The new Percy Jackson trailer proves just how shallow the well of teen-marketed fantasy apparently is, for there is literally no single moment in its two-and-a-half-minute runtime that doesn't show us something that we've already seen a dozen times in the past five years.
#8. A Potpourri of Secluded Magical Youths (X-Men, Harry Potter)
The trailer immediately establishes Camp Half-Blood by showing us an assortment of inconsistently gifted youngsters with various fantasy powers galloping around under the supervision of equally bizarre adults in some strange, wooded hideaway camp.
Not every brand strikes gold when it attempts to design an eye-catching new logo. The following efforts all belong in a museum next to stacks of racist magazine ads and Flintstones cigarette commercials to remind us all how freaking crazy marketing can be.
Today, Starbucks has more locations than McDonald's, quickly approaching a ratio of 1 per every 10,000 people. We don't even get that kind of representation in Congress. Their logo of a nude monarch holding two lobster tails is one of the most recognized in the world:
April is the last month before the summer blockbusters start exploding into cineplexes like hand grenades full of Pixar and Robert Downey Jr. Going to the movies in April is like trying to cry and/or masturbate the night before an Eyes Wide Shut party. It might pass the time, but it just seems terribly wasteful given what we know is right around the corner.
#4. Scary Movie 5
It's hard to see the word "protection" up there and not think a few dozen condoms could have prevented this whole series.
Sports are a very human activity, but animals do try to join in from time to time. This usually results in a dead animal and a bunch of irritated humans who are now late for something.
#4. A Bat Stops a Basketball Game
Somehow a bat found its way into the middle of a college basketball game, reducing a group of adult male athletes in peak physical condition to a bunch of terror-stricken cartoon characters.
Bright House Sports Network
If this had sound, we'd be on the hook for thousands of spit-damaged computer keyboards.