Despite the fact that we are nearly done with the year 2013, there are still some companies that A) think that social media is a thing very few people pay attention to and B) are content to hire teenage interns and/or burgeoning sociopaths to maintain their online presence.
#5. Biology Online Asks a Blogger if She's an "Urban Whore"
Danielle Lee, a biologist who blogs under the handle the Urban Scientist for Scientific American, received an email last month from Biology Online, a science website offering her the irresistible opportunity to write things for them for free. When Lee politely declined, citing that she (like most people) really needs to get paid in exchange for her work, Biology Online oh-so-professionally responded by calling her a whore.
Not an exaggeration. That is literally what they said.
Every year, Black Friday brings us tales of people getting egregiously injured while pursuing rock-bottom bargains that may not actually exist. But the truth is, boring old lines transform normal people into maniacs 365 days of the year. Here are four times people just lost their shit queuing up.
#4. Men Pretend to Be Cops to Skip GTA V Line
On the eve of the release of the beloved tea sandwich simulator Grand Theft Auto V, three guys from Staten Island devised a scheme to cut the 100-person-deep line at their local Best Buy: They would impersonate police officers working security.
John Roman/iStock/Getty Images
Customers thought something was off when they kept threatening to charge people with stars.
Every eatery wants to stand out, and there's no better opportunity than to make your mark on the one day of the year when 60 percent of North America eats like it's a competitive sport.
So yes, we understand the impulse to be innovative, but lately restaurateurs seem to be treating Thanksgiving like some sort of science fair of the damned. And just like The Re-Animator or The Fly, the results are all too often something you'd much rather kill with a flamethrower than put in your mouth ...
#4. Turkey Doughnuts
It's pretty hard to fuck up a doughnut, and yet the eldritch pastry magicians over at Zucker Bakery in New York City have done just that by combining the pastry delights of Hanukkah with the jagged meat helpings of Thanksgiving.
"And so they gave thanks that the one bottle of Pepto-Bismol was able to last for the eight days of diarrhea."
As we've discussed before, the world is much bigger than those yowling marionettes at Disneyland would have us believe. We're still finding new places and things in it, despite having lived around these parts for 200,000 years or so. Every day, science discovers something fascinating in a part of the world that the human race had previously shrugged at and said, "Eh, it's probably just more rocks and shit." For example ...
#4. Scientists Discover a Trove of Untouched Species in Australian "Lost World"
For millions of years, a good chunk of land high in the Cape Melville mountain range of northern Australia has been isolated from the rest of the world, protected from Starbucks and McDonald's moving in and setting up shop by massive boulders and cliffs. No man had set foot there ... until last month, when a handful of scientists and their camera crew went for a stroll and discovered three species that had never been seen before.
Tim Laman/National Geographic
"What a coincidence, we've just discovered a new species, too: Annoyus photographia."