CNN Gets Waaay Too Excited About Dakota Fanning 'Sex'

I love how CNN is just so willing to go screaming into pedophilia. But skipping this, they forgot to mention one thing: nobody involved in Sex and the City even remotely looks attractive. Seriously, look at the photos. The lighting does them no favors, and the woman who this is supposedly based on looks like fucking Gonzo. No wonder these women went through so many men. The show should be called Butterfaced Cum Dumpsters.

09/12/2009 08:20:00 AM

Zbu

Best hate by numbers I've watched so far. And probably the creepiest.

08/14/2009 07:07:00 AM

Azshade

Made me laugh out loud... one of the best ones!

08/01/2009 10:20:00 AM

RaistliniltsiaR

the first line he says was just so damn spot on

07/08/2009 07:47:00 PM

purple9haze6

Sounds like nathan8287b has to introduce himself to his neighbors ...

04/11/2009 05:34:00 PM

LittleDeadGirl

Wiki says Emma Watson was born April 15, 1990, so therefore (as she's English) she has technically been legal for nearly 3 years! Age of consent is 16 here and in a lot of US states, as I found out recently. And I would totally hit that! April 15th 2006, many, MANY men in the UK let out a huge sigh of relief! :D

01/14/2009 08:08:00 AM

Darkmage

(English) Paedophile: A sexual attraction to a pre-pubescent person. (American) pedophile: Anyone who expresses even mild interest, admits to or mentions in passing the sexual attraction of a girl who may or may not be close to the age of consent, looks young or was sorta young once. 16 is the average age of consent in most places in the world - having sex with someone that age - or marginally younger - does not make you paedophile, nor does it if you think about it. Call it what you will, but Paedophilia it 'aint. Not a very funny HBN. Sounds like someone trying to create scandal where there is none.

01/13/2009 02:34:00 PM

nathan8287b

CNN: The only douchebags who have no qualms hiring pedophiles as consultants.

11/19/2008 06:00:00 PM

frewupinmamouf

Ha a Sex and the City Prequel are we being Fucking serious.....Keep it Rude....I like that guy in the videos Rude Attitude....

10/29/2008 07:50:00 PM

RudeDude42

I hate to tell you this, Dakota Fanning is only 14 and she will NOT being in 'sex and the city' so you are wrong about that. She is very busy with more new movies coming up and tough for that. Also, There is no 'rape scene' in Hounddog you stupid fool! I have seen it at Sundance and the movie is clean and legal so shut up and get life.

10/23/2008 01:40:00 PM

deathmagnetic

This post has a crapload of diggs. Thaz crazy. So are ugly cars - FuglyRides.com

10/14/2008 05:06:00 PM

FuglyRides

Thats like a new form of cancer....featuring leprosy hahahah

10/13/2008 05:47:00 PM

juicymale

this is by far my favorite hbn

10/12/2008 01:37:00 AM

audioasphyxia

if this ever comes to be, i will forbid my six year old sister to even think about it.

10/11/2008 08:59:00 AM

willyhassertt

vanessa hudgens is 20 now? shotty.

10/10/2008 09:12:00 AM

T.C.

The prequel will not be like the movie/show at all...it is when Carrie was in high school...but I do have to agree that CNN is full of creepy fucking assholes...One of the best HBNs for sure!

10/09/2008 08:32:00 PM

pasquinade3

is this real?!?!?! They're picking all of the iniscent disney stars! Cough

10/09/2008 05:33:00 PM

Jezuzfreak40

That was waaay too awesome to exist on the internet. Kudos.

10/09/2008 11:33:00 AM

youllforgetit

Hey, it didn't suck! You're no longer competing with White Ninja! Speaking of which, who names a comic after a horrible, comically bad movie? Someone hoping to catch that same essence in their own art? I can only guess as to the motive. -Art

10/09/2008 02:45:00 AM

ArthurSpeakman

Sex and the City doesn't need a prequel! It didn't even need a first movie! What the fuck? And even if we are considering it, can we at least think of girls who are at least in their 20s and have been for more than a year for the movie that has the word 'sex' right in the fucking title?! Dakota Fanning? Fuck off with your Dakota Fanning sex movie, you fiends! ...sorry.

10/08/2008 09:57:00 PM

SickBoy

the guy with the glasses is really pedophile-looking. i'd feel very uncomfortable seeing him at a park.

10/08/2008 05:14:00 PM

hellblade

Best one yet i think

10/08/2008 12:34:00 PM

emarsh1

The Jonas brothers thing made me almost choke

10/08/2008 12:34:00 PM

emarsh1

did anyone notice that Samantha is wite and Vannesa Hudgens is hispanic(or something)?

10/08/2008 10:35:00 AM

starberry

I just sprayed coke on my library floor. Instead of doing an essay. Bravo Gladstone. Bravo.

10/07/2008 10:01:00 PM

CamboD

Don't worry Gladstone, everyone knows every guy has watched SATC atleast once.

10/07/2008 06:57:00 PM

glaceau

Yeah, I think that may have been the best HBN. Even better than the one with the little kids in I realize that made me sound like a sex pest. Which I'm not.

10/07/2008 02:34:00 PM

electrogenic

This was my favourite HBN. And seriously, those were all TERRIBLE choices. Especially Vanessa Hudgens. She looks completely different to Samantha! Just because shes a bit of a slut irl doesn't make her perfect for Samantha.

10/07/2008 12:51:00 PM

sunrise

or should i say 2 years and 6 months. but hey who cares

10/07/2008 11:53:00 AM

CaptainTom

Emma Watson may have been legal for only 4 months in USA but thats 2 years and 4 months in UK. oh yea lol

10/07/2008 11:51:00 AM

CaptainTom

Hi Gladstone, how did you manage to remember what some chick was prattling about while you were fixing a bear and stuff? Awesome ability! Have you taken listening classes or something?

10/07/2008 11:44:00 AM

zmoll

@ Dinc Yeah, but there's a difference between saying "She's a pretty young lady" and saying "I'd hit it."

10/07/2008 11:12:00 AM

Scary_dream

So The Carrie Diaries aren't even written yet, and already their talking movies? And talking casting for these movies? That's like buying the saddle before you own the horse. Very weak Hollywood.

10/07/2008 09:48:00 AM

WhiteRaven810

Yeah...cause beauty only starts at eighteen... This man is lying to himself if he has never been attracted to a girl under eighteen... Hypocrite!

10/07/2008 09:29:00 AM

dinc

Gladstone you have done it again you made me giggle

10/07/2008 09:26:00 AM

xolta

um.... why is this on CNN?

10/07/2008 09:22:00 AM

bunni

Urgh, sex and the city, it is like the female equivelant of watching a bunch of blokes going to strip joints and talking about the women their doing. While those girls maybe "legal" they are still playing children in all their TV appearances.

10/07/2008 07:52:00 AM

MichaelFurlong

I LAUGHED. HA!

10/07/2008 07:36:00 AM

fritz316

A++ Bravo Gladstone. Best HbN yet.

10/07/2008 06:53:00 AM

scooterjb

I'm a huge fan of Sex and the City but I think that a prequel featuring anyone under 25 would suck. I don't care to see a bunch of tweens acting like grown ups. I don't care if they're "legal", they are still babies to me. I think you could have gotten a record high number of things to hate in this episode. I did. Still, you crack me up. Thanks.

10/07/2008 06:27:00 AM

purplestar

Nicely done.

10/07/2008 03:18:00 AM

jennined

Diggin' the sport coat this week. I love how noone at Showbiz Tonight thought to point out that Vanessa Hudgens is like five shades darker on the color wheel than Kim Cattrall. Are they gonna put her in white face for the part? Or are they going to work in that Michael Jackson disease?

10/07/2008 01:24:00 AM

gallowglass

the zinger was kinda funny and the part where you made fun of yourself was cool. now just do a whole hate by numbers on yourself and ill be happy.

10/07/2008 01:10:00 AM

thunderdome

You've won my heart Gladstone. The zinger alarm was exquisite.

10/07/2008 12:25:00 AM

Jukebox

i am all amazed. a funny hate by the numbers. Good job Gladsonte. i am honestly impressed. keep it up.

10/07/2008 12:02:00 AM

owlsayssouth

Another thing: Vanessa Hudgens doesn't even look like Kim Catrall! Selena Gomez!? That cabbage patch doll looking freak. I bet when Musto got home, Chris Hansen was waiting for him.

10/06/2008 10:57:00 PM

madmanduck

God what a retarded idea...people are stupid and'll buy anything. Thank you, Gladstone for sharing this with us. Now I must go and watch "Bloodsport".

10/06/2008 10:55:00 PM

madmanduck

thank you for bringing back morphine at the end gladstone. this was a good hate by numbers

10/06/2008 10:44:00 PM

jethro1863

This is unquestionably the best Hate By Numbers yet. When you said "A new form of cancer, featuring leprosy," I swear to Jeebus that I almost choked on the Sprite I was drinking. Luckily, it came out of my nose instead.

10/06/2008 10:22:00 PM

joefabian

the song is "The Night" by Morphine. Good one Gladstone. Pluck...lol!!

10/06/2008 09:13:00 PM

crazyfingers

What is that song they play at the end of Hate By Numbers?

10/06/2008 08:58:00 PM

WhiteRaven810

Great stuff, Gladstone. Personally, if I'm going to pluck something, I prefer a chicken.

10/06/2008 08:55:00 PM

mc_ezeemac

while i was fixing a car and wrestling a bear

10/06/2008 08:46:00 PM

BrakeForMoose

There were a lot of guys who saw that and thought about how much they would love to "pluck" some of those girls.

10/06/2008 08:26:00 PM

Ganon

OMG1!!!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111111111111111111111

10/06/2008 08:25:00 PM

SmartiePuff

Pluck it.

10/06/2008 08:10:00 PM

Disfigurine

Hahaha... nice one this week Gladstone. Extra kudos for the zinger.. can't wait for the "Behind the Music" on the Jonas Hoes in about 5 years when they become heroin addicts and pawn the purity rings for that next sweet bag. Oh.. and I would imagine the only thing that Musto "plucks" is his collection of Charles Nelson Reilly polyester suits or perhaps the pool boy. Anyways.. I'm drunk so I am a little off kilter but I recognize hilarity when I sees it. Keep 'em coming Gladstone.

10/06/2008 08:01:00 PM

TheDirtball

This shit is....hilarious. Period

10/06/2008 07:22:00 PM

dankwad

Very nice, Gladstone. I believe you when you say you fixed that car. I bet you fixed it real good.

10/06/2008 06:12:00 PM

lux

Hate by Numbers would be 100x better if the host wasn't so stiff and basically, bad at acting.

10/06/2008 05:40:00 PM

Hero

fuck that was funny

10/06/2008 05:37:00 PM

Andrewski

the zinger was the perfect thing added at the perfect time

10/06/2008 05:23:00 PM

RaisukeUzarachi

never apologize for a singer that awesome

10/06/2008 04:48:00 PM

AnderX

This is probably one of my favorites by Gladstone.

10/06/2008 04:05:00 PM

Dizzy Gorilla

Normally I just watch Hate by #s coz I'm bored and tired of masturbating, but this one was truley one of the best video's I have seen, very very well done Gladstone

10/06/2008 03:56:00 PM

Jodah

The Zinger part was awesome.

10/06/2008 03:52:00 PM

Kylink

Emma Watson is hot.

10/06/2008 03:29:00 PM

pailoong

Very good. I wouldn't go as far as to say it is the best HBN yet, but you're definitely doing a good job of keeping a consistent quality.

10/06/2008 03:16:00 PM

Caspian

Funniest HBN for as long as I can remember.

10/06/2008 03:12:00 PM

TychPsych

That was great! Keep it up!

10/06/2008 03:08:00 PM

Actormd

@NoDeuces: Last time I checked, Dakota fanning was 14, Miley Cyrus was 15, and Selena Gomez was 16. So, I guess you're either wrong or a pedophile.

10/06/2008 03:07:00 PM

kidcanuck

This was the best HBN ever! Don't listen to the haters, Gladstoner.

10/06/2008 02:59:00 PM

RebelRising

Excellent ending, considering that phrase was going through my head over and over anyway.

10/06/2008 02:47:00 PM

roguehobbit

... So, Dakota Fanning is Racy? so, the Gerber Baby is just sexy, right?

10/06/2008 02:43:00 PM

Firecrotch

Worst HBN ever. Bring back Lex! God damn it...

10/06/2008 02:42:00 PM

EamonQuinn

Nice zinger, though odd you know that much about them.

10/06/2008 02:33:00 PM

nirvana4u

love HBN... actually emma watson would be totally fitting for samantha, while dakota chickenface fanning really fits for miranda chickenface whatever-her-surname-is (maybe you know, gladstone?) BTW, emma watson, being british, not a slutty drunken mess, and cambridge material, is mountains above all of these girls. mmmm.... emma watson....

10/06/2008 01:50:00 PM

hellblade

Pluck you, Sex in the City creator, *pluck you.*

10/06/2008 01:46:00 PM

lizimajig

Gladstone... Why is it that "The Night" always sounds slightly more awesome when his voice crones over the end credits of Hate By Numbers; and not when played on its own? ... But don't get my wrong. That song is still so fucking amazing without it, but...

10/06/2008 01:37:00 PM

Dee

Emma Watson is legal? Good to know... Great HBN, Gladstone, I loved it!

10/06/2008 01:21:00 PM

wreck

Since I hadn't seen you on Digg I was hopeful you had killed yourself or got a girlfriend, but apparently not. Since when are comments about 18 - 20 year old starlets creepy? How old do you suppose the girls in Girls Gone Wild are? The fans of that are creepy to you to aren't they? Well...how old is that Tranny that you sword fight with at Dick's House of Fudge? You're paying for his...her...it's...tuition. I need an editor and you need writer...what do you say Gladstone, how about you and I go dutch on a help wanted classified?

10/06/2008 12:58:00 PM

NoDeuces

I can't believe this is the way I find out that Emma Watson is finally legal.

10/06/2008 12:58:00 PM

theotherpachman

Since I hadn't seen you on Digg I was hopeful you had killed yourself or got a girlfriend, but apparently not. Since when are comments about 18 - 20 year old starlets creepy? How old do you suppose the girls in Girls Gone Wild are? The fans of that are creepy to you to aren't they? Well...how old is that Tranny that sword fight with at Dick's House of Fudge? You paying for his...her...it's...tuition.

10/06/2008 12:56:00 PM

NoDeuces

pluck yeah!

10/06/2008 12:51:00 PM

minute

Dude, there was so much plucking in this one. awsome

10/06/2008 12:32:00 PM

Pieisgoood

that was plucking hillarious

10/06/2008 12:20:00 PM

garbageman05

Win dude! a lil self mocking is shows good character.

10/06/2008 12:05:00 PM

Alexicon

ugly "teens", they should explore the Barely Legal Industry:p

10/06/2008 12:03:00 PM

Otaku

Holy shit, Gladstone, you've topped yourself this time.

10/06/2008 11:25:00 AM

PercyApemann

Between Gladstone & Swaim, Cracked might just make me gay through the power of laughter. Laughing my ass of while there's a dick in it, hmmmmm . . .

10/06/2008 10:49:00 AM

Bionic_Colsen

The best yet!

10/06/2008 10:22:00 AM

ijhuhuy

Wow. just when I thought no one could be creepier than Woody Allen... Thanks CNN, Pluck Away. Good work, Gladstone. Go back to bear wrestling.

10/06/2008 10:20:00 AM

Jmx70inNJ

Better than usual, but Lex was still better.

10/06/2008 10:18:00 AM

willard3

Headline News is the retarded stepchild of the crackwhore that is CNN. I expect this caliber of reporting from them.

10/06/2008 10:12:00 AM

tank

Gladstone, I am in love with your hate. A new form of cancer featuring leprosy... I will snicker the rest of my day away.

10/06/2008 10:12:00 AM

TrapserCat

Amazing, I was just last night going through Wal-Mart and noticed all the Hannah Montana Lingerie was on sale.

10/06/2008 10:08:00 AM

sbate

Awesome Gladstone. Possibly the funniest thing you've ever done on this site.

10/06/2008 09:59:00 AM

Infinitiy Land

Don't apologize for that zinger! It was classic!

10/06/2008 09:35:00 AM

StickManJr

In regards to FartingBob, I'm pretty sure that just because Cyrus turns legal, that any sex tapes she current has don't become legal as well. Nice try though. Gladstone, loved the venn diagram joke. Well done, sir.

10/06/2008 09:29:00 AM

mburke43

You're wrestling "bears" are you: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bear_community

10/06/2008 09:20:00 AM

Mongo

Wow Gladstone... This was actually funny, nice one.

10/06/2008 09:13:00 AM

FrostyLogical

"zinger" alarm. Haha, didn't see that coming! Great video

10/06/2008 09:12:00 AM

KnowYourEnemy

good job Gladstone funny as always

10/06/2008 08:39:00 AM

xolta

In midst of a financial crisis, on the brink of a political turning point, at the end of a war-torn decade, it's totally awesome to know my focus should be on S&C prequels. Ooh! I hope they get that blonde chick from the new Willy Wonka if Dakota backs out!

10/06/2008 08:08:00 AM

Tartra

Cracked needs to stop making Miley Cyrus Jokes. She's way to old. Soon she will be legal and those hundreds of sex tapes she's not doubt made will be legal as well. Dakota Fanning though? Yea id hit that.

10/06/2008 08:05:00 AM

FartingBob

Great Hate by Numbers... but this whole prequel thing has me so upset/disgusted that it's hard to laugh between the crying. Who in their right minds thinks this is a good idea? This movie to pedophiles will be like Disneyland to... well pedophiles.

10/06/2008 07:56:00 AM

trgdr777

Those adults that sit around discussing child actors/actresses need to get a life.

10/06/2008 07:54:00 AM

Onodera

This reminds me of Hannah And Her Sisters: TV CENSOR: Child molestation is a sensitive topic with the affilliates... WOODY ALLEN: Read the papers! Half the country's doin' it! Love the video, Gladstone.

10/06/2008 07:52:00 AM

matt_t_r

I am too disgusted at the prospect of this film to laugh at the video, although it was well done. So pedophiles no longer have to hunt down seedy movie theaters that show disturbing indie films anymore. It's all going mainstream.

10/06/2008 07:27:00 AM

yoursidewalk

best one EVAR!!

10/06/2008 07:26:00 AM

supersai20

Well done Gladstone. None of this surprises me though. What do you expect from pop culture when so many high ranking politicians and leaders are secretly involved in pedophile activity and child prostitution rings?

10/06/2008 07:22:00 AM

JasonVorhees

Isn't Sex and the City a Feministic thing? I'm pretty sure casting Cyrus (read: the new Hollywood whore) is such a briiliant idea.

10/06/2008 07:20:00 AM

Green Peace

A new form of cancer... featuring leperousy -- brilliant Good one, G-nuts

10/06/2008 07:15:00 AM

Bonegina

Lmfao.

10/06/2008 07:14:00 AM

Larwick

Nice. XD Crap like this is why I don't watch news channels.

10/06/2008 07:14:00 AM

Namorgasm

best yet.

10/06/2008 07:10:00 AM

mst3kevin

G-Rock: I'd pluck you any day of the week.

10/06/2008 06:59:00 AM

Kodiak

Great one, I loved the cancer/lepracy line...

10/06/2008 06:59:00 AM

Papashah

"...a new form of cancer... featuring leprosy." You hit it hard, right out of the gate. Still love ya, Gladstone.

10/06/2008 06:59:00 AM

BillMurder

Where's Chris Hansen when you need him?

10/06/2008 06:58:00 AM

Chojinra

The beautiful thing about treasure is that it exists. It exists to be found. How beautiful it is to find treasure. Where is the treasure, that when found, leaves one eternally happy? I think we all know it exists. Some say it is inside us--inside us one and all. That would be strange. It would be so near. Then why is it so hard to find, and so difficult to attain?

10/06/2008 06:50:00 AM

LogLady

Yer getting better Gladstone... Yer getting better.

10/06/2008 06:40:00 AM

GoogleMan

as if there werent enough creepy old men who see miley cyrus as a sex idol. its girls like her that make us twenty-year-olds "too old"

10/06/2008 06:27:00 AM

maeghanjeanette

Well done sir.

10/06/2008 06:26:00 AM

rplaya28

Fuckin' awesome, I love you Gladstone

10/06/2008 06:20:00 AM

Lyonkyng

Play that 'Pluck' part enough times, at the right speed, and after a while, you start hearing "PLUG IT PLUG IT PLUG IT!!!!!1!'" Or. Maybe that's just me.

10/06/2008 06:10:00 AM