Back in 2008, DC Comics had massive success with The Dark Knight. And now that Marvel's space opera about a low-vocabulary tree-man is the highest-grossing movie of the year, DC is more than eager to hop back aboard the hype train, unaware that they've aimed it squarely off a cliff. Their main problems?
#4. DC's Doing the Exact Opposite of What Made Marvel Successful
DC can't just copy Marvel's film formula, so they're contrasting. Namely, DC's embracing the gritty overtones of the Christopher Nolan Bat-trilogy -- which printed a shit-ton of Bat-dollars, reactions to The Dark Knight Rises notwithstanding -- instead of Marvel's pop superheroics.
Also, DC is flip-flopping the structure of The Avengers. In that film, Marvel took an armful of superheroes -- most of whom had prior films to establish their characters -- and tossed them all into the same darn movie. If you hated Thor, it didn't matter -- you could ignore that character and instead relish Iron Man's banter, Captain America's befuddled good looks, or Hawkeye's, uh, Hawk-stuff.
This was a nice dessert after a well-made meal. Justice League is just a high dive into a swimming pool of ice-cream headache.
A decade ago, sci-fi movies like The Island and Minority Report promised us a future where we didn't have to pick up controllers to play video games. Well, guess what: It's here! The future arrived! And it sucks! After the promising start of the Wii, the impressive technological potential of the Kinect, and the "hey guys, we're doing this too, we guess" of the PlayStation Move, it looks like the state of interactive gaming has screeched to a painful halt. Here's why:
#4. The PlayStation 4 Camera Is Used for Porn, Drugs, Weirdness (Anything but Gaming)
The world was introduced to the PlayStation 4's Playroom (a mini-game that uses a camera to show you interacting with cool special effects on your TV) when Ice-T kicked little virtual robots on Jimmy Fallon's show. Remember that? Lots of people do, because the PS4 camera immediately sold out as gamers began broadcasting their Playroom sessions online. Here's how Sony imagined everyone would use this thing:
And here's what the Internet did instead:
He starts blowing the gun too.
While we might be quick to whine about our lack of flying cars, hoverboards, lightsabers, time machines, teleporters, self-tying sneakers, personal robot servants, jet packs, and people walking around with three boobs, we have to admit NASA has actually been science-fictioning things up over the last few years. How so?
#8. Morpheus Can Land Like a UFO
Anything stereotypically UFO-like in the history of NASA inventions has been shat on and cooked alive by the underside exhaust flames of NASA's latest "Shit, is that a real UFO?" achievement: Project Morpheus.
"We came up with the idea after chili day at the cafeteria."
If you're one of those people who are worried that Hollywood has run out of ideas, fear not! We've diagrammed the next 10 years of movies for you, to demonstrate that the bigwigs out in Tinseltown are nowhere close to the bottom of their creative wells.
2012: A New Bourne Trilogy Begins (Just Like 10 Years Ago)
Back in 2002, America was a nation still reeling from the previous year's September 11 release of Nickelback's third studio album, Silver Side Up. It was the perfect environment for a popcorny espionage thriller like The Bourne Identity to make a killing at the box office, especially when it features Matt Damon riding a guy down a flight of stairs like a magic carpet.
A whole neeeww world!