Whether we like it or not, we've all had our worldview at least somewhat warped by sitcoms. Many of us were disappointed when we first learned that you can't rent a giant apartment on a slacker's salary, or that foreigners aren't always wacky and mustachioed.
And apparently one of the professions most profoundly influenced by sitcoms is that of the judicial variety, as the following recent court rulings seem to be straight out of some zany Friday night lineup. All that's missing is the Urkel cameos.
#4. Divorced Couple Is Forced to Literally Split the House
Your standard sitcom house consists of two stories, an attic or basement, and the obligatory awkward living situation, such as bunking with your eccentric Mediterranean cousin or a cat-eating visitor from outer space. For one ex-husband and wife in Spain, that awkward housemate ended up being each other, as a judge (no doubt inspired by Yo Amo a Lucy reruns) has ordered them to literally split their house in half.
"If hijinks fail to ensue within a period of 90 days, you will be subject to a 4,000 euro fine."
We tend to rely on GPS technology a little too much, particularly while driving through an unfamiliar area looking for a friend and/or drug dealer's house. The more advanced GPS technology becomes, the easier it is for us to forget that, due to programming errors or outdated source maps, GPS routes are often utterly incorrect to the point of inflicting personal catastrophe.
#8. GPS Tells Woman to Drive Car onto Railroad Tracks, So She Does
A Boston woman was driving along the road with her two children one night when she made a right turn directly onto a railroad track at the direction of her GPS, because you don't argue with your robot overlords when they're commanding you on your minivan journey. When she realized she couldn't steer her car off the tracks, she simply took her children and abandoned the vehicle, which was eventually hit by a train.
Unfortunately, her policy didn't cover "act of God- damn, what the fuck is wrong with you?"
Yes, "The Super Bowl Shuffle" is equal to nine Renoirs stapled together, but let's be honest -- there's not a lot of refined artwork inspired by football. Nowhere in the Louvre hangs a tasteful watercolor of John Madden in nude repose, and that's just crazy.
Also, this photo is 100 percent better if you imagine that he's not wearing pants.
Still, we had a sneaking suspicion that there were talented artists out there blending the raw athleticism of the gridiron with the snooty-tootiness of fine art. To investigate, Cracked went to the popular portfolio website deviantART and searched for a single word: "NFL."
We regretted this decision immediately. Behold our chilling findings, as our sanity will not allow us to carry this burden alone.
#5. NFL Mascot Furry Drawings
Some of you are now doubtless asking, "Aren't most NFL mascots technically furries?" We'll give you that. But there's a stark difference between the goggle-eyed antics of the Atlanta Falcons' mascot, Freddie, and a grown man transforming into Freddie while crying.
If you're in a relationship and make a mistake, you generally have two choices. You can either A) suck it up and have an honest talk with your significant other or B) do something utterly batshit, like fake your own death to avoid admitting that you left the toilet seat up.
Guess which decision the following four guys went with?
#4. Man Blackmails His Ex-Girlfriend for Fake Ransom Money
Last November, Lee Richardson's ex-girlfriend started receiving threatening phone calls from a group of men who told her that they had kidnapped Richardson. They were going to kill him unless she paid them ransom money at regular intervals, so the frightened woman acquiesced and wound up leaving the kidnappers thousands of dollars in a mailbox between November and July.
But when she stopped making payments, the kidnappers stole her car to show her that they meant business, as they were curiously hellbent on receiving ransom payments from her instead of Richardson's other friends or immediate family.
"And whatever you do, don't ever go to his apartment, because he's totally super not there."