Quick Fixes

Article

August 19, 2013

4 Brazenly Stupid Criminals Who Just Didn't Give a Crap

By XJ Selman, A.C. Grimes | 257,934 Views

Some criminals spend considerable time and effort concocting new ways to keep the police off their back, such as only using disposable phones or emulating the flinty good looks of Idris Elba. (Sorry, some of us here just discovered The Wire.) But then there are crooks on the other end of the spectrum who go about their business somewhat less surreptitiously and -- to put the behavior in layman's terms -- just don't give a flying shit.

#4. Florida Man Fills Out Job Application at Gas Station, Promptly Robs It

Last July, imminent Florida representative Anthony Thomas went out to his local Citgo gas station to apply for a job. After filling out the application form, giving the place his real full name and address, Thomas felt so satisfied for being a productive member of society that he helped himself to a little reward -- namely, $130 from the cash register, which he swiped right in front of a plainly visible security camera.

onlinenewsvideostv
If you watch it backward, he's just leaving the cashier a generous tip.

Article

August 18, 2013

5 Crazy Ways Awful People Are Trying to Improve Their Image

By CRACKED Staff | 421,213 Views

Killing folks indiscriminately is historically a poor tactic for winning over the neighborhood. Indeed, some of the most hated people in the world are realizing this and have begun taking steps to refurbish their image. And not by not killing more people and hoping that works this time around -- instead, they're trying adorable strategies that would cause the Girl Scouts of America to vomit up a gumdrop-flavored rainbow.

#5. Murderous Gangster on Trial Unleashes the Animal Cuddling Defense

James "Whitey" Bulger is an infamous mob boss indicted on charges of extortion, drug dealing, murder, and crimes so horrific that Johnny Depp almost starred in his biopic. Knowing that his claims of innocence would make his own mother laugh her ass off, Bulger's legal team switched to a more aggressive strategy: pictures of him cuddling with dogs, goats, and birds.

U.S. District Court- AP Photo

Reuters
Out of frame: his pet crocodile, Dillinger.

Article

August 17, 2013

5 Relationship Apps Designed Solely For Insane People

By David Christopher Bell | 181,099 Views

Relationships are tough. But thanks to some new smartphone applications, couples can breathe easy knowing that every step of their relationship can be dictated by an impartial handheld electronic device, just like nature intended! Here's our recipe for building your very own love computer (that runs on mescaline).

#5. Meet Someone With a Blind-Dating App

Blind dates are those things that sitcom characters go on to generate awkward laughs from a studio audience. But now, thanks to OkCupid's new Crazy Blind Date app, you can trust an uncaring and faceless company to send you on an exploratory romantic encounter with a complete stranger.

crazyblinddate.com
Crazy: The foundation of every healthy relationship.

Comic

August 16, 2013

4 Ways Gross Cultural Ignorance Just Made the News Hilarious

By David Christopher Bell | 350,047 Views

Thanks to the public's insatiable appetite for constant news, a random dude can literally find an old hamburger in his pocket and Time and CNN will be all over that discovery. The problem is that -- in our quest to fill every minute with new information -- old prejudices and terrible stereotypes fill in the gaps, especially when the media don't double-check their sources. Don't believe us? Take a look ...

#4. Japanese Eye-Licking Must Be Real (Because It's Japan)

Everybody knows that Japan is crazy. That's why it came as no surprise to hear that teenagers over there were really into this thing called worming -- that is, licking eyeballs for sexual gratification. In the past few months, the Telegraph, the Guardian, ABC, Fox, CBS, and Time all covered the freaky Japanese fad, and they all consulted experts who warned about everything from pinkeye to blindness.

Born
It was inspired by this music video, because what could be more inspirational?