Do You Have What It Takes to Title Porn?

The many talents of Michael Swaim. :p

10/19/2009 07:25:00 PM

Themias

To fill a mockingbird, I was pretty much on the ground with that one.

08/01/2009 11:31:00 PM

lanoweffect

Think that chick is hot? SWAIM is hot! I'm sorry, can't help myself.

04/27/2009 03:44:00 PM

Lorzor

Cream from Your Mother The Audacity of Ho

12/08/2008 09:00:00 AM

eamonn33

She was in Prom Queen.

11/21/2008 03:14:00 PM

frozen_banana

funny

11/19/2008 06:11:00 PM

LexTaliones

Dammit, that "we can't think of a porn title for The Pianist" joke is from an SNL sketch that one time Adrien Brody hosted. Nerd rage!

11/18/2008 08:39:00 PM

Candybeans

yeah ok whatevr

11/17/2008 11:21:00 PM

BicyclesRule

god, this website is so much better than ebaums hahaha I'm currently workin on the sequel to indiana bones and the temple of poon....indiana bones rapers of the lost cock?

11/15/2008 01:49:00 PM

ronballs

The woman in this is hot

11/14/2008 05:14:00 PM

cpt

The Ball Tease Falcon was definitely the best.

11/14/2008 06:56:00 AM

Cuindless

The porn titles could be better, although the "Ball-tease Falcon" was hilarious.

11/13/2008 09:06:00 PM

Parsat

What about Drill Bill, The Ass Menagerie, and Drive This Miss Daisy?

11/13/2008 07:36:00 PM

frito

Oh, and I submit "Return of the Jizz-Eye" for a title.

11/13/2008 05:50:00 PM

gnarlyhotep

Wait a minute...I clicked on "Show Profanity", and NO PROFANITY APPEARED. Your system is flawed, my friend.

11/13/2008 05:49:00 PM

gnarlyhotep

look what I can do! c========3 or some such nonsense

11/13/2008 04:54:00 PM

Ice9

Heeheeheehee

11/13/2008 04:42:00 PM

youllforgetit

Another case of "the premise was actually funnier than the video"... but not that bad. Didn't make me laugh, but there was good humor.

11/13/2008 04:27:00 PM

PsyberKayos

Star Wars should have been Tatpoonine

11/13/2008 01:28:00 PM

gmoney8

O_o You're not going bald. Geez, Swaim, who gave you that idea? Anyway, this was pretty good.

11/13/2008 09:57:00 AM

Tartra

I agree with the mighty jogiff; the ? should have been an interrobang.

11/13/2008 09:21:00 AM

kingmonkey

I agree that some of the titles were very cliche, even though it was funny as hell. Did no one come with classics like "28 Dicks Later" or Requiem for a Cream"?

11/13/2008 12:53:00 AM

WheelOfSun

that chick was fucking hot

11/13/2008 12:16:00 AM

thejackyl

And a blazing return performance from Those Aren't Muskets!

11/12/2008 11:55:00 PM

firesteak

And I love him..but fuck Glendoor..

11/12/2008 10:47:00 PM

josie

Michael..why do you all of a sudden think you are going bald? Weird after all this craziness you would listen to cyber opinion. Ugh..no way you are bald. (insert funny joke) We chicks dig you. That has to be something..right?

11/12/2008 10:44:00 PM

josie

Yeah, DO people really think I'm going bald? I mean besides Glendoor.

11/12/2008 10:18:00 PM

MichaelSwaim

stashew? More like SCREWyou. Nailed it. 100%. Comment assassin.

11/12/2008 08:51:00 PM

Goody

I don't know I just feel like this whole idea is based around these guys listing "funny" porn titles then they realized they needed a premise in order to make it into a sketch. Also the names they came up with were pretty run of the mill. I could see them coming down the street with the exception of a few of course. Just really formulaic overall.

11/12/2008 08:47:00 PM

Stashew

Much Funniness.

11/12/2008 08:25:00 PM

Herbie

Done..I agree. I don't know about your kid..but I see the connection..

11/12/2008 07:53:00 PM

josie

Actually, if anyone cares (besides me), Swaim was my first love on Cracked. It was the parent/teacher Valentine's conference video that did it. (My son knows tits!) My ridiculous and pointless crushes on the other Cracked bloggers developed over time. What can I say? Comedy turns me on. Do people really think Swaim's going bald?

11/12/2008 07:28:00 PM

greengoddess

I've never seen a green exit sign before.

11/12/2008 07:19:00 PM

DeusEx

I was sure it'd be "interrobang." That's the one that looks like this: =

11/12/2008 06:44:00 PM

jogiff

Lol. Its a good thing adults wrote this. you know, mature...people. you wouldn't just want some kids to make cheap jokes about porn movie names. That's how fifth grade went.

11/12/2008 04:47:00 PM

BackInTime

Worth the wait :D You did good, Cappy! Aaaaand: Little Shop of Whores The Wizard of Cock Cool Handjob Luke

11/12/2008 04:21:00 PM

Plaidrabbit

Sure you can..it's a drippy dick, symbolizing ball-sweat.

11/12/2008 04:20:00 PM

josie

The movie "?" should've been "¿?". Y'know, like they're 69ing each other. You can't type what that guy came up with.

11/12/2008 03:26:00 PM

stansimpson

indiana jones and the temple of poon is a porno from the comedy 40 days and 40 nights

11/12/2008 03:14:00 PM

yesyes23

Wait wait! I have one.. Steel Magnolias.

11/12/2008 03:05:00 PM

josie

Fucking genius as usual. Michael Swaim, be my bride.

11/12/2008 02:57:00 PM

Peace Frog

Who was the star of The Hand That Cradles the Cock?

11/12/2008 02:55:00 PM

TheAntiAssClown

Poor Swaim's sexual exploitation is causing him to lose his hair.

11/12/2008 02:54:00 PM

dontbugme3

Glen & Garry Bone Ross

11/12/2008 02:50:00 PM

eamonn33

Dan, I refuse to believe that what you had me do that night is called "closing."

11/12/2008 02:45:00 PM

MichaelSwaim

Sugar is also for closers.

11/12/2008 02:31:00 PM

daniel.

Sugar works better.

11/12/2008 01:53:00 PM

josie

Swaim, I don't know what would give you the idea that I'm gonna stop sanding your gas tank, but let me be the first to say, I will not. Sandless gas-tanks are for closers.

11/12/2008 01:21:00 PM

daniel.

Was that a scene from Goodwill Humping?

11/12/2008 01:05:00 PM

Onodera

Cool vid, was the end supposed to be ironic?

11/12/2008 12:10:00 PM

MichaelFurlong

Yeah, typos.

11/12/2008 12:03:00 PM

josie

Michael..may I suggest following in the footsteps of the great Jon Cheese? His shirtless blogging is legendary in the forums and through his powerful presence he even persuaded others to grab a video cam and do the same. Just a thought..by one of you HAS to start it.

11/12/2008 12:01:00 PM

josie

So, thinking about porn eventually leads to suicide, huh? Great, just great... when can I start?

11/12/2008 11:44:00 AM

bydonn

I MADE THE LIST! Now the other bloggers won't put sand in my gas tank anymore.

11/12/2008 11:42:00 AM

MichaelSwaim

CITIZEN CAME

11/12/2008 11:31:00 AM

lasttattle

OK, Swaim, I'm just gonna put you down here on my "shirtless blogging" list with DOB and Gladstone. No need to thank me. You are a hot nerd, and you make me think naughty things.

11/12/2008 11:10:00 AM

greengoddess

I love you guys.

11/12/2008 11:05:00 AM

ScionoftheFlames

Gee, Mr. Swaim...you're so very, er, talented.

11/12/2008 10:50:00 AM

josie

At the beginning, I recommend "The Sextricks" instead of "The Sex Matrix".

11/12/2008 10:46:00 AM

Shancey

Wasn't that girl in "Romancing The Bone?"

11/12/2008 10:38:00 AM

Saul Goode

This video includes all the reasons I would marry Michael Swaim.

11/12/2008 10:32:00 AM

Meg22

"There will be blood...oof." Great, now I can't find my pants

11/12/2008 10:05:00 AM

Goody

Haha brilliant, as always.

11/12/2008 09:52:00 AM

Larwick

That was awesome.

11/12/2008 09:45:00 AM

Infinitiy Land

relay funny i enjoyed it

11/12/2008 09:36:00 AM

xolta

SWAIM! Interesting concept, lots of decent, quick jokes, and a reference to the best movie ever (Yojimbo.) I like.

11/12/2008 09:27:00 AM

AtxAxLoss

Oh! Not forgetting... Creampie School Musical!

11/12/2008 09:11:00 AM

shadowfacts

Sex and the Clitty? The Loin King?

11/12/2008 09:08:00 AM

shadowfacts

Now that was a sharp video. Those Aren't Muskets did good. Incidentally, I thought that the girl was cute.

11/12/2008 09:08:00 AM

matt_t_r

Those were some interesting names. . .great vid.

11/12/2008 08:57:00 AM

lostprophet94

Fantastic, best video I've seen for months, but ending was a little obvious.

11/12/2008 07:39:00 AM

Clara

Awesome.

11/12/2008 07:06:00 AM

Senor_Taco

Brilliant!

11/12/2008 06:42:00 AM

Sir_Cocksmith

Love it--I want this job...

11/12/2008 06:36:00 AM

12pack

Clever... very clever. The ending was a bit anti-climactic, though... it all peaked a little early. :P

11/12/2008 05:47:00 AM

Rebear

It's half past eleven p.m. here (in Brisbane). [Mandatory comment from video] Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn!

11/12/2008 05:34:00 AM

a_knobbie

fucking awesome we need more those aren't muskets they always kick ass sexplosion

11/12/2008 05:32:00 AM

superhombre

He should have made the question mark the silhouette of a girl bending over, and drawn another girl licking out her asshole. It would have allowed you to keep the question mark intact, making it a more recognizable parody. Call me when you need a pro.

11/12/2008 05:31:00 AM

RedSalesperson

What time zone is cracked in? Its 9am where I am (nyc)

11/12/2008 05:09:00 AM

fr0_mistre55

Daaayyyymm!! Best in a while, I love you Swaim

11/12/2008 05:09:00 AM

fr0_mistre55