If you had told us 20 years ago that there would come a day when we could buy stuff like movies, clothes, and shipping containers full of Kit Kat bars while sitting on our toilets and without having to talk to a single human being, we would have passed out and not woken up until this wondrous future had arrived. Such is the miracle of Internet shopping.
Unfortunately, online retailers are getting more and more afflicted by the virus known as corporate bullshit, getting to the point where the long lines and sweaty people of the days of yore are looking mighty tempting. For example ...
#4. If You Disagree With Amazon, Your Books Stop Existing
Amazon's dominance over the book market is so complete that it's reaching existential levels: If you have a book, but it isn't on Amazon.com, does it really exist? Some lucky authors are finding out the answer to that question after the rain forest-size retailer had a disagreement with their publisher (Hachette, one of the biggest in the world) and retaliated by unleashing every desperate shopper's worst fear: the "Currently Unavailable" button.
"We originally had a giant middle finger, but parents complained about it being in the children's books section."
For those of us fully immersed in Westeros and the lives of all its inhabitants, it's easy to forget that Game of Thrones' cast members aren't actually the badass men and women they play on TV. Well, it's easier to forget with some actors than others.
"He's just an actor playing a role. He's just an actor playing a role. He's jus-"
They're all regular working-class Joes who've put in their time with some forgettable roles. Fortunately, we haven't forgotten them.
#5. Rory McCann: The Hideous Hound Got Half-Naked for Porridge
If you know the show, you know the Hound had to get tortured by his sadistic brother to become a vicious killing machine (albeit a complete sissy about fire). In fact, he appears to take to water much more, er, swimmingly.
Currently, pot is legal in only two states, but that isn't stopping companies from cramming marijuana into every possible product like the skateboarding older cousin of bacon and ginseng. We've already told you how people are trying to make pot ridiculously fancy, but don't worry -- even if you don't have thousands of dollars to blow on a diamond-studded bong, there will be plenty of affordable weed-infused products for you to enjoy at home, presumably while also smoking weed.
#4. Weed Sex Lube May or May Not Be Good for the Vagina
If you're a woman and you find your lady-bits clamping shut at inappropriate times, Foria Pleasure has a product that promises to open you up like a cannabis flower, or at least make your genitals smell like the inside of a record store.
"Side effects include possibly being forever trapped in the Dove Body Lotion Ad universe."
Recently, online news sites like Mediaite, Russia Today, Metro, and HuffPost shared a hearty point-and-laugh when CNN accidentally posted a troll-made story about an asteroid hitting the Earth in 2041 -- because, you know, it's not like Mediaite, Russia Today, Metro, and HuffPost routinely feed you the made up stories they (and many, many others) fall for on a daily basis. Here are the latest examples, but definitely not the last ones:
#5. The Kid-Scribbled Chinese Passport Is Clearly Not Real
This month, the Internet officially collapsed under the weight of its own "LOLZ CHINA" thanks to this totally legitimate photograph of a man whose passport was defaced by his 4-year-old, causing him to be detained in South Korea:
The kid scrawled on everything except the face (that's a skin condition).