No one can deny that teaching is a difficult job with little in the way of tangible rewards. Some educators rise beautifully to the challenge and enrich their students' lives, while others attempt to enrich their students' lives and fail spectacularly. For every Edward James Olmos in Stand and Deliver, there is an Ernie Hudson in The Substitute. Here are sterling examples of that second type.
#4. Middle School Coach Insists on Taking His Students to Hooters
An Oregon football coach decided to take his team out for a celebratory end-of-season dinner at everyone's favorite PG-13 gentlemen's club, Hooters. This sounds like standard practice for a group of AXE-misted young men and an aged, married chaperone caught in the violent throes of a midlife crisis, until we specify that he was a coach for a middle school football team, and his players were all 12 years old. Complaints from several parents of the players, as well as a warning from the school district's athletic director, could not dissuade the coach -- those goddamn kids were going to goddamn Hooters whether they liked it or not.
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In his defense, it was half price wings night.
As long as the media keep taking bullshit stories and reporting them as fact, we're gonna keep pointing that shit out and making fun of them. And so goes another installment in our infinity-part series of stories you probably heard this month and assumed were true simply because a well-known site that millions of people read every week told you so. Like ...
#4. The Woman Who Hands Out "Fat Notes" on Halloween Probably Doesn't Exist
The story that sparked the most Internet outrage last week wasn't about communist health care or the NSA reading your old AIM chat logs -- it was about some terrible lady in North Dakota who, according to CBS, Fox News, USA Today, and many others, opted to hand out "you're fat" letters to children instead of candy:
Still better than getting raisins.
You'd think airlines would do a little more to make the whole experience of catapulting through the sky in a metal tube at screaming velocities a little less nerve wracking. Sadly, this is not the case.
Take these four airlines, which recently decided to go the distance in the incompetence race with the unbelievable audacity of a dog who looks you in the eye while pissing on your baby. And if you think that analogy is over the top, you're not ready for the following stories ...
#4. Airline Loses Someone's Dog, Emails the Press About How Little They Care
Everyone has a lost-luggage story, but for most of us that luggage wasn't a living, breathing thing like Larry, an Italian greyhound that made a leash break at San Francisco International.
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"I see how they're handling the luggage. Fuck this."
Sexism obviously still exists in the 21st century, but nowadays we're running into the unique historical phenomenon of sexism being perpetrated by screwballs who attempt to improve society but instead immediately roundhouse kick themselves in the mouths like a drunken Stretch Armstrong.
Here are some recent examples of incredibly sexist "advice" for women, courtesy of people who think the only difference between being sexist and being progressive is an unwelcome butt pinch.
#4. A Law Firm Issues a Memo Reminding Female Attorneys to Use Big Words and Not Flash Anybody
The massive international law firm Clifford Chance recently had its Women's Committee send out a memo to all their female attorneys titled "Presentation Tips for Women" that reads more like a collection of instructions to help idiot teenagers bluff their way through a job interview than something intended for professional graduates from the top law schools in the world.
"Don't do 'jerk-off' motion when opposing lawyers are speaking."