Quick Fixes


June 17, 2014

4 Behind-the-Scenes Problems That May Kill 'Game of Thrones'

By David Christopher Bell | 700,873 Views

It's official: Game of Thrones has surpassed The Sopranos as HBO's most watched face-crushing boobstravaganza of all time, officially crowning it the Lord of All Television.

Appropriately, raising the show about fantasy espionage and murder to this seemingly untouchable position can only mean that it's about to get cut down in its prime, thanks to a series of inescapable problems looming on the horizon like a shambling horde of White Walkers that both George R.R. Martin and HBO seem as content to ignore as the people of King's Landing.

#4. They're Running Out of Books

Seasons 3 and 4 of Game of Thrones were primarily a split-up version of A Storm of Swords, Martin's third book in the A Song of Ice and Fire series. (Seasons 1 and 2 knocked out the first two books.) The end of Season 4 also covered some material from the fourth book, A Feast for Crows. Now, although A Song of Ice and Fire is projected to eventually be seven books long, only five of those books have been written, and the show has already covered four of them. That means we have roughly one and a half more books of story left (two stretched-out seasons at most) before all of America unanimously turns to Martin and politely coughs. When questioned about this in interviews, both Martin and the show's producers have been breezily optimistic, because two seasons of show should be plenty of time for Martin to fart out a sixth book, right?

Actually, it took Martin six goddamn years to write the last one, and that came out in 2011. He spent five years apiece on each previous novel in the series, meaning that at best the sixth book will be out sometime in 2016, and at worst it will be out sometime in "Who the hell knows?" which was literally the projected release date Martin gave back in 2011. Even he doesn't know when the fuck that book is going to come out.

Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment/Getty Images
He was 19 when the first book was released.


June 14, 2014

4 Ways You Didn't Realize Online Stores Are Screwing You

By XJ Selman | 403,712 Views

If you had told us 20 years ago that there would come a day when we could buy stuff like movies, clothes, and shipping containers full of Kit Kat bars while sitting on our toilets and without having to talk to a single human being, we would have passed out and not woken up until this wondrous future had arrived. Such is the miracle of Internet shopping.

Unfortunately, online retailers are getting more and more afflicted by the virus known as corporate bullshit, getting to the point where the long lines and sweaty people of the days of yore are looking mighty tempting. For example ...

#4. If You Disagree With Amazon, Your Books Stop Existing

Amazon's dominance over the book market is so complete that it's reaching existential levels: If you have a book, but it isn't on Amazon.com, does it really exist? Some lucky authors are finding out the answer to that question after the rain forest-size retailer had a disagreement with their publisher (Hachette, one of the biggest in the world) and retaliated by unleashing every desperate shopper's worst fear: the "Currently Unavailable" button.

"We originally had a giant middle finger, but parents complained about it being in the children's books section."


June 13, 2014

5 Hilarious Early Roles of 'Game of Thrones' Actors

By Amanda Mannen | 578,424 Views

For those of us fully immersed in Westeros and the lives of all its inhabitants, it's easy to forget that Game of Thrones' cast members aren't actually the badass men and women they play on TV. Well, it's easier to forget with some actors than others.

"He's just an actor playing a role. He's just an actor playing a role. He's jus-"

They're all regular working-class Joes who've put in their time with some forgettable roles. Fortunately, we haven't forgotten them.

#5. Rory McCann: The Hideous Hound Got Half-Naked for Porridge

If you know the show, you know the Hound had to get tortured by his sadistic brother to become a vicious killing machine (albeit a complete sissy about fire). In fact, he appears to take to water much more, er, swimmingly.


June 11, 2014

4 Inexplicable Things People Are Infusing With Marijuana

By Kathy Benjamin | 203,015 Views

Currently, pot is legal in only two states, but that isn't stopping companies from cramming marijuana into every possible product like the skateboarding older cousin of bacon and ginseng. We've already told you how people are trying to make pot ridiculously fancy, but don't worry -- even if you don't have thousands of dollars to blow on a diamond-studded bong, there will be plenty of affordable weed-infused products for you to enjoy at home, presumably while also smoking weed.

#4. Weed Sex Lube May or May Not Be Good for the Vagina

If you're a woman and you find your lady-bits clamping shut at inappropriate times, Foria Pleasure has a product that promises to open you up like a cannabis flower, or at least make your genitals smell like the inside of a record store.

"Side effects include possibly being forever trapped in the Dove Body Lotion Ad universe."