Quick Fixes

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May 12, 2014

8 B.S. News Stories That Fooled Your Friends (Part 21)

By David Christopher Bell | 399,608 Views

Every week or so, we at Cracked get the privilege of shining a light on how shitty real journalists are at double-checking their sources. And thanks to that convenient but dangerous "share" button, half of these news stories made the rounds before anyone thought twice about investigating whether somebody excavated the facts from a bull's colon.

#8. Apple Is Not Making Smart Ear Pods

Most tech rumors exist somewhere in the purgatory between "kind of plausible" and "fucking goofy," but also don't tend to break out to sites like the Guardian until they become official, right?

theguardian.com
"Scientists hope to use data to develop cure for dealing with Apple users."

Article

May 09, 2014

7 Creepy Mysteries With Really Dumb Explanations (Pt. 3)

By XJ Selman | 548,010 Views

As we've noted previously, unexplained phenomena really do exist. There are things out there that our limited human intellect will simply never be able to comprehend. Unfortunately, these aren't some of them. Once again, here are some "creepy mysteries" we found perfectly logical explanations for, and in an astronomical coincidence, it turns out they're all reeeeally stupid.

#7. The Latest Image of the Loch Ness Monster ... Is a Boat

Have you ever wondered why those who still believe in the ridiculously drawn out urban legend that is the Loch Ness monster don't look for him in satellite images, now that that's a thing anyone with a phone can do? Well, they did try that recently, and- OH SHIT, THERE IT IS.

Apple Maps

Apple Maps
This Godzilla viral marketing is getting out of hand.

Article

May 05, 2014

4 Trends Hollywood Needs to Admit They Were Wrong About

By David Christopher Bell | 641,865 Views

If every industry worked like the movie industry, Atari would be on its 15th ET: The Game sequel, all Coca-Cola cans would say New New New Coke on them, and aeronautic companies would constantly be like "Hey, remember the Hindenburg? Let's do that again." No type of executive is better at spotting hilariously shitty non-trends and refusing to learn painfully obvious lessons than film executives. For example, they apparently still don't realize that ...

#4. The LEGO Movie Didn't Succeed Just Because It Was Based on a Toy

The LEGO Movie had a lot going for it: Besides the fact that it already had a built-in toy line, a tradition of funny video games and home movies, and brand awareness for both children and sore-footed adults, it was also written and directed by people familiar with slam-dunking nostalgia, having previously done Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs and 21 Jump Street. Combine all that with a talented comedic cast and a pre-President's Day release date designed to drum up word-of-mouth hype and you have yourself a bona-fide box office success.

The lesson Hollywood took from this carefully and lovingly made success? "Churning out movies based on toys = $$$$$." Here are the titles for some films getting fast-tracked right now:

Mattel

Parker Brothers

Just Born
"Hey, I saw some kids playing with a dead possum the other da-"
"GREENLIT!"

Article

May 02, 2014

7 Japanese Fast Food Items (Almost) Too Insane to Be Real

By XJ Selman | 401,373 Views

When it comes to things like waffle tacos, America is Middle-Earth, and every other nation is like some lesser fantasy realm where the hobbits don't have gout and the One Ring isn't the elastic waistband on a pair of sweatpants, right?

Wrong! Japan is locked in an arms race with America to see who can distend their populations into the fattest fucks possible. In fact, Japan has been stepping up their grotesque edibles game quite a bit in recent months, so much so that they're making KFC's Double Down look like a quinoa enema. What are we talking about?

#7. Kit Kat Pizza

Say you're in Japan and you're in the mood for a slice of American-style 'za. None the wiser, you head on over to the chain Napoli no Kama and order yourself their latest specialty: the Kit Kat Pizza. Surely the "Kit Kat" part of the phrase "Kit Kat Pizza" is just a regional term for a fish or some esoteric spice, right?

Nope, it's a goddamn pizza topped with Kit Kats.

kotaku.com
Presenting the only time in history no one will ask you to share either one.