Internal memos are like the family secrets of bureaucracies. Some are boring and tame, and others -- like if your parents share a grandparent -- should never see the light of day. The following memos are on the incest side of the embarrassment scale.
#4. PayPal Employees Want Nothing to do With PayPal
Whether you use it or not, we can all probably agree that PayPal has made buying sex toys and porn subscriptions without credit cards a tiny bit simpler, which by itself sort of justifies PayPal's existence. Unfortunately, the people who work there don't agree. In February, the president of PayPal sent an alarming internal memo to all his San Jose employees chastising them for not being PayPally enough.
"You want us to start locking our accounts for no reason whatsoever?"
As soon as something taboo goes mainstream, businesses will find a way to attract the money of your Aunt Doris. And with the legalization of marijuana building momentum, the future of pot smoking is going to be a lot more mom-and-pop friendly than you could ever imagine. What the hell are we talking about?
#4. Bed-and-Breakfasts ... ON WEED
B&Bs are those adorable little inns where your parents go on vacation when they want to totally do it. And a B&B in Denver called Get High Hideaways is now charging $200 a night in the hopes of attracting high-end clientele whose idea of a good time is contemplating infinity while staring at doilies and Hummel figurines for hours on end.
Matthew Staver/The New York Times
Just imagine this as a GIF.
In the fast-paced world of today, not all of us have the time to actually "read" news articles beyond the headline, just like not all journalists have the time to "check their sources" or "give a shit about the fake stories they're spreading." Fortunately, we've sort of taken it upon ourselves to become the Batman of news -- hiding in the shadows, cleaning up the Internet one hyperbolic story at a time, all while wearing our undies on the outside.
#4. Kurt Cobain's "Old Roommate" Isn't Selling His Stuff on Craigslist
Twenty years after Kurt Cobain's death, even the city that once arrested the guy for vandalism is trying to cash in on his memory by erecting a tourist-bait statue of him crying. That's why it didn't seem too far-fetched when the following headline popped up everywhere:
"Including torn jeans, a box that looks kind of like a heart, and Krist Novoselic."
Earlier this week, Sony, a multimedia corporate giant run by full-grown adults, paid $1 million for a screenplay called Winter's Knight, a gritty interpretation of the Santa Claus legend, because everyone in Hollywood has lost their fucking minds.
#4. This Is a $1 Million Pitch
According to the article, Winter's Knight is a reimagining of the origin of Santa Claus, putting St. Nicholas in the mix with Viking elements. So, St. Nicholas, a fourth-century Greek bishop famous for putting gold into people's shoes, is going to somehow travel halfway across the known world and do battle with Vikings.
The magical white flurry that inspired this probably wasn't made of snow.