Quick Fixes


August 15, 2013

5 Pieces of Artwork That Are Scaring The Crap Out Of People

By Micah Duke | 318,395 Views

In theory, public art is a good thing -- it promotes imagination and creativity while beautifying the world. But -- if recent headlines are any indicator -- it seems like artists are increasingly using "public art" as an excuse to foist hellacious nightmare creatures upon an unsuspecting public.

#5. Australia's $300,000 Flying Boob Monster

Australia is home to species upon species of unusually terrifying animals. So it's unsurprising that, during their leisure time, Australians wile away the hours inventing critters too horrid for reality.

Oh, hey, God's dead. What else could this mean?


August 14, 2013

A Sincere Apology From Cracked to the Daily Mail

By Cyriaque Lamar | 343,522 Views

Look, we're not conceited enough to believe that Cracked is the only website you read. We acknowledge that we are but one potato among many in the Great Garden of Internet, a mere tuber overshadowed by the tumescent and terrible Sequoia of Porno.

Jan Kronsell/Wikimedia Commons
"I require a steady diet of sunlight, fresh water, and anal."

Simply put, we don't expect you to use Cracked for all of your Internet needs. For example, we don't really do weather. None of our staffers are accredited meteorologists, so the best we can forecast is "all Earth weather, every day, until the sun becomes a red giant and annihilates our planet a few billion years from now."

Comstock/Comstock/Getty Images
"Expect sun until you go extinct or evolve into something incomprehensible."

Similarly, we don't subscribe to the "just pull sentences out of our asses and pretend it's real news" school of Internet writing, so we understand if you require the British tabloid The Daily Mail for your daily fix of ass-sentences.


August 13, 2013

5 Criminals Who Took Police Chases to Embarrassing New Lows

By Hillery Alley | 256,627 Views

Most criminals have seen enough CSI to know when they're going to get caught. Nonetheless, they often feel like they owe it to themselves to hazard an escape despite the comically low odds of success. Sometimes this risk is worth it. And other times, these escape attempts are so damn embarrassing that surrendering oneself to authorities while wearing crying hobo clown makeup would be the more dignified option.

#5. Man Goes on a High-Speed Police Chase (on a Moped)

After being spotted driving on a suspended license and approached by the police, James Phillips of Bristol, England, panicked and put some pedal to the metal. Or, to be more precise, put the handle-thingamajig-of-his-moped to the metal, because that's what the dude was driving: an effete 30-mile-per-hour insult to motorized vehicles. And because the suburbs of Bristol apparently don't see a lot of action, this chase somehow warranted four police cars and a helicopter.

Bristol Crown Court
At one point they are all outrun by a grandma on a Rascal.


August 12, 2013

4 Signs That Educational TV Is Totally Dead

By David Christopher Bell | 355,892 Views

It's hard to believe now, but there was a brief moment in history when the idea of "educational television" was a godsend for a world being sullied by the two-headed demon temptress of MTV and Skinemax. Yes, back in the early years of cable, there were entire channels devoted to educating the masses: Discovery Channel, The Learning Channel (TLC), et cetera. Unfortunately, something terrible has happened in the last few years and the idea of using TV to make people smarter has been flushed down the toilet. Here's why:

#4. "Educational" Is a Bad Word

Considering that it's typically called "educational programming," you'd assume that the first thing TV executives would look for in an educational show is whether or not it teaches something. That's what one Emmy-nominated children's show host thought after launching a hugely popular program that taught American Sign Language to children. People loved and awarded her first show -- why not launch a whole other show that taught kids stuff?

ASL is metal as hell.