Some recent headlines sound so crazy, they could've been dreamed up by the cinematic brain trust behind SyFy channel flicks like Sharknado, Sharktopus, and the unmitigated genius that was Ghost Shark. Unfortunately for the lives affected, the following stories are completely true events, and in no way involved Tara Reid or Eric Roberts.
The Chinese town of Defang was rocked to its core when a million cockroaches managed to escape from a medical facility and spill out into the unsuspecting countryside. The roaches were being used in traditional Chinese medicine, wherein they are ground up and used to fight infectious bacteria for reasons that can never, ever be explained.
Our best guess is that the bacteria dies of fear.
And if you're expecting us to tell you that this movie will suck because 99 percent of all remakes are doomed to be terrible, you're dead wrong. Nope, this movie's gonna suck because 99 percent of all sci-fi remakes are doomed to be terrible. Don't believe us? Consider the evidence ...
#4. They Aren't Very Good (and Don't Make Any Money)
Quick: Name a good sci-fi remake that wasn't the glorious Jeff Goldblum/cat-baboon vehicle The Fly. Remember, Star Trek was technically a reboot/sequel. And 12 Monkeys isn't really a remake, you snob, it's just inspired by a half-hour acid trip. Come on, there's got to be at least one.
Warner Bros, 20th Century Fox, TriStar Pictures, 20th Century Fox, Columbia Pictures, Warner Bros
Ever have one of those days where nothing goes right at work? Maybe you forgot to email something, got a lecture from the boss, or left your glasses at home (and now everyone knows you're Superman). The following people just had those kinds of days, too, but their brain farts were far more apocalyptic.
#4. Pilots Forget to Ask for Permission to Land
One of the first things everyone notices about flying is how the runway looks like Busytown. Dozens of people are out there doing jobs with two main goals in mind: keeping the planes from A) falling apart and B) hitting each other. In that respect, airport workers are like parents of the giant metal angels with the IQs of chipmunks.
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And TSA employees are exactly like parents who must prevent their 10,000 children from sneaking crack and firearms into bath time.
We understand that when love is in the air, people can't always wait for such complicated things as "privacy" before smashing their genitals together. And because of such unbridled passion, modern technology has transformed any case of public [imagine wolf whistle here] into an automatic front page headline across the entire Internet.
And, as recent news stories of al fresco plowing have demonstrated, exhibitionist couples simply do not give a fuck about the inevitability of being immortalized on a camera phone. How else do you explain the following erotic entanglements?
#4. A Couple Gets Nagged by a Kid, Refuses to Stop Doing It
OK, so if you're already going for broke and unleashing your groins in a public place, chances are you don't care too much about people spotting you. But what if a small child walked up and started watching you? Would you stop? If your answer to that question was a resounding "Hang on, I'm not done having sex yet," odds are you're this Chinese couple:
Sex Ed: Another area where American school systems have fallen behind the East.