Cracked Columnists 701-800

• Hotties, Notties, and a Bunch of People With Mouths for Eyes: The Friday Nooner (EST)!
• Video Blogging: One of the Three Things I Have in Common with Queen Elizabeth II
• Let's Play: Who Had the Worst Christmas?!
• Zwarte Piet, Kid-Kicking and The Worst Tattoo Ever: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• You're Almost Definitely Reading This on an iPhone
• I Am Legend(ary at begging to be misquoted)
• The Week in Whales! (Next Week: The Week in Wales!)
• Celebrity Quotes Quiz
• Virtual Reality, Wiimotes and How to Disappear in America: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• Abusing Tina Turner Never Goes Out of Style
• Cracked Science Corner!!!!11!!
• Surfers, Lost, and Three More Years of Frustration: The Friday Nooner (EST)!
• What if They Threw an Awards Show and no one Came?
• The Only Thing I Ever Took 10 Years to Make was my Son Cody, and he was Equally Disappointing
• Old Men, Glasses and The Most Underreported News of 2007: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• Ian's Unnecessary News Roundup
• Republican Sketch Artist At Large
• Electric Eels, Christmas Trees and Autograph Magazine Totally Exists: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• Google Unveils Knol, Tries to Act Like it Isn't Wikipedia
• Fun with Yahoo News Photos
• Dancing Bears, The Future of Video Games and Time Magazine Sucks at Lists: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• Smells Like A Gross Exaggeration
• Lance Bass Doesn't Know A Lot About Being Gay
• Winter, Terror and Lycos Still Exists: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• Playing God Never Looked So Good
• Rigid, straining November NPD Video Game Sales Analysis
• Jetpacks, Boredom and The Classiest Headline Ever: The Friday Nooner (EST)!
• Dear God, They Want to Take Away our Pornography (A Manifesto)
• I Wonder How Many Comments On This Post Will Be "w00t."
• Old Robots Vs. New Robots and Energy Air in a Can: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• A Knight to Remember
• Fox News Science Fun!
• Jesus, The Devil and The Worst Play In Canton, Georgia: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• Know What's Funny? School Shootings. Right? Am I Right?
• Led Zeppelin: Been a Long Time, But They Still Rock and Roll!
• Chopping Stuff, Stacking Stuff and A Really Stupid Trademark: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• Powerful men have decided that you shall not get a Wii this Christmas.
• Ross Wolinsky: Wacky Blogger or The Anti-Christ?
• Woody Allen, Laugh Tracks and A Guy Who Makes Dog Armor: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• At What Point Can We Consider Social Darwinism Reversed?
• A Blogger's Dilemma
• Backwards Feet, Urban Street Dancing and How To Make Your Friends Really Uncomfortable In Your Bathroom: The (Friday) Nooner (EST)!
• Blizzard Knows Their Audience Like the Romans Knew the Sabine Women
• Did I Like the Futurama Movie? You Decide!
• Slides, Crying and A Baldness Cure in Flat Black: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• Ian's Unnecessary News Roundup
• Starpulse And Wide Open Ass???!!!
• Lymph Nodes, Detoxing and Lancing the Boil of Institutionalized Racism: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• Bill Nye, The Restraining Order Guy
• Eight Seven Crazy Nights
• Skateboards, Mountain Bikes and A New Way to Eat Butter: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• Weekly Heroes analysis saves backpack, world.
• Another Dating Show With No Balls
• A Failed Experiment, Zero Gravity and a Really Stupid Pair of Scissors: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• Reasons Hulk Hogan's Wife Filed for Divorce
• A Golden Opportunity For Your Penis... If It's Good At Rationalizations
• Diarrhea, Japanese People and The Fashion of the Future: The (Friday) Nooner (EST)!
• Rodney King: Why Beating Him Wasn't Enough
• Children's Toy + Date Rape Drug = Extremely Clickable Headline
• Scalding Hot Chicks, Canadian PSAs and A Winter Outfit With No Pants: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• How Far Is Too Far?
• Stairway To... Let's Say About The 9th Floor
• A Little Boy Who Can Kick Your Ass and A Full-Grown Man In A Really Expensive Skirt: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• Come 2010, You Won't be Able to Read This
• Ian's Unnecessary News Roundup
• Really Fast Clapping, Sorta Fast Clapping and More Men's Winter Fashions: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• This Heroes recap was going to let you go, but instead will now knife you in the stomach
• What Me Found In A Storage Bin?
• Magician Mime Dancing, Sports Hat Juggling and Men's Fashion Demystified: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• For God's Sake, Let Him Come Pick Strawberries Already
• Presidential Candidates Embracing Internet Fads!
• Call Me When You've Got HoloSlaloms
• Happy Turkey Day!
• Wii sells like Hot Cakes. Ironically, Hot Cake sales continue their 40 year slide.
• So Book-like, You'd Think It Was a Book (but it's not)
• Vagina Dentata, YouTube Commenters and My Stepdaughter Wants a Pony: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• Worst Case Scenario: T-Rex Edition
• Jude Is Never Having to Say You're Sorry
• Crippled Fembots and Your Mom in the Bone Zone: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• Heroes apologizes to airborne fans with message spelled out in rocks
• An Open Letter To Ricky Gervais
• Arabs, Lions and Spooning a Houseplant: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• Apparently, All the Interesting Dinosaurs Have Been Discovered
• Cracked Science Corner!!!!11!!
• Jersey Bros, Phantom Time and Yet Another Open Call For Letters: The Friday Nooner (EST)!
• To Protect, Serve, and Beg for Dick
• Moving Things Around Just Doesn't Pay What it Used To
• Rapping Groundhogs, Reptilian Shape-Shifters and An Open Call For Letters: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• And He Saw That They Were Good
• Moby Dick'd Over
• QVC, "Katsaks" and There's A Freemason Under My Airport: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• Where's Conan? And Other Failed Children's Books
• Beatleohead, R.I.P.
• Furries, Orange Soda and Stephen King Killed John Lennon: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• The sluttiest Heroes analysis in town
• See What Sticks
• Tesla Coils, Mario Bros. and The Moon Landing Was Bullshit: The Daily Nooner (EST)!
• Nothing Says "Refreshment" Quite Like an Ice-Cold Bottle of Ham
• Sex And The City: Give The People What They Want!
• Pen Spinning, Electrocution and a Whole Shitload of Screws: The (Friday) Nooner (EST)!