Quick Fixes

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February 08, 2015

4 Packages Delivered to the Best Possible Wrong Address

By Jason Iannone | 467,661 Views

Anybody who's ever dealt with a delivery has had at least one order go awry. Maybe you wanted pepperoni on your pizza and instead got anchovies, or maybe that Fleshlight you sent away for arrived with the fun part tragically sealed up. Mistakes happen, is what we're saying.

But some delivery boo-boos have consequences that can't be fixed by yelling at someone on the phone and getting a refund -- you know, stuff like traumatizing hundreds of kids or accidentally helping fund ISIS. The next time you get your neighbor's phone bill by mistake, be glad it was just that and not something like ...

#4. Summer School Accidentally Sends 100 Porn DVDs to Children

Over the summer, hundreds of students took part in Edinburgh Playhouse's summer stage sessions, learning valuable lessons about stage premise, enunciation, and what the fuck Cats is actually about. In December, the school sent out DVDs that were supposed to contain pictures and video of the kids' experiences and performances there. What the children actually got, however, was less Kinky Boots and more kinky everything. As in, they fucking sent porn to kids -- directly to kids, since the DVDs were specifically addressed to them, not their parents.

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"What was the name of the camp again?"

Article

February 06, 2015

Why We Should Be Glad Game of Thrones Is Ditching the Books

By Tom Reimann | 355,453 Views

It's finally happened. That thing that we've been worrying about since the show aired its first season way back in 2011. Game of Thrones has now run out of books to adapt.

HBO
Once again, we did warn you.

The trailer for Season 5 just had its unofficial premiere a few days ago via leaked footage from the recent IMAX screening of two of last season's episodes. It's clear from the snippets in the trailer that this season is going all the way through the final existing book, A Dance With Dragons. The new season won't even have any of Bran, the only character in a major television series to spend most of his screen time riding in a basket on the back of a learning-disabled giant (Hodor, the aforementioned giant, will also be missing). Why? Because they've already filmed everything George R.R. Martin has ever written about those two characters. So, if you're a fan of the show, anxious to see what happens to Bran beyond The Wall ... too bad. You'll have to wait until next year, when the showrunners will have to start writing the show scripts based on Martin's rough plan, rather than his fully fleshed-out books.

HBO
"Uh, 80 percent of this script is just the word 'tits.'"

Article

February 04, 2015

5 Horrifying Ways Real Kids Got Introduced to Adult Life

By Kathy Benjamin | 368,100 Views

Usually when we worry about kids getting pushed into adulthood, we're talking about the obvious stuff like too much sex on TV and the fact that children are literally starting puberty earlier than ever holy shit you guys.

But in the following, recent tales of woe, it was dumbass adults themselves who inflicted the horrors of grownupdom on kids, thus proving yet again, for the millionth time, that adults are the worst.

#5. Police Arrest a 9-Year-Old for Failing to Appear in Court

If reruns of Law & Order have taught us anything, it's that you do not miss a court date. If you get a summons to appear before a judge, your ass better show up or Detective Stabler will be out looking to kick said ass within minutes.

And nowhere is this truer that the town of Post Falls, Idaho, population 30,000. It's unsurprising you have never heard of that town before, considering they apparently have no murders or rapes or robberies to deal with. The town's roaring population also explains why a 9-year-old child was arrested for stealing a pack of gum and, somehow, a warrant for his arrest was put out when he failed to appear in court.

Bjorn-Robert Schmechel/iStock/Getty Images
"I've got fruit stripes upon my shoulders."

Article

February 03, 2015

5 Bizarre Theme Cruises For Unspeakably Lonely People

By Marina Reimann | 259,036 Views

When you go on a vacation cruise, you're really paying for the privilege of isolation -- being hundreds of miles away from work or school, relaxing in the middle of the ocean where nobody can reach you. However, there are some people out there who mistake "isolation" for "things you normally do alone in your apartment," resulting in some of the most unintentionally depressing theme cruises ever conceived.

#5. Meow Meow Cruise

Vacation-starved individuals who love cats more than they love other people can book tickets for four nights of relaxation aboard the Meow Meow Cruise, a trip for folks who refer to their pets as their "children" while spamming their social media accounts with pictures of animals trapped in bondage. You may recognize this as a genre of photograph typically accompanied by a ransom note.

People Pets
But if you send them money, they'll just torture the cat more.