You've probably already heard that intensely likeable news anchor and perpetual Guy Smiley impersonator Brian Williams has spent the last 12 years telling a whopper about his coverage of the Iraq war. Like that kid who insisted that at his old school he was able to swing AROUND the cross bar on the swingset, you just had to be there to see him do it, Williams has done the journalistic equivalent with a war anecdote.
The story went like this: In 2003, Williams was covering the U.S. invasion of Iraq, when something went wrong. In the first version of the story, he told The Nightly News that the helicopter in front of him in his entourage was shot down by a rocket-launched grenade.
Ten years later, the story was different -- he was IN the helicopter that was shot down. On Jan. 30, Williams retold the new and improved version of his date with a grenade at a tribute to a veteran. The next day this happened:
For single people, this is a hard time of year, and not in the good way. Seeing all those happy couples makes you just want to beat them over the head with an industrial-sized dildo, but you can't, because that's probably a brand-new crime that they haven't even named yet, so they would name it after you. You can, however, do the next-best thing and beat yourself with that dildo -- there's nothing wrong with loving yourself, even (especially) in the biblical sense.
Except when there is. Sometimes there very, very much is, particularly when science decides that the whole curing cancer thing is a total snoozefest and that coming up with inventive new ways to whack off is where it's at. The resulting marriage between the highest and lowest technologies is a union you wouldn't call holy, unless you were referring to actual holes.
#5. Teddy Love: The Teddy Bear That Loves Back (With Oral Sex)
It used to be common sense that, if you're into fucking teddy bears, that is strictly between you and the poor sack of cotton whose innocence you've defiled. That's clearly not the stance of the terrifying brains behind Teddy Love, the world's first toy bear that gets covered in bodily fluids by design, not by accident.
"And me in 10 levels of hell."
Better Call Saul made TV history last Sunday by becoming the highest rated cable series debut ever, presumably because of the hundreds of millions of Mr. Show fans who set the entertainment industry's agenda every day. And it wasn't just humans that were excited for Saul, but corporations as well.
Less sticky too.
If our eternal news-checking series has taught us anything, it's that nobody's perfect. Old salts like CNN can screw the pooch just as hard as web-born companies trying to tackle a story first instead of making sure to tackle it correctly. We get that. This is probably why up-and-comer Vox -- which proudly calls themselves a "new kind of news site" -- has fucked up stories at least 46 times in the 10 months it's been around.
While that is hilariously awful, grossly misunderstanding a story is still infinitely better than lazily choosing not to explore it past a single grabby headline in exchange for ad revenue -- as seems to be the case with the following willfully misinterpreted news stories ...
#6. That Video of Men Catcalling Their Mothers Is Faaaaaaaake
"Social experiment" videos are a great idea when done genuinely, but not everyone has time to walk around New York for 10 hours to showcase the problems with street harassment. Luckily, there's another handy trick called "just faking it" -- because nothing says "we want to shed light on a serious and totally real problem" better than hiring actors to re-create scumbaggery in exchange for completely subverting your message. And now this happened:
Spoiler: no, they won't.