Worst Hate by Numbers Ever

@giggity - .....for now.

09/14/2009 08:58:00 AM

Mierdin

Giggity - what month are you living in?

08/01/2009 10:25:00 AM

RaistliniltsiaR

I am so relieved HBN is done... forever.

07/28/2009 08:48:00 PM

giggity

Interstella, I totally agree about the sandwich thing. Anytime, really.

06/04/2009 09:13:00 PM

RammsteinFoSho

i want to know what the ending song is that's on hate by numbers. i know that guy singing, i do, from my childhood, i think. if i don't, then it's close enough that i'm comforted by it.

05/17/2009 10:28:00 PM

sassafrass

That was really unfunny... but Gladstone and Swaim can still make a sandwich of me anytime they want.

02/09/2009 10:55:00 AM

interstella

"Well, for one thing I'm guessing . . . lead?" Hahaaaa, that made me laugh. For the record, I love Gladstone's sense of humour. And delivery of lines. Man I miss Hate By Numbers.

02/02/2009 03:06:00 PM

Shrimp

I seem to have three legs -- when I am naked.

10/20/2008 06:09:00 AM

sbate

I didn't realize until just now that I've missed J-Pappi.

10/18/2008 01:16:00 PM

greengoddess

Haha, he does look like he's saying hello, or giving a high five. Hilarious nonetheless. I'm never short of amazed by the crap that CNN comes out with.

10/17/2008 10:27:00 PM

thewanderer

Hey Gladstone, suggestion for next HBN: Brittney Spears new music video. Good chance she doesn't know what the term womanizer means. think ironic.

10/16/2008 10:41:00 PM

mburke43

nope adam Lesterthemoe is not me

10/16/2008 05:17:00 PM

minivanmonkey

swaim is a stone cold fox that is all

10/16/2008 04:09:00 PM

bloop

Well...Good job for trying, I would've just given up by then. xD Still managed to make it funny anyway!

10/15/2008 10:54:00 PM

ScoobityDoo

Gladstone, I want you so bad, it's like wanting something you can't ever have.....

10/15/2008 10:10:00 PM

thalliadruid

Y'know, I kind of feel bad for Gladstone. I may throw a party and invite Gladstone, just so he can turn down the invite, and feel better about himself. Sigma - they have to watch, to make sure it's still terrible. And then they have to comment, so that we all know how brilliant and superior they are.

10/15/2008 09:31:00 PM

tcbg

For all of you constantly dissapointed with HBN, why are you still watching week after week? Just to post some 'witty' comment?

10/15/2008 12:26:00 PM

Sigma

Strange. I only found out what anthropomorphic meant only today, on the Wikipedia page for Get Fuzzy. What are the odds?

10/15/2008 08:31:00 AM

Via-Sol

Hahahaha, it looks like it's saying hello.

10/15/2008 04:18:00 AM

Arnor

I liked the other avatar (way cuter)..why heavy metal..ever..as for you sassing me..that's the best? Shut up? ooh..I'm nuts now. Glad to see you are not a child. Kill anyone today?

10/15/2008 12:02:00 AM

josie

Good toad, Gladstone; I'll compliment you on that. Josie, shut the fuck up. Starberry, if that's you in your pic I'd like to jizz on your face. Does that cover a comeback from a two week absence?

10/14/2008 10:58:00 PM

J-pappi

This is what I'm sorta saying. Forget explaining..the boys ain't never gonna see it. It was funny. Period.

10/14/2008 05:27:00 PM

josie

ZOMG, Adam 44, you realized that I was "joking" about being left out of a party? And you realized that the humor this week was suppose to come from self-parody and cameos and all the stuff around the clip, but not the clip? Apparently, you are a genius. You should probably keep your insight to yourself before you're burned as a witch.

10/14/2008 05:13:00 PM

G-Stone

I've gotta say, Gstone - joking about being left out of Cracked blogger furry parties (orgies) - and being sad about that - just may be funnier than anything else you could have done this week. Also, nothing increases Swaimliness like the presence of genuine Swaim, so good call there. And thank you for feeding my fantasies that the other bloggers actually hang out with each other. Though when I imagine it, Bucholtz is usually there setting fire to something.

10/14/2008 05:08:00 PM

Adam44

Thanks tshp..infinitely sweet. But the appropriate reaction to a baby on a ledge is panic. (Why do I attract all the crazies?)

10/14/2008 03:26:00 PM

josie

this was kinda of painful kind of funny, like when a baby is climbing out of a window sill and you really want to stop it, but you just can't stop laughing?.... Good to see Josie in the comments.

10/14/2008 01:34:00 PM

tshp

so, Gladstone, I have to know: I saw it in the presidential debates, and I saw it here. Do the other Cracked.com employee's hate you?

10/14/2008 01:29:00 PM

Firecrotch

Gladstone, I do enjoy your bits, but...... There really is a parasite that forces toads to grow extra legs. It's life cycle includes living in the internal systems of storks or herons or one of those bird that prey on toads, so- the parasite's larva attach to the tadpoles and as the toads develop, they really do develop extra limbs. This deformity allows the herons to catch the toads easier, which allows the parasite to travel through the heron, and complete the cycle. Sorry, I had to point it out like a douchbag.

10/14/2008 11:01:00 AM

baerrus

serious poison... it was a total buzzkill too, because when i heard you were doing a hate by numbers on a toad, i thought you were finally doing one on yourself... admit it gladstone, it would be a lot better than the shit ones you keep putting up on here.

10/14/2008 10:46:00 AM

thunderdome

So much hate in these posts... I like Gladstone! And Swaim! (Is that allowed?)

10/14/2008 09:46:00 AM

jonnyt

I'm still trying to understand that guy's username... I'm guessing the rest of "LestertheMoaningDouche" didn't quite fit.

10/14/2008 09:32:00 AM

TheDarkFlame

What is the song that is playing in the background when the other guy comes on?

10/14/2008 08:45:00 AM

AW_Smith

Swaim's making movies, Gladstone. SWAIM'S MAKING MOVIES. You have to stop him! He's totally trying to muscle you out of the series throne!

10/14/2008 07:56:00 AM

Tartra

I actually liked it. Gladstone, you are growing on me like some kind of fungis that becomes less and less offensive every day. Keep up the good work. P.S. Lesterthemoe are you really minivanmonkey? or is it Evan. Either way until you get your own job at cracked, lay off gladdstone.

10/14/2008 07:14:00 AM

FishBulb

Yeah..just went and read the comments (here)..how can you take so much negativity? Sense of humor..right? Yikes..I'm absolutely weak..I couldn't handle it.

10/14/2008 02:22:00 AM

josie

Wow..Swaim's a kid, huh? Hi GStone..it's your crazy nutty fan jo. Loved it..gripping title (how could it be bad let alone the worst?), it wasn't filled with the economy, Palin, or even an update on how Nancy Grace is still on the same story. National Geographic meets Wayne Gladstone, etal. I laughed the whole way through..Irony? Perhaps your forte? (I hate throwing that word out there..I'm always afraid I'll misuse it - irony -)I hope you get my gist..

10/14/2008 01:55:00 AM

josie

That toad is awesome. I want one.

10/14/2008 01:38:00 AM

Sabre_Justice

Heres an idea. If you don't like Gladstone, don't watch the show. Moron.

10/13/2008 11:41:00 PM

Starbite

god i hate you gladstone.

10/13/2008 11:39:00 PM

LestertheMo

Gladstone, you need to start commenting on these douchebags on CNBC. These days it's easier to laugh than cry. Besides there's some guy on here yammering about toilets in Paris with a French accent. My god there has to be a joke in there somewhere.

10/13/2008 10:40:00 PM

rax262

Look at me! I'm a raving commenter hating on gladstone thinking that my opinion has any real value within the thought processes of the cracked.com headquarters. Also, Gladstone, your're almost as good looking as me. Almost.

10/13/2008 10:05:00 PM

a_penis

dont worry gladstone, we still love you. i mean, not me, because im a guy. but, you know... it was cool seeing swaim in the flesh, at least. :D

10/13/2008 09:42:00 PM

ChicoStarr48

i want the week in douchebaggery back...

10/13/2008 09:27:00 PM

Anarschism

It's okay, Gladstone. I don't really have a clever comment to give you. Instead, I send you a nod of understanding and luck for a better clip next week. But, you know. Toads. Five legs. Those are kind of cool, so good job getting that one, at least.

10/13/2008 07:15:00 PM

Tartra

Anyone else hoping he says, "...and that's Hate By Numbers for good. For ever." And then Cracked call Barats and Beretta and we get to see some funny shit in this spot now and again... Ah to dream...

10/13/2008 06:58:00 PM

echocharlie

I loved it when your eleventh finger popped up.

10/13/2008 06:50:00 PM

mweebles

Gladstone. You do not need advice from Michael Swaim. Please don't do that to me again, I avoid his articles like a plague of cane toads. Well if you do, put a warning at the start or something, like they do in movies where they're about to make you sick. Loved the counting off sentence too..so... Do. Not. Put. Him. In. It. Again. :)

10/13/2008 06:42:00 PM

Starbite

Bring Swaim back for more videos.

10/13/2008 06:30:00 PM

Impure

why he keep the mutated toad in his sink?

10/13/2008 06:01:00 PM

jarl

For some reason, this one reminded me of Happy Days when Mork was on.

10/13/2008 05:46:00 PM

JohnTCapp

Yea. Never again. Thanks.

10/13/2008 05:03:00 PM

AtxAxLoss

Yes Happy_Chair. Swaim (aka comedy god beta) is on "those aren't muskets."

10/13/2008 04:40:00 PM

Bionic_Colsen

Damn Gladstone--you could have said something about how the toad looked like it was flipping us off.

10/13/2008 04:23:00 PM

urbpan

No, Happy_Chair, it's not. It's actually that guys twin brother. When in the womb, a parasite attached to the forehead and caused an entire other uper torso to grow before the body realized it was being a moron. The guy who was on camera actually only exists from the mid-thigh up, and moves around on a motorized hover device like Yoda and that evil guy from Men In Black II.

10/13/2008 04:19:00 PM

Wren

http://www.ihatemisty.com?id=kbu5qtcpr5ncu3abrpmaadvmu8t6sb

10/13/2008 04:11:00 PM

notabotiswear

Your material MAY be good on it's own (BIG maybe), but you definitely lack the skills to comedicaly portray your script. It's alright. Not many people do. My only hope is that you one day walk outside your sheltered existense on Cracked.com and get this news before you dedicated too much of your life to this endeavor.

10/13/2008 04:04:00 PM

noxcovenant

i for one thought it was better than baked chicken with lemon.

10/13/2008 03:31:00 PM

chaos9001

indeed the worst hate by numbers ever..jeez boring/

10/13/2008 03:21:00 PM

Otaku

Is that the guy fro "thoose arent muskets?

10/13/2008 03:10:00 PM

happy_chair

I like hearing about Gladstone being ostracized by the rest of the bloggers. Nothing personal, my man, it's just funny.

10/13/2008 02:40:00 PM

j mcfarl3

See THAT was the kind of comment I was expecting. Moronic, in the typical way. Thanks Eamon. BTW, I'm pretty sure Lex woudln't agree with you that his show started sucking and then got canceled. But you know best. Rock on!

10/13/2008 02:26:00 PM

G-Stone

Swaim saved this one, almost. Still sucks, like all HBN. This is a sign that HBN is going down the crapper; Lex was kicked when his show started to suffer, but I bet Lex has some really good ideas by now; Gladstone, if you have any sense of decency, you need to let Lex do an episode of his show or an episode of your show (I'm sure he could do it better than you). Much

10/13/2008 02:11:00 PM

EamonQuinn

i liked it, but seriously thats news? theres 5 legged shit everywhere... i assume

10/13/2008 01:55:00 PM

starberry

Consider pointless tirades about 5legeged toads are like standard HBM affair, Glandstone you can't do any worse than you already have.

10/13/2008 01:51:00 PM

TheAntiAssClown

Anthropomorphic is a really big word. I am impressed. Also, If you knew me beter, I'd invite you to my parties. WE could spend the entire time being smarter than all my other friends.

10/13/2008 01:40:00 PM

purplestar

Teenage Mutant Ninja Toad?

10/13/2008 01:38:00 PM

Green Peace

Don't be downhearted, Gladstone, that was the finest comedy sequence based on a five legged toad that I have ever seen. Oddly, googling for 'comedy sequence based on five legged toad' doesn't show you in the few pages i looked through before i got bored.

10/13/2008 01:35:00 PM

zmoll

Gladstone is just so damn likeable. Even the "worst" HBN is still great.

10/13/2008 01:30:00 PM

Geans

What I got from this is that if I want real comedy I should watch CNN instead.

10/13/2008 01:19:00 PM

Spindle_

That's okay, Gladstone, they can't all be winners. I'd argue that there are plenty of things out there worthy of numerically organized hate, but you made this one funny, so we'll go with it.

10/13/2008 01:09:00 PM

SickBoy

Pieisgood, it definately tells you how many comments there already are. See it's right there above your comment. Incidently: 48th!

10/13/2008 12:44:00 PM

123bamf

How kafkaesque.....wait..no..no its not..my bad

10/13/2008 12:43:00 PM

deaved_wrath

wait wait wait... Mark, you actually COUNTED all of the comments up till yours then posted the number, under the false thought that people would find it even romotly funny? kudos, dude.

10/13/2008 12:29:00 PM

Pieisgoood

45th!

10/13/2008 12:21:00 PM

Mark

Always good, Gladstone.

10/13/2008 12:12:00 PM

Aes

I thought the "counting words on my fingers" gag was pretty good, but the rest was typical Gladstone trying to be funny and just coming across as a smug prick.

10/13/2008 12:07:00 PM

willard3

Great job, Gladstone another understatement to the lack of real news in the world.

10/13/2008 11:51:00 AM

Jmx70inNJ

I hate haters, but I love mutants. Of course a good background key is always appreciated !

10/13/2008 11:46:00 AM

nileslesh

I know what I like and so far I've liked all of them. Fuck the haters.

10/13/2008 11:36:00 AM

Jenna_Tullwortz

You have no comedic timing whatsoever. Ever consider auditioning for "Corner Gas" -> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbjUsghfT-o&feature=user Your basically like that video, except even less funny.

10/13/2008 11:25:00 AM

noxcovenant

Oh my Lord. KYTV is my local news channel. I don't remember them doing this story; I can't believe it got picked up on CNN. On another note, there is actually a town around here called Leadmine, Missouri. It's a wonder I haven't grown a 5th appendage as well.

10/13/2008 11:21:00 AM

sweet_garbonzo

Definitely my favourite HBN. I always enjoy the little forays into the Cracked universe. What fun.

10/13/2008 10:53:00 AM

Fiendish

FUCK YOU AND DIE GLADSTONE NOT FUNNY

10/13/2008 10:50:00 AM

Ian_esq

Hey, it DOES look like it's saying hi!

10/13/2008 10:40:00 AM

cchaos

Awsome. One of the funniest.

10/13/2008 10:21:00 AM

Infinitiy Land

Could someone please tell me what the song is on the opening and closing credits?

10/13/2008 10:21:00 AM

Kyleofsalford

HBN has always tanked in the comments of DIGG, but only in the comments. If you do the math between the comments and the diggs i usually shoot at 90% approval on DIGG. Besides, 2 people accused me of attacking DIGG and one dude didn't realize i was being sarcastic when i criticized the parasite theory.

10/13/2008 10:19:00 AM

G-Stone

Oh and HOLY SHIT they really hate you on digg.. What did you do to piss those guys off, gladdy?

10/13/2008 09:52:00 AM

TheDirtball

Not too shabby.. but seriously.. WTF is going on at Swaim's house? Russian hat, bowtie, rave lights... someone get a hold of some good X?

10/13/2008 09:49:00 AM

TheDirtball

Don't stress, Gladstone. You did what you could with a 5-legged toad. I liked the crossover, you guys should do more of those in the future.

10/13/2008 09:18:00 AM

bigmike53916

You're pushing boundaries here, this video has a lot of understated glory. The ending is perfect, with the music cue and everything. Very depressing. And you bring a lot of tension to the surface in your videos. You're like the internet comedy equivalent of John Cale. I feel changed after watching this video. Nicely done, keep them coming.

10/13/2008 08:53:00 AM

Black-Velvet

Hahaha, I loved it. Always a good Monday with you, G-stone!

10/13/2008 08:47:00 AM

ManifestBestiny

Aw. This was sad! I can't believe they wouldn't invite you. But this HBN was cute; I love seeing the writers interact. Good call, Gladstone!

10/13/2008 08:44:00 AM

Rebear

No worries Gladdy, you still have all our love.

10/13/2008 08:41:00 AM

Chary

just as good as the others

10/13/2008 08:38:00 AM

xolta

My gawd... The toad part was good (firecrackers for the frog, survey says), but the cameo(s?) killed me! "Dammit, Dan, she's not even conscious.."

10/13/2008 08:28:00 AM

Chojinra

I liked it! Don't listen to them Gladstone, your're a stah, dahling! A big stah!

10/13/2008 08:01:00 AM

Plaidrabbit

GLADDY BABY I LOVE YOU ANYWAY

10/13/2008 07:55:00 AM

tank

You still have my love Gladstone. Always and forever.

10/13/2008 07:38:00 AM

MoonMilk

It will teach the children that it's fun to use a scalpel on a five-legged toad.

10/13/2008 07:30:00 AM

FadingMind

I like it Not bad It's sad not too many people can understand the essence behind HBN.

10/13/2008 07:18:00 AM

out_slide

Funny! And I KNEW Swaim would be hot. ;-)

10/13/2008 07:17:00 AM

AnyaP

It's all right Gladstone. I liked it. Have a cookie.

10/13/2008 07:16:00 AM

Rufa

No somekindarobot, you can't have my job. Because you don't understand sarcasm. I didn't ACTUALLY think it was a bad theory. I know it's hard to tell because I said the opposite of that, but that's kind of how sarcasm works. And folks, I'm trusting some of you realized I actually like this video. That I didn't try to make a conventional HBN and fail. Instead, I tried to make a video making fun of myself for the inability to make a conventional HBN. Damn. OK. Next week, 4 minutes of straight farting.

10/13/2008 07:10:00 AM

G-Stone

Meh. Not good. Not bad. Not to funny. Ain't your best but always next week.

10/13/2008 07:03:00 AM

articdragone

Actually, Gladstone, the parasite theory for extra limbs in amphibians is a valid one (see the article 5 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Apocalypse Could Actually Happen for even weirder shit parasites can do), and more reasonable than, oh say, lead runoff which would just stunt it. Perhaps a little research before you make these videos? P.S. How about this for a joke? "I guess the toad will teach the kids that deformed people are beautiful on the inside, as long as their deformities resemble friendly gestures." Hmm...can I have your job?

10/13/2008 07:02:00 AM

SomeKindaRobot

Why isn't anybody thinking of the children!? There's lead in their ground! They could eat a rock and die! I guess Darwin might be right.

10/13/2008 07:02:00 AM

Onodera

I like Gladstone's throwaway stuff the best. "I'm guessing... lead?"

10/13/2008 06:42:00 AM

gormster

This was actually funnier than most of the Hate By Numbers. Which just means they generally all suck.

10/13/2008 06:11:00 AM

Pickles

Not that bad, granted as I have said before I am pretty easily amused, ceiling fans to me can be funny in certain situations so my opinion isn't really saying much. It did get progressively worse though. The beginning was hilarious, and don't get me wrong Swaim and the entire TAM bunch are awesome, but the jokes could have been better.

10/13/2008 06:10:00 AM