A few months back, we ran an article about baffling political ads that featured Jedrzej Wijas' metal-as-all-hell 2011 Polish campaign video. What we didn't know at that time was that, in 2011, the Polish political scene (you know the one) was absolutely bursting with insane campaign ads. For example ...
#7. Vote for Waldemar Pawlak Because He Can Pretend to Hang Glide
So a quick summary of that video: A man paraglides onto someone's front lawn (probably not his own) ...
... and takes off his helmet ...
... to reveal that he's Deputy Prime Minister of Poland Waldemar Pawlak, and ... that's it. Nothing about his policies or campaign, just "Vote for me because you just watched me successfully land a hang glider in ideal weather conditions."
Clearly, it's not even him in the video until that final moment when you actually see his face. So taking that into account, the message of this video is "Vote for Waldemar Pawlak because he thinks hang gliding looks like a lot of fun, too."
It's not going to earn him a spot in any history books, but he makes a convincing case nonetheless. After all, it's not like we can land a hang glider either, and we didn't even think to mock up a video to make it look like we could.
But Waldemar Pawlak sure did. That's the kind of leadership that wins elections.
#6. Literally Just a Striptease
Just like the title implies, what's posted above is a video of a woman doing a striptease. It also doubles as a campaign video. Apparently, the goal was "to draw the attention of the media." Boobs definitely do that, although she technically doesn't get naked in this tease of a campaign spot. Instead, a big "CENSORED" logo pops up just as we're getting to the good bits.
The text at the end translates to "You want more? Vote SLD!" You might recognize this as the exact blueprint for every GoDaddy.com ad ever made.
#5. Lukasz Wabnic Will Beat Up Perverts, Turn Down Sex
Three terrifyingly rapey Polish men assault a busty young Polish woman before the heroic Lukasz Wabnic intervenes by beating the shit out of them.
Not, like, a metaphorical beating or anything. Just straight-up wailing on dudes.
The lady expresses her gratitude by showing Wabnic her breasts ...
... but he's totally not interested at all. He's about to leave when he suddenly turns back and says, "Well, you could vote for me instead." That's it, the end, vote for chaste rapist-stomper Lukasz Wabnic today.
... or else.
#4. Tadeusz Aziewicz Will Slap You With Fish
In this video, three teenagers do nothing for 10 seconds, then each get hit with a fish. This is literally the entire ad.
This may seem insane, but there's a rational explanation. You see, in Polish, "follow us" translates to "sledz nas," but "sledz" by itself means "herring." So it's, uh, a visual pun on the fact that, uh, fish ...
... yeah, never mind, it's just garden-variety insane.
#3. Monika Paca Will Win This Political Race, Become Leader of the Gnomes
So here's an animated video that likens the political race to an actual footrace, which starts weird and never lets up. Here we see the other contestants ...
... a centurion, an adorable-critter-carrying man, a juggler and a soccer player. Over the course of the video, all of them get taken out of the race ...
... by clumsiness, tiredness, getting bored and leaving to play soccer, and clumsiness again. The remaining runner (presumably Monika Paca) goes on to win by default, which is a strange metaphor to make ("Vote Monika Paca, because everyone else is literally too incompetent to run a campaign"), although it's immediately overshadowed when Monika is made Gnome Queen:
In case you think that this is just some sort of bizarre joke Flash animation, here's a video of Monika Paca re-enacting the video in real life, complete with attractive Polish women in silly hats replacing the gnomes, because of course they do.
#2. PSL Pulls a Sexy Bait-and-Switch
In this video, an attractive young couple lie in a grassy field. The guy makes a suggestive remark to the girl, and then they run toward the barn, pulling off their clothes as they go.
We hear a few moans of ecstatic bliss before it's revealed that ... they're actually playing tennis!
So obviously you're gonna want to vote PSL after seeing that.
#1. The Apocalypse Is Literally Happening Now -- Vote Jacek Pajak
This ad was actually made in 2010. We're going to talk about it anyway. Drop your complaints in the box on your way out.
Anyway, in this video, the apocalypse is nigh upon us, but it's a crazy sci-fi Armageddon. Behold:
As you can see, people are disappearing (turning invisible?) ...
... getting their souls sucked out ...
... and/or exploding (there are a lot of explosions in this video):
Jacek Pajak (which translates to "Pat Sajak" in English) is the one man who can stop this. Vote for him or get devoured by flesh-eating bacteria ...
... it's that simple.