The law is full of oppressive rules against everyday things that should really be legal in this day and age but somehow aren't -- say, driving without pants or time travel. At the same time, there are certain dubious acts that you're totally allowed to do this very moment, for one gobsmacking reason or another.
#4. Pot Is Illegal in Most States, but Deadly Synthetic Marijuana Is A-OK in Colorado
In Colorado, all the kids are trying this new hot craze called dying in a hospital after smoking shitty synthetic marijuana -- or Spice for short. This bootleg pot (which is made in China) has been linked to three deaths, 150 hospital visits, and a presumed legion of embarrassing calls to poison control centers. Oh, and due to a loophole, it's totally legal.
Pranks can be fun, but some folks assume that the sole criterion of a prank is that it comes at the expense of others. And in those cases, "friends playing a practical joke" quickly devolves into "unrepentant sociopaths entertaining themselves." Here are some recent examples of that second thing.
#4. A Cop Leads His Co-workers on a High-Speed Chase
Michael Milo Arbulic decided to prank his fellow officers of the North Vancouver Police Department by blazing through a speed trap at more than 37 miles per hour over the posted speed limit at 1 o'clock in the morning, because Arbulic was one of those kids we knew growing up whose idea of an April Fools' Day joke was to punch people in the chest and say "April Fools!"
"April Fools -- you're adopted."
As these things happen, it's come to the planet's attention that a pair of Texas college students has been self-publishing a not-unsuccessful series of dinosaur-on-girl porno novellas on Amazon.
Given that the Internet requires elaborate sex fantasies involving The Price Is Right and the Muppets to even maintain an erection, dino porn seems quasi-puritanical. But these books sport outright hilarious art, which juxtaposes a blase stock photo model with a confused CG dinosaur. Here are the 10 best covers.
#10. Running from the Raptor
Key Blurb: "Instead of the tearing her to bits, the raptor begins to nuzzle at her nether regions."
It's a fair assumption that the authors blessed these dinos with big ol' mammalian Fabio dongs. If we're being evolutionarily sound, the happy raptor up there will likely end up unceremoniously dumping a cloaca full of sperm all over that gal and pass out a good 90 seconds before his cave-stereo hits the drum solo from "In the Air Tonight."
Now that America is officially beyond Thunderdome, it's time for every major news network to make a tally of just how fucked we actually are. CNN, for example, has given us a very handy list of what's closed and what's open across the country like it's some kind of national snow day.
While their list gives a look at just how many lives will be affected, it still doesn't encapsulate just how many random things depend on the government. At least not until those things suddenly go away overnight ...
#5. Intercollegiate Sporting Events Will Be Canceled
In what is bad news for both small-time bookies and public gropers, college sports arenas soon might find themselves at a standstill as events across the country are being dropped one after another -- specifically the games between military academies. As you're probably guessing, that's thanks to the Department of Defense somehow believing that Navy cross-country is somehow a non-essential expense.
Our country's 134th line of defense behind Air Force badminton and Army dodgeball.