The 4 Strangest Things Nobody Tells You About Life in China 5 Slapstick Failures by Modern Military Commanders 5 Things I Learned as an Anonymous TSA Blogger

The 5 Most Embarrassing Ways Churches Are Trying to Be Hip

Church attendance is dwindling in this day and age, and churches are finally starting to realize that if they don't adapt, they're going to go extinct faster than gingers. Hilariously, this is the best any of them have come up with so far ...

#5. Church Plays Techno Music Like a Club

Getty

Since most young people these days spend their nights grinding up on each other while synthesized music tears apart their eardrums, priests at Church of All Saints in Stockholm decided that techno music was the obvious solution for recent attendance problems.

And, because apparently there are no dance clubs in Sweden, it totally worked. So much so, in fact, that the church had to add extra seating to accommodate the scores of revelers who turned out to raise their glow sticks in praise of Jesus.

#4. Need a Quick Prayer? Visit the Prayer Booth!

bbc.co.uk

Sometimes, you just need to rub one out. A prayer, that is. Meet the Pray-O-Mat, a booth that allows you to duck in and chant along to one of 300 prerecorded prayers whenever the mood strikes.

Admittedly a tongue-in-cheek installation at Manchester University, the designers still think that it can have some use in more populated cities where religious people don't really have a place of peace, although we're not sure why religious people can't just do everything at Starbucks like the rest of the urban population.

#3. Tattoo and Sermon at the Same Time

foxnews.com

Because apparently we have such a great number of people who can't fit "Get a Tattoo" and "Go to Church" together on their busy schedules between "McDonald's Lunch" and "McDonald's 3 p.m. Visit," a church in Michigan now offers tattoos while you worship. Don't worry, a tramp stamp is exactly how God wants to be praised.

#2. Beatboxing Sermons

Beatboxer-turned-reverend Gavin Tyte of the U.K. thought that his sermons were getting a little boring and did the only logical thing a person could do to change a situation like that -- he started beatboxing. While his routine isn't bad, he's still a beatboxer. It's kind of like being good at miming. But hey, if that's what the kids are into, it's probably worth a shot.

#1. Personalized Funerals

Getty

Some churches in the U.K. have begun offering modern, personalized funerals, because if there's anything dead people care about, it's the way they're sent off to the afterlife.

If the dead person in question really loves motorcycles, this is the company that will make sure that the funeral for that person involves motorcycles. You could probably arrange a themed funeral yourself, but you look like much less of a crazy person when you have a company do it for you.



XJ talks about writing on his blog, and he'll cry into his pillow if you don't follow him on Twitter.

  • Random

More Quick Fixes:

See More

Recommended For Your Pleasure

To turn on reply notifications, click here

688 Comments

Choosing to "Like" Cracked has no side effects, so what's the worst that could happen?

The Weekly Hit List

Sit back... Relax... We'll do all the work.
Get a weekly update on the best at Cracked. Subscribe now!