Thanks to shows like Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, and The Walking Dead, we are finally at the point our elders foretold where we actually want to watch television more than movies. The future of TV looks pretty great ... if you ignore every other trend coming with it. If we truly are living in the Golden Age of television, brace yourself to enter the ... uh, whatever the opposite of Golden Age is. Turd Era?
#4. We're About to Lose Network Neutrality, Which Ruins Competition (Especially for Streamers)
Hey, remember how Netflix's streaming service came out of practically nowhere and dominated the market simply because it was better? Guess what: That can never happen again. If the new Internet laws that are about to come into effect had existed a few years ago, Netflix's idea would have failed faster than you can spell "FCC."
"Yeah, you know me."
To prepare the world for the upcoming Star Wars sequels, Lucasfilm recently announced that it would be officially disintegrating the entire Star Wars expanded universe -- that is, every short story, novel, comic, cartoon, and video game created in the Star Wars universe over the past four decades. Considering the expanded universe is a place populated by green humanoid rabbits and talking mountains, you might not consider this a bad thing. However, there are some storylines in the expanded universe that are so impressively insane that we're honestly kind of sad we will never see them in a film.
#4. The One-Armed Snow Monster from The Empire Strikes Back Comes Back for Vengeance
The wampas are those goat-horned demon ice bears on Hoth, one of which attacks Luke Skywalker and gets its arm sliced off for its trouble (although why Luke doesn't just use his impossible laser sword to completely dismember the monster and spend the night in its cave instead of stumbling back out into the blizzard to nearly die of exposure is a mystery that will never be solved).
"If you make it through this, go study with Master Yoda, as you're clearly still a bit of a dipshit."
Every week or so, we at Cracked get the privilege of shining a light on how shitty real journalists are at double-checking their sources. And thanks to that convenient but dangerous "share" button, half of these news stories made the rounds before anyone thought twice about investigating whether somebody excavated the facts from a bull's colon.
#8. Apple Is Not Making Smart Ear Pods
Most tech rumors exist somewhere in the purgatory between "kind of plausible" and "fucking goofy," but also don't tend to break out to sites like the Guardian until they become official, right?
"Scientists hope to use data to develop cure for dealing with Apple users."
As we've noted previously, unexplained phenomena really do exist. There are things out there that our limited human intellect will simply never be able to comprehend. Unfortunately, these aren't some of them. Once again, here are some "creepy mysteries" we found perfectly logical explanations for, and in an astronomical coincidence, it turns out they're all reeeeally stupid.
#7. The Latest Image of the Loch Ness Monster ... Is a Boat
Have you ever wondered why those who still believe in the ridiculously drawn out urban legend that is the Loch Ness monster don't look for him in satellite images, now that that's a thing anyone with a phone can do? Well, they did try that recently, and- OH SHIT, THERE IT IS.
This Godzilla viral marketing is getting out of hand.