Some of you had literally never heard about the National Security Agency (NSA) prior to recent revelations that they are so far up your ass that you can text them to find out the next time you can expect to take a shit. So what's it like to work at the NSA? Apparently it's really, really weird. At least that's the impression you get from Cryptolog, the NSA's bizarre internal journal that has the look and feel of something printed on the back of a Chuck E. Cheese's place mat. Old issues of the magazine were recently declassified and uploaded to the Web, and the thing is like Highlights, but dumber. In the average issue you could find ...
#4. Graphics Apparently Intended for Toddlers
Comedians are intolerable. From a distance they're fun, doing jokes under a spotlight, or in bars, or from the back corner of their hay-lined cages, but spending time alone with even one is exhausting. They need an awful lot of attention, and worst of all, they never, ever stop. Point in case, for every video we make at Cracked, you only get to see about 10 percent of the jokes because the rest are buried in sections of the script no one will ever notice. It's unfair to even compare them to icebergs because icebergs at least amount to some sort of point. No, these are just burned jokes, and not always good jokes, that the writers hide in scripts for no reason other than to make themselves giggle at their own cleverness. At least that was the case until now. We compiled all of them for you here, like a Cracked Video Easter Egg no one asked for, or potentially wanted. So enjoy, I guess.
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As we've previously noted, children possess a level of preternatural badassery that most of us forget as we grow up and learn that the entire physical world is not made of pillows and trampolines. Here's a group of children who should make you feel shame the next time the bogeyman of common sense prevents you from attempting to lift a car over your head.
#4. The No-Fucks-Given Adventures of Crocodile Dundee Jr.
The Internet is filled with cultural riches, ranging from translations of ancient Mesopotamian texts to this inexplicable death metal video tribute to Arnold Ziffel, aka the pig from the 1965 sitcom Green Acres.
But that's not all -- the Internet is also home to a borderline unfathomable amount of pornography. And as a result, there are a slew of filters, software, and apps designed to make sure this roiling ocean of filth doesn't completely spill over into the workday, murder worker productivity, and tank the global economy. And given the all-consuming river of XXX fun this blocking technology must stanch, sometimes it backfires hilariously.