#2. Pot-Infused Pizza Is Like the Sisyphus Myth for Munchies
In what is possibly the greatest marketing ploy in history, Mega iLL pizzeria in Vancouver, British Columbia, will drizzle marijuana oil on your pizza if you pay them $10 extra and show them your prescription card.
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"Fuck it. Just keep my credit card."
The effects take about half an hour to kick in, at which point you will immediately want more pizza, which you will eat and become high again, wanting even more pizza. Truly, the owner of Mega iLL is the greatest genius of our time. While changes to the city's marijuana laws might force them to take the stinky pizza off the menu, the owner has assured all of his customers that they are welcome to come smoke weed in his stereotypical stoner food dispensary any time (see "contemporary genius," above).
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"I'm also opening a massage parlor where for an extra $50 they'll drizzle marijuana oil anywhere."
#1. Marijuana Coffee Will Just Ruin Your Day
A company in Washington will soon be debuting a cannabis-infused iced coffee called Legal, because nothing could make coffee more delicious than the addition of boiled weeds.
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"Eh, it's still better than Starbucks."
The company describes their product thusly: "Drinking this coffee is like riding a cool avalanche of pure deliciousness down a tall mountain and landing in an ocean of good feelings. You'll swim off into a day of work or play filled to the brim with pure joy." We assume that sentence actually begins to make sense once you start drinking their coffee.
"Nope, still stupid. Maybe if I make it an espresso ..."
The company recommends that Legal be used as a morning pick-me-up, as in you drink it and then head off to work. The thing is, Legal is apparently as strong as an IPA or a glass of wine. We're not here to cast judgment, but unless you're a pirate or a musician, rolling out of bed and immediately drinking a mind-altering substance is generally understood to be a bad idea. Bailey's doesn't recommend you start your day with an Irish coffee, because that's terrible advice. Most people who tell you about the job they went to high all the time are talking about that job in the past tense.
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