unreasonable about the piece of shit book and movie should realize that this review is not to be taken seriously. For all the geeky pathetic people in love with Twilight, let me make this clear: Cracked is a comedy website, which is not supposed to be taken seriously and it's there for just pure entertainment. Oh and also, grow the fuck up and start reading more grown up shit other than twilight. You're definitely taking a step back in the growing up department.
this movie does look like shit and anybody that thinks it might be good can go piss up a rope. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ICp4g9p_rgo
1. wtf does amy whinehouse have to do with this? 2. he shows absolutely no relationship to spiderman in this preview, yet alone the movie or book 3. the one song playing in the preview is not the entire soundtrack dumbass, if you were actually educated about your arguments, you would know that the soundtrack has actual songs on it, nothing that would be in a nerd movie for losers like you 4. that s because you re an ugly creeper loser, the character AND actor are attractive and have a chance of getting laid (and edward is only like 100 years old) 5. hahaha you cant come up with better things than commenting his facial expressions? I guess you are just as interested in him as all things girls with the fluttering hearts if you re paying that much attention to his face. And he wants to try kissing a pretty girl, something you may never get to experience, fag. 6. (I thought this was supposed to be the FIVE reasons not to see the movie) you are ignorant. You re bringing up thin
you do know that those readons are just fucking stupid? u dint even read the book.and ure just so un realistic. be reasonable, they cant make the movie exactly like you want them to. can you do better? i dont think so. so stop criticizing other movies!
this goes to Yackitysmackity: i'm not offended its just that it gets on my nerves that this guy hasnt even read this book(thats my guess)and judges it with no problem. im just so use to being judge just by one look.(just because im goth doesnt mean anything) and dont think people should do it when they dont even no what its about. ok its about vampires its not hard to see that, but we dont judge what you do. know do we?????
Gotta love the fags that are suddenly going insane defending the book. I've read all four, and the only reason anybody would like it is if you are a 12 year old girl with no experience with good books and no imagination. Or if you're just a gay child molester. That's about it.
wow....most part im mostly speakless, but i also think none of this is true, its just F***in messed up,
you are A FUCKING HATER
oops, not jin, I meant twilight_fan. My apologies.
Note to jin and fans_of_vamps: Get a clue, tools. The video is spot on, and if you're offended that much, you need to get out more. No one really cares if it pisses you off, if your opinion mattered, then you're probably sensible enough to know that the author of this book is a hack... It apparently doesn't take much to garner the attention of lonely, teenage scene girls. "Forbidden" romance, Something "dark" like Vampires, and a pretty white girl who you'd like to be... Genius. I should write a book like her.
My heart is not a flutter. have you even read the books! i belive that the movies don't always follow the books! and what the Hell is starship trooper? and you should really read the books
Nice vid, Twilight, and all it's sequels, were pretty terrible books, and I don't expect anything better from a movie.
well, jin, there are only two more coming, but enjoy.
i will be watching for your next videos, i am a fan of twilight but i dont mind listening to these things. cause i think it helps me with my obsession D: keep it coming!
wow things you do for your crush...man.
"Make a facial expression other than this?" had me giggling for about fifteen minutes straight.
ok after a few mintuse of cooling down i will say that im srry for hurting anyones feelings. we all have our opinons on this an i think we have a right to speak, i did my share. but things happen....so this happen to me and got me mad so now i will not watch this anymore and will not spred the word ok, thanx and have a nice night
I think there are like 4 people who didn't like this vid. And hell, I don't care if there were 400. I hope the few who are wetting themselves read through the comments and saw that there were several Twilight fans who found this video funny. I don't find that hard to believe. The humor in this HBN as in most is around the edges of the topic, hardly decimating the existence of any Twilight fan. Having said that. You losers are Twilight fans. Man that's embarrassing.
you people dont know what your talking about twlight is a f**kin awesome movie and this jacka** has no clue what the f hes talking about....F ALL WHO HATE TWILIGHT YOU DONT KNOW WHAT WE GO THERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!..DONT PI** ME OFF
You sir, are awesome. I don't care what all the other little commenter's say, this made me laugh pretty hardcore. Awesome job.
like the other f**kin peolpe said theres a whole lot of people who love this book and if this jurk off wants to make a jacka** of him self let if because im not the one getting hate mail r i....NO IM NOT...think twice before you do something stupid like this thats YOUR going to regret
You make me sick....theres girls uot there that r in love with this movie, girl about 6years old and if they see this your the one who made them crie not me
im not a geeky little girl...i dont even like harry potter i still like twlight and vampires...so what am i a freak guess what i already have peple calling me that your to late
you really bug me....maybe whoever made the movie was expired by spiderman
i love twilight and if you dont like keep it to your self....some dont like to hear things like this..:(
im pretty sure this story is actually old. go to http://stuffididlastnight.com for full details
I actually think this video was pretty bad at first, although I think the whole Twilight bullshit is stupid. His cracks on the trailer are just kind of dumb and don't really make a point... but the last remark about the marketing machine and all that (Anne Rice meets harry potter) was dead on, and redeemed the whole video :)
genius. please post more. make me hate twilight cause i am still obsessed i hate it!!!
hilarious..
This is one of my favorite HBNs to date. Dracula + Kansas = AWESOME.
Have to say, the Dracula bit made me burst out giggling like a sexual predator.
Screw the pseudo-trolls, Gladstone. Hate By Numbers rocks!
im one of those geeky little girls who grew up with harry potter and have now gone through puberty :)
kez2j, I would marry you, but i fear for our second life/human children.
ka_la_la_lira: you have read the movies? Even though not even the first one is out yet, you rock! But not as much as Gladstone, he rocks my non teen, gay vampire loving world. Marry me?
gret!
I'm with you on this one, Gladdis Knight and the Pimps. Damn some gay vampires, and bring on "Underworld: Rise of the Lycans"!
I believe in a Kharmic force that makes trolls spell "ignorent" wrong when they're calling people "ignorant." Thanks for keeping that faith alive Zodga.
Name: Zodga Member Since: November 13th, 2008 Last Seen: November 13th, 2008 10:09 am Wow, you made a account just to talk trash about hate by numbers while expressing how much you love gay teenage vampire movies. Way to go, Douche.
Ok so obviously this mother fucker never read the books and thinks that he is cool riping on a book millions of people love and a movie that millions are waiting for. Honestly I think this man is just a no brained loser who wants to feel better about himself so he filmed himself talking about shit he dose not know about trying to make it seam horid while in reality he looks like an idiot in this. So what I am trying to say is fuck this video and that retard who did it and sugest he jump off a cliff and spare us anymore of his ignorent stupidity
haha, that was funny, and is obvious that he didn't read the book at all
come on, vampires were ALWAYS lame . . .
I happen to be a huge fan of the books, and yet, I thought this video was hilarious. "Stop stealing tricks from Spiderman." And come on, people. He's so right. The book was written by an English major with a hard-on for Anne Rice, and the movie was written by a fat production manager who said, "This shit is a cashcow. Call Cedric from Harry Potter."
As a teenage girl, and reader of all the Twilight movies I can say... this movie is going to be awful. To an unimaginable level. And yet I'll still go see it. Oh, and trust me on this. If you spent a little more time online: "...lets not make all the vampires gay." "I know who likes not gay vampires! Girls!" WRONG!!!! SO VERY WRONG!
Defend it how you will but you don't hear about hordes of middle aged guys trampling one another to get the heroes autograph. Its a vampite romance... its target is teen girls, and yes its true not all of the fans are teen girls but the majority is by far.
This movie is gonna be comedy gold.
I can't fucking stand the way that chick talks/acts...she completely monotone and it sounds like she has a mouth full of shit. Fuck the movie and the book.
'me2008' is right, twlight is also loved by affeminate, Cracked readers such as 'me2008', who i have a sneaking feeling is also a paramore/my chemical romance/general wuss psuedo punk band etc
Ahahaha! "I want to try something." What, trying to make a facial expression other than this! >:l" I could hug you right now!
You're an idiot. Do some research. Twilight is loved by way more than teens. Dumbass.
Me too, Moo626..bootleg it is.
It's robert's magical hair that will draw the girls in I'll wait till its on bootleg
Oh my gosh. I laughed SO HARD at the Dracula clip.
HAHHAHAHA. Stephaniecullen is *hilarious*! She sounds like somebody straight off of digg!
I thought this video was hilarious even though I'm in love with the books and I'm looking forward to the movie. Anyone who is offended by this must not have a sense of humor. lol. Carry on my wayward son! lol
Check it out, Gladstone's modeling fucking organic t-shirts: http://www.302designs.com/
Agreed Casemon, especially when the crucifix comes out. Classic.
It looks like they're cutting the balls off vampires. They're not scary anymore.
I'm not gonna see this film for the same reason i did not see Blood & Chocolate, The Covenant and Underworld 2. This happens to be the same reason I wish I hadn't seen Underworld, the Craft and Blade Trinity. I don't really know what the reason is but it's there.
From the past few eps, I thought HBN started to wane, but the "Carry on my wayward son" with Dracula mashup is pure gold :)
To be quite honest, once the last two HBN's are done, I'll stop visitting cracked.
Another reason you'll probably hate Twilight is, it's like they combined True Blood with High School Musical but without the music. In fact, you'd think this was a ploy to cash in on the whole 'New Vampire" genre. Except whereas True Blood actually works, it seems Twilight seems like True Blood Lite. Ah well. What next, a Teenage Frankenstein movie? Oh, wait, that's already been done.
Marry me, Gladstone.
These last episodes are best! I wasn't a big fan of numbers (I actually hated the first I watched). Now though, I feel bad that there would be no hate by numbers (unless of course, it's a publicity trick :P)
Dracula + Kansas = PURE GOLD!
The female protagonist sort of deserves a darwin award. Someone made a spoof of the trailer, and it was hilarious!
great one Gladstone. your really making me belive you can be funny. *chuckle* serriously, good job.
HA! Loved it.
Yuo are onree funny man on site "Cracked.com" meester glodstonne.
I love you Gladstone, dont leave. Cracked wont be the same without you
i hated the book, and this tells me i'll hate the movie.
stephaniecullen- your whiny opinion is void on this video. Your user name says all we need to know about you.
*stephaniecullen* If you don't agree with the vid then walk away. Moaning about how the vid is contrary to your point of view simply wastes your time. Also, you sound REALLY kiddie when you moan like that! Become better educated about mr Gladstone by visiting his website and get to know his work better before calling him a "loser"
Yes the good vampire movies are action. Not horror, but definately not teen romance. As my friend who likes the series says. its terrible but its like crack i dont know why i like it but im obsessed.
Skipminitz wrote: What's this about vampires "becoming" lame? When has anyone actually been scared by a vampire movie? The only good vampire movies were action, not horror. Actually, the old Nosferatu was quite scary. youllforgetit, try Discworld. Gladstone, thank you a lot. It's one of your best.
i don't personally know the man that made this video but he seems to be a loser. an older man shitting on younger girls beause we like a book. your pathetic. you're full of hatred and its discusting. youll never have a life. have you even read the book? i really doubt you have. so until you have some education about twilight, sit down, and shut up.
you know what bothers me. the fact that you will all just sit there and insault this book/movie. im not going to waste my time making fun of something you like... so what if we like this book/movie. the writting was amazing, the vocabulary was fantastic, everything was actually done well. so shut the fcuk up. honestly, your wasting your time.
You are so right GStone all the girls I know who like this book loved Harry Potter. M y friend tried reading it and he said it was the biggest load of bullshit he had ever laid hands on. Apperently the girl just goes on and on about how the vampire guy is the best and perfect. I can't beleive someone actualyy read this book and thought it would be a good idea to make a movie out of this.
See, the vampire got botox, so he couldn't change his expression and he's a whimp. Problem solved.
I cannot even begin to contain my rage for these books. I'm sure the movie will be just as wretched. Those books are bloody written in the voice of a jaded twelve year old. I give up all hope on literature. And now on film.
Gladstone, I've said it before, I'll likely say it again...we would be nothing were it not for your hate. Please, oh please, don't take you hate away from us. What will we be left with? Acceptance? Worse yet, ambivalence?
This movie is going to destroy the mysticism of vampires like the prequel Star Wars trilogy did with Darth Vader. Making him seem like a whiny teenage bastard son of a bastard.
"Vampires into whips" Thank YOU, xolta, for the marvelous idea for my next unsold screenplay.
Woo! I hate Twilight with a passion, and this was awesome. What the trailer forgot to mention was that instead of dying, the sun makes the vampires' skin sparkle. I'm not kidding.
Great video Gladstone. You tell it like it is.
"I just want to try one thing" BEEP Oh, really? And what's that? Making a facial expression other than this? *imitates* Teh epic lawlzers.
Tesla-Fangirl, Clarkson is the polar opposite of good literature. He's at least as far away from it as Twilight. Funny, yes. A good standard against which crap like Twilight can be measured? I don't think so. Top Gear, though: Top Gear is solid quality.
Pure win. Why only two more episodes?
this actually made me laugh =]
thank you wade for show how people need to stop making the vampires in to whips they need to stop
I'm a huge fan of twilight, so you wouldnt have thought i'd have laughed so much at this video. the film looks awful, but i love the books to pieces
Well, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you. I know your column is called 'Hate by Numbers' but it sort of seems like you're completely missing the point of a vampire movie. Vampires are the most attractive of the undead because they are immortal, they know how to manipulate people's emotions (because they understand them), and they have all these super powers (depending on the mythology). And if you're 245, there's really no difference between macking on a 17 year old or an 80 year old--they're all children to you. Was that completely lost on you? I do have to give you props for the 70s rock thing, though. That was hilarious. Oh, and by the way, we've been overmarketing everything for a LONG time. So your commentary on capitalism falls flat at best. There are much more egregious cases of the evils of capitalism than a movie. By the way, in case you didn't notice, those were 6 reasons, not 5. Anyway, props for the 70s rock thing, but otherwise, this re
i loved that dracula scene for some reason.
What's this about vampires "becoming" lame? When has anyone actually been scared by a vampire movie? The only good vampire movies were action, not horror.
Ha You described the Twilight fans down to a tee. I have many friends who I could describe in the same way. Vampires have been turned into the equivilant of the effeminate goth boyfriends the readers of "Twilight" long for
Oh man, Starship Trooper. Oh man, what a solo at the end.
oh yeah, and i'm totally watching the movie for the sparkle scene.
Funniest episode of HBN ever! What's all this about only two episodes left? *Goes and plays the Dracula scene a few more times* Why can't vampires all be like the ones in Blade? I read Harry Potter and hated everything about it except Voldemort who didn't even win in the end. Made me throw the last book at my wall. And now all my peers are reading this crap (while I read Jeremy Clarkson and Oscar Wilde). I have to say, I must be the only teenage girl who is not attracted to boys at all. I hit puberty and it was straight to men! God, Blade is so hot...Not to mention all the other vampires in those movies.
meh I only liked the first book after that, Bella becomes sooo annoying and whiny, I wished someone would have kicked her head off
hahaha the Kansas thing...priceless.
Uzeilis, the YES song is Starship Trooper, not Troopers, unrelated to the giant alien bug movie. (I think) I have no idea what the YES song is about really. Magical mice?
Dracula set to Wayward Son is one of the best things I have ever seen. Ever.
this movie is gonna suck cold vampire balls
Well, she wrote the book and they financed the movie so before anyone throws mud, let's have a look at the film, shall we? 'Starship Troopers' was a song, too...interesting.
Alright Gladstone, you finally made a good one. I admit, I didn't think you had it in you. But you came through.
Two episodes left?! Are you crazy? You're the best thing since Zero Punctuation! I mean it-- you're good. Like, really good. It's ok if Hate by Numbers is less frequent, that's OK. We just don't want you to up and leave forever.
You know what movie was surprisingly scary? The original Nosferatu.
I woulda gone with mixing "Dracula" with "Tom Sawyer"
g-stone's crazysexy look was so funny i tried to spit out the drink i didn't have in my mouth, which led to some weird choking gag. well done, sir. now never make me do that again.
The 80s seems to be the approximate time that every damn vampire lost their balls. Next thing you know, the werewolves will become vegans and spend hours talking about their feelings. Curse you, Anne Rice! You started this!
I'm gonna miss these videos, they're great when you do something not from the news.
@Kills4Dethklok Hate? As a 19 year old that is as in love with the series as ever I think I'm in love.
Is it just me or does that chick kind of resemble Molly Shannon in that annoying Superstar sketch?
When Kansas came on I just about lost my job from laughing so hard, Twilight sucks Harry Potter balls, and will never come close to being as good as Harry Potter....and yes I'm a 23yr old who is still in love with the Potter series don't hate
ugh... misleading title. and unfunny observations. i think you only have 2 more episodes cause its becoming increasingly hard to think up funny stuff? but hey nice try.
I wanted to make a comment, but I realized that pretty much everything I wanted to say is pretty well summed up here: http://www.askdreldritch.com/ae080722.html
goddamn HATE little PUSSY ASS VAMPIRES. I'm fairly sure the reason a vampire can't go out in the sun is because they'll explode. Not because they're TOO DAMN PRETTY. Fuck. Also: teenage girls who like these books give teenage girls a bad name. ): ALSO: More vampires and 1970's progressive rock.
"I can fly! We can go anywhere!" "How about a tree top?!?" "Yeah okay, I spose...."
I was never interested in the book series (I actually hadn't even heard about it) until I found a chapter-by-chapter summary of the book. The plot sounded so horribly cliched and the main character was such an obvious Mary-Sue that I can't believe anyone could read the books and not want to vomit. I don't see the movie being any better than the books.
I also liked Underworld aside from the following 2 facts: (1) One scene ripped off Trigun, and (2) The movie overall was a piece of shit.
Dracula and Kansas...I never thought that the two together would be so fucking awesome!
Barp
Donadon, They have made hellsing movies. In fact, they've made 5. And an animated series.
That whirring noise, that is the sound of Dracula Rolling over and over in his grave. One more lame portrayal of vampires and he is going to wake up early and eat us all. But it could be worse. He could use his spooky powers to make us read these books.
If anyone knows why there are only 2 episodes left of HBN then let me know...Gladstone you arent going to CNN or something are you?
See - I was really considering writing a flattering comment about how completely kickass this HBN and possibly even 'Gladstone, you have been, and always will be, the god of hating things and the master of bringing joy to the masses through your hate, as well as being a public service to all of these confused, naive girls that seem to think vampires just want to have non-gay sex with them instead of sucking out their soul and/or having gay sex with each other, and I would highly recommend that America throws another election and names you President as, surely, someone of your calibur and willingness to spread the truth shouldn't settle for anything less and wouldn't if I had anything to say about it (which I don't. I only have love for you. LOVE.)' - you know, words to that effect, but then I saw your bright, flashy '2 episodes left' at the end of the episode. So, no. You don't get my compliments. You don't get any flattery. You get to sit at home, sad and flattery-less.
Interview With A Vampire was so overrated for me, i enjoyed the Underworld movies apart from the utterly ridiculous ammunition.
Funiest Hate By Numbers I've ever seen. My sister reads all the Twilight Books. That's right, I'm looking at you, Ellen.
Funiest Hate By Numbers I've ever seen. My sister reads all the Twilight Books. That's right, I'm looking at you, Ellen.
Guys have porn, and girls have romantic sex novels. Deal with it.
Justin_Bobby... Interview with the Vampire? Fucking awesome vampire movie.
Amen, vanityjunkie, Amen. Also, Harry Potter could kick Edward's ass. I am in no way ashamed of making such a claim.
There has never been a decent Vampire movie since the original Dracula - and don't say The Lost Boys!!
they should make a Hellsing movie now THAT'S a de-pussified vampire tale
Um, minivanmonkey? They did make that movie. It's called Blade.
why can't we have movies about how vampires are....oh whats the word.....FUCKING MONSTERS. Their dead and they EAT us! What the fuck!
Ah, Twilight... It's like bad Anne Rice fanfic, only not slash.
I just want a vampire movie without any "love story" bull. I want a movie like "Super Macho 120 minutes of Vampire with superhuman abilities kicking ass!" now that would be a movie i'd pay to see.
Rock on, Gladstone.
Sparkly Vampires. A girl who is a "Unique Snowflake" and needs to be rescued CONSTANTLY? Sounds like Fan-fiction to me folks.
Probably the funniest Hate By Numbers yet. The sad thing is they get funnier as they get closer to the last episode.
haha i loved the "carry on my wayward son" bit
The only note you missed was the creepy Mormon-Church approved "romance" this book encourages as well as the idea that girls with low self-esteem should try and find a pretty boy to enslave themselves to in the hopes that they'd rather have a doormat than, oh say A REAL WOMAN?
I still am longing to find another female at my suburban high school who doesn't masturbate every night to the thought of Edward and his 90s Nick Cannon haircut. I'm worried about today's youth, especially since I'm technically a part of it.
i love you. especially for the facial expressions bit. and if nothing else for ragging on twilight. you're my hero, right behind DOB
I was having a rally pissy day, and i brightended up when i saw really good and it made me a lot happier. Then i saw "only 2 episodes left" Now im in a pissy mood agaibn....
I did not think it could be possible, but this movie actually looks worse than the book. The sad thing, I must confess, when I was 13 I would have been just as obsessed with these books as girls are today. Thankfully my crap detector has gotten somewhat sharper over the years.
You left out vampire fornication. That makes everything so much funnier...
Who says vampires and 70s progressive rock don't mix? Edgar Winter would beg to differ.
The book was dribble, the movie will just be a rehashing of it, but probably worse what with the hundreds of shots of Edward's emotionless face.
OK, Gladstone, you've always been hit or miss with me. But you are now officially irrevocably awesome in my book for the Yes "Starship Troopers" comment.
VKayed, I would fucking watch that movie.
Ugh... Twilight. It's for the girls who were raised on Disney princesses with the mindset "Fairy tales DO happen and one day I'll be swept off my feet by a handsome prince!" and then when they turned teenagers, decided it was totally "dark and hardcore" to like vampires. Vampires or not, it's still a sappy story written for sappy people. I tried reading the books because I thought "Hey, all this hype can't be for nothing", but found out quickly that it was. I seriously felt like I was reading a fan-fiction.
enjoyed this one
Only two hate by numbers left? D: Good work on hating twilight though, it's massively hate-able.
I'm sick of the whole Twilight nonsense. The books were stupid I got through a quarter of the first one before the urge to stab my eyes out became dangerously overwhelming. It will never live up to the standard of Harry Potter and those movies blew chunks. HP boks were awesome though.
APPARENTLY I'VE MISSED OUT AND AM VERY SAD. WHY ARE THERE ONLY 2 HATE BY NUMBERS LEFT?!!!
hmm... something about...Germany and chocolate fondue? I'm reaching here
Damn chocolate jews. They make me so angry.
Oh my God, could it be... a Hate By Numbers that doesn't turn into a comment war? I almost feel the desire to say something really aggressive and offensive to s**ce things up a bit. Jews are made of chocolate. Discuss.
lmao 2:20 gladstone's face. i would love that on a shirt, or a mask, or my face recreated to always be in that form with gladstone's physical features.
humph, i am NOT an icky little girl
I actually really enjoyed the books (despite how mind-blowingly awful they actually are) but I know I'm going to hate the movie - they made it all dramatic and angsty instead of quite lighthearted and funny like most of the dialogue in the books actually is.
You're a little off 'weskerwesker'. It's a little more like... Bella meets vampire, Edward is so beautiful, Edward is so beautiful, Edward is so beautiful, Edward is so beautiful, Edward is so beautiful, Edward is so beautiful, Edward is so beautiful, Edward is so beautiful, Edward is so beautiful, Edward is so beautiful, horrible birthing scene, and finally reader commits suicide.
Gallowglass, the Pink Floyd + Nosferatu= Best Thing Ever
Ha, ha! Perhaps the best HBN yet! Except that is like that you are the smartest person in West Virginia.
My friends called this 'the new every other vampire movie'. I think that might be a little generous now I see this, this is clearly 'the new every other adolescent girl-aimed movie'.
A few weeks ago I wrote a myspace blog (screw you facebook) all about why I hate twilight. I'm with you on this one all the way.
Here guys, I'll save you the trouble of having to read or see this. Girl meets vampire, falls in love, sexual tension, sexual tension, angst, sexual tension, conflict, sexual tension, girl becomes vampire. There, I just ruined 90% of every preteen vampire book out there.
Only two more episodes... but... why?
6? I can think of at least 15
Win! I enjoyed the books. The writing was terrible, though, and I am ashamed to admit it, but I have them sitting next to Dostoevsky on my bookshelf.
Most excellent. I particularly enjoyed the shout outs to both 70s progressive rock and old vampire flicks. Next time mix up some Pink Flyod and Nosferatu. And speaking of next time, are you really going to stop doing HBN? Because that would make me take down my weird Gladstone voodoo shrine.
I LOL'd. Especially at the spiderman comparison. Right on! I'm a geeky female, though, so I sort of want to see this movie. :P
YOU LIED TO ME!!!!! That was 6 instead of 5. I want my money back.
I prefer the gay Anne Rice vampires. What geeky female doesn't like slashy subtext/explicit gayness?
Oh my god that was freaking hilarious. The Dracula part was hilarious though.
I like Harry Potter, I like Twilight, and I'm okay with that. I'm also okay with being a geeky little girl.
As a girl I'M inclined to not go with stereotypical girly shit and not fall for all this "love" marketing bullshit. This movie and the book is so stupid, the author was brilliant in knowing girls will buy this crap. Having said that I shall go to the movie's when that shit comes out just to see what kind of girls will show up, I fear I will be right. Lonely ones....
damn you to hell gladstone! i love robert pattinson/edward cullen and NO im not afraid to admit that im a geeky little girl who used to love harry potter!! if however, i didnt love the twilight books, i would think this is very funny. props.
Kansas matched with Dracula had be ROFLMAO.
Okay, the Dracula bit was amazing. That actually works together really well.
Yes, do make vampires lame! What's a vampire? Just a two-legged mosquito in a silky cloak! A fucking parasite! (like a cuckoo, except that he won't even sing to tell you the time). If I were to shoot a vampire movie, I'd have swarms of them exterminated with a stupid spray, falling down on their back and desperately jerking their filthy limbs like big suckas.
I already knew I was going to hate this movie, but it is nice to hear it put so succinctly. Thanks Gladstone...carry on my wayward son.
That Carry On, Wayward Son/Dracula mash up has got to be the greatest cinematic soundtrack since Toto did the score of Dune.
Don't go, this is the best video series on Cracked
The one thing I can't get over is that if vampire boy "doesn't go out in the sunlight", why is he always out in the sunlight? And come on- pale? What the damn fuck?! I'm whiter than he is!
"'Tween of the Damned"! Come on, I can't be the only one that thought of it... Anyway, I work at a movie theater, and the only people that I know that are psyched for this flick are the teenage girls that I work with that are totally in love with the books. We may have a "Sex in the City"-type situation here where we might find out exactly how much a movie can make when only one specific demographic (and their gay male friends) seems to want to see it. Also, my best friend, who is 24 and will read absolutely anything regardless of quality (she's got a soft spot for trashy romance novels), upon hearing about the "Twilight" movie a few months back, said something along the lines of "Wow, they're turning THAT piece of shit into a movie?". The girl that will read anything will not read that. That's really saying something.
Joobles, 'I care about the lowering of literary standards in today's audiences. I'm not asking for Shakespeare, Homer, or Orwell. I just want something ISN'T a published, four novel fanfic.' I think I love you for that comment. ~t
HBN normally makes me giggle a little... but the Dracula meets Kansas has done it for me... I'm still laughing.
what happened to real badass vampires that lived in fucking huge castles and sucked blood at every hot woman in the town? Now they're just a bunch of whiny teenage kids that cry not because of sadness, but because they're not wearing enough eyeliner. Goddammit.
i dunno, if you could only find 5 reasons that twilight is going to suck, maybe you should be on your way after all.
I spent a minute or two trying to figure out a way to put this elegantly, but i failed. That was fucking brilliant.
Don't go!! We need HBN!!
well i love harry potter, twilight, but i still love cracked.
Twilight Flame War.... And BEGIN!!!
yay for stiff, unnatural acting with goofy looking main characters.
okay, so twilight wasnt all that well written- but as a girl im inclined to like it because edward is all intense and whatever. Also there is an entire chapter where he questions whats-her-fuck about her thoughts and emotions, because it REALLY fascinates him. The harry potter movies suck. this is going to suck worse. im still going to watch it for some reason relating to morbid curiosity.
That... was actually six reasons. Nevertheless, wonderful. Your impression of his facial expression made me break out in a huge unironic grin. Also, congratulations on being one of our finest Prime Ministers, famous for your rivalry with Conservative Benjamin Disraeli and for championing Irish home rule. I mean, all that AND Hate by Numbers? Kudos.
Well said, Joobies. Well said.
2 episodes left? Cracked will be a churning pile of steaming funk without HBN!
This is just coming from me, but the books do suck. Hard. I mean, holy S**T... And don't go saying I should read them first, cause I did, and they still made me weep for modern book readers. I don't care about the vampire discrepancies. I care about the lowering of literary standards in today's audiences. I'm not asking for Shakespeare, Homer, or Orwell. I just want something ISN'T a published, four novel fanfic.
dernit, forgot to say, that would be like me saying... Yeah, they're vampires who can totally go out in the day time b/c they're standing in the shade! YEAH!
arandomguy- people can reinvent anything they want, but from my understanding, they didn't do that in this movie... and apparently b/c it's cloudy/foggy or whatever which is just a total bullshit excuse. You want vamps to go out in the day time, great! But don't try to give some bogus reason why they can
Dude, I LOVE YOU. My girlfriend had me read the first book of Twilight, and it's a JOKE. Vampires don't freaking SPARKLE, damn it. Know why they didn't show that in the trailer? BECAUSE IT'S RETARDED. Stephanie Meyer doesn't have a single talented bone in her body.
Now I love you and all Gladstone, but that was 6 reasons, not 5
Sam, in an earlier take of this vid i did a side by side with american werewolf. also thriller after he says "my family is different than others." (i cut the movie line out of the vid too.)
not bad
What I don't understand is all the people who try to say what vampires can and can't do. I get that the "traditional" view of vampires is that they can't go out in the daytime etc etc, but this is by no means the "right" view...seriously...it's fiction. If somebody wants to reinvent the vampire, why not let them? They aren't any more right or wrong than any other author, because vampires don't exist. Maybe some people are sick of all that overdone crap by now and want something a little more interesting.
Also, if his skin is pale, ice cold, and he doesn't go into the sunlight, he could just be any average Cracked reader
"Carry on my wayward soOoOon!" Oh I beg to differ, sir; I believe nothing mixes better than vampires and 1970's progressive rock.
The part with the deer reminded me of "An American Werewolf in London." Besides, vampires aren't very evil: they pull you into a cool club where you never die!
My fiancee is making me read these books...and I do mean making me by withholding, so I am on the last one. Holy crap do they suck. I wanna go and stake all those whiny vampires and that stupid girl and then shit in their mouths. I read alot, and other then Ayn Rand, I don't think I have read a book written worse then these.
very nice video ^_^ loved the part about the music. i think all the complainers need to actually go and read the book. I for one will be there at the midnight showing.
"You don't see Vampires and 1970s progressive rock" I loved that line....but then the Flower Kings did 'A Vimpire's Veiw'... either way, love the props to Kansis and Dracula!
I find it *hilarious* beyond belief that 'Shollia' said that the person who wrote this obviously didn't learn much in school since the vampires can go out in daylight....I agree... I dunno about you guys but I still keep *all* my notes from the Vampires chapter in my Biology class!
These reasons are all well and good, but... do we even /need/ 5 reasons to hate the Twilight movie? How about just one: It's a movie... based on Twilight.
Great. Just what we need. Another whiney, sissy emo vampire movie. That's one reason why I like "30 Days of Night" - it made vampires scary & nasty again. Oh well, as long as there's preteen girls, there'll be sissy vampire movies.
ok, I read the series and they say that they can't go into direct sunlight because they are all sorts of sparkly. You should read the book and you would understand the movie.
The whole book reads like fanfiction written by a random 16 year old girl. Also, the vampires 'sparkle' when going out in daylight. Quite literally. I believe that's enough reason to hate/avoid the movie like the plague.
My sister has read the twilight series. I talked it over with her and, even though I hadn't read it, we both reached the conclusion that it is retarded. Especially when my fears were validated of how this chick is infatuated with the vampire (which I thought just screams "unhealthy relationship") for no goddamn reason!
what's going to happen to hate by numbers?
I don't understand how these vampires can go out in the day time? Am I missing something? Yeah, so it's cloudy, but uh... it's still LIGHT outside right? I mean the sun is still up, UV just all of a sudden isn't going to go away b/c of clouds. Apparently the person who wrote this piece of shit didn't learn much in school. Haven't even read the books and I'm already sick to death of this. I heard from someone that did read it that the books suck.
How about an abomination of all things unholy? Where's the blood? Enough with these glamorized, sissy vampires.
I can't stand this movie simply because there are vampires that can go out in the sunlight. That bothers me. And the fact that it is very cloudy is the lamest excuse I've ever heard. So many poor guys are going to be tricked into seeing what is little more than a chick flick with some Smallville style action.
Hotmommy87, I appreciate your finely worded retort, and shall now look at myself in a new critical lens
No matter how bad you think it is, once you've read, you find out it's worse.
Oh god. Twilight is one of the most horrible pieces of crap I've ever read. Just search up Twilight on badfic_quotes over at LJ. It makes so much sense. And I weep for the girls that actually read it and think that its literature. ~t
I can't remember who said it, but they said it best when they said "Hollywood has turned vampires into gay boyfriends for goth chicks". Spot on Gladstone.
bwahahahaaaaaaaa. great stuff gladstone, great fucking stuff. i already know i'm going to hate that movie, though. mostly because that's not how i pictured anything in my head while reading it. at first that upset me, but then i read the rest of the books, which got progressively more retarded than the one before and now i think i can live with this piece of crap coming out, because it just fits the pattern.
Very good, Mr. Gladstone, very good.
I love Starship Trooper, Yes is awesome. But how the hell did you even notice it? It's just a chord sequence... It's almost negligable. Also, how come you didn't rip on the fact that if they get together - after just a few years, their relationship is going to be creepy: a 25 years old with a 17 years old. And if she becomes a vampire too, then it's also going to be hell eventually. It's a lose-lose situation.
Shouldn't one of the reasons be "cause it's based on that abomination of a book series?" And people argue that literature ISN'T dead...
HEY THERE'S A HBN CONTEST. SEE THE RULES AT THE BLOG POST TO THIS VID: http://www.cracked.com/blog/twilight-looks-like-crap-or-announcing-the-hate-by-numbers-contest/
Kansas absolutely made this video keep up the good work
You make me laugh so much. I'm so glad you did Twilight. Also, Amy Winehouse? You could have stuck in a zinger about the Cracked.com readers instead.
rofl... Kansas meets Bela Lugosi? Fcking classic!
Don't leave us!
PS: TheGreenSaga is a BITCH. Thank you. That is all.
Oh god, laughed so so hard at the progressive rock... just beautiful...twilight sucks, but Kansas rocks!!!
WHY??? WHY??? Why would u bash Twilight? I'm dying for this movie to come out! I can't wait to see it....and yes. I suffer from Anne Rice withdrawl. With no Lestat to drool over anymore, isn't okay to get a little hot over a guy who's physically years younger than me but technically hundreds of years older? IT'S OKAY!!!
c,mon chad don,t leave btw good job
is gladstone leaving???
Two episodes left? What the fuck!
carry on my wayward soonnn.... amazing!
Only 2 Episodes left. First it was Lex, now it's going to be Gladstone.
DONT LEAVE US GLADSTONE
...I started laughing so hard at that vampire/progressive 70's rock thing that I very nearly got yelled at in the middle of school. Thank you.
Loved loved loeved the book/series, hate the movie. Horrible remake of something so wonderful, in my opinion.
Third!
Brilliant. Cheers Gladstone.
Fantastic. That movie/book looks horrible; I'd rather see that Swedish vampire film that opened a few weeks ago. Also, this comment is here so no one does their stupid, pathetic "First!" bullshit. You can thank me later
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