As long as the media keep taking bullshit stories and reporting them as fact, we're gonna keep pointing that shit out and making fun of them. And so goes another installment in our infinity-part series of stories you probably heard this month and assumed were true simply because a well-known site that millions of people read every week told you so. Like ...
#4. The Woman Who Hands Out "Fat Notes" on Halloween Probably Doesn't Exist
The story that sparked the most Internet outrage last week wasn't about communist health care or the NSA reading your old AIM chat logs -- it was about some terrible lady in North Dakota who, according to CBS, Fox News, USA Today, and many others, opted to hand out "you're fat" letters to children instead of candy:
Still better than getting raisins.
You'd think airlines would do a little more to make the whole experience of catapulting through the sky in a metal tube at screaming velocities a little less nerve wracking. Sadly, this is not the case.
Take these four airlines, which recently decided to go the distance in the incompetence race with the unbelievable audacity of a dog who looks you in the eye while pissing on your baby. And if you think that analogy is over the top, you're not ready for the following stories ...
#4. Airline Loses Someone's Dog, Emails the Press About How Little They Care
Everyone has a lost-luggage story, but for most of us that luggage wasn't a living, breathing thing like Larry, an Italian greyhound that made a leash break at San Francisco International.
Mark Hatfield/iStock/Getty Images
"I see how they're handling the luggage. Fuck this."
Sexism obviously still exists in the 21st century, but nowadays we're running into the unique historical phenomenon of sexism being perpetrated by screwballs who attempt to improve society but instead immediately roundhouse kick themselves in the mouths like a drunken Stretch Armstrong.
Here are some recent examples of incredibly sexist "advice" for women, courtesy of people who think the only difference between being sexist and being progressive is an unwelcome butt pinch.
#4. A Law Firm Issues a Memo Reminding Female Attorneys to Use Big Words and Not Flash Anybody
The massive international law firm Clifford Chance recently had its Women's Committee send out a memo to all their female attorneys titled "Presentation Tips for Women" that reads more like a collection of instructions to help idiot teenagers bluff their way through a job interview than something intended for professional graduates from the top law schools in the world.
"Don't do 'jerk-off' motion when opposing lawyers are speaking."
If your product makes consumers feel like they're vomiting out their soul, it's back to the drawing board. While this lesson seems obvious, it was lost on the following companies, whose recent headlines seem less like manufacturing snafus and more like war crimes charges ...
#4. Apple's iOS 7 Makes People Sick, Literally
With every new Apple operating system comes the inevitable swarm of people ready to tell you why it's the worst thing this side of Hitler. But the new march of dissent for Apple's iOS 7 has an interesting twist to it -- it's been making people physically sick. Why? Because every time you access an app, your iPhone turns into the freaking Twilight Zone intro:
Then Siri starts talking like Rod Serling from beyond the grave.