Hey, remember the good old days, when technology's refusal to advance at a rapid enough pace effectively handcuffed all the fun you could have had as a child to a radiator and forced you to play outdoors instead like some kind of freak show? If not, this will help ...
#7. An Entire Duck Hunt Cartridge Could Not Hold Half of One Level of Angry Birds
With a download size of 19.4 MB and 345 levels, a single level of Angry Birds averages out to roughly 440 Kb. There is likely to be some variance, of course. The levels that make you want to hurl your iPhone through a bus window are probably a bit bigger. At any rate, not even half of one those levels could fit on the paltry 192 Kb that held the entirety of the Duck Hunt universe.
Plenty of sites will tell you about all of the great albums that you should be formulating a plan to illicitly download without your Internet Service Provider finding out and telling the RIAA this month. But what about the albums you should avoid? Who speaks to those consumers who just wander into a record store, randomly grab a stack of CDs and bolt out the door with no consideration for what they're purchasing?
Well, for one thing, those people probably don't exist. But if they did, here are the albums they should make a conscious effort to avoid this month.
#4. Big & Rich -- Hillbilly Jedi
That album cover is what happens when a country music duo consults an Internet marketing agency for advice on how to sell records. How Charlie Sheen didn't end up in that picture is beyond us.
This is one of those country groups with a rapper in their entourage. In other words, they're the only country group with a rapper in their entourage. Having secured the fandom of the 15 black people in America who care about country music, this album is an attempt to lock down the 18 or so Star Wars geeks who might share the same passion. Brilliant.
Everyone should have a hobby. Unfortunately, hobbies are like sexual preferences -- you don't get to pick what you're into, you're just born that way. If you were unlucky enough to be born with a passion for something lame, follow the lead of these people and turn your ridiculous pastime into an audacious display of badassery. Kind of like ...
#3. Richard Hamel's Radio-Controlled Dragon
Radio-controlled aircraft are interesting for about 35 seconds; after that, you're just watching a plane fly. Richard Hamel, a plumbing, heating and air-conditioning contractor by trade, found a way to extend that by hundreds of seconds with one simple hack:
Radio-controlled aircraft? BAM! Now it's a fire-breathing radio-controlled aircraft!
Fine, maybe it's not that simple. But it uses a 50,000-volt stun gun circuit wired to a canister of liquid propane to make a flying dragon that you control shoot flames from its mouth, so no amount of work is too much.
We're often reminded of how important it is to respect one's elders, and for the most part, we take this advice to heart. However, there are going to be instances in life where respecting your elders just isn't something that's possible.
Take comedy, for example. If the "respect your elders" doctrine is to be followed to the letter, what we'd be getting ready to do right now is commend the people of old-timey Pompeii for the razor-sharp wit and humor found in these six graffiti drawings. But that's not going to happen, because the truth of the matter is, the people of Pompeii were kind of awful at jokes.
Here are six awkward attempts at comedy from ancient Pompeii ...
#6. "Epaphra, You Are Bald."
Lazy. That's what this sad attempt at humor would be classified as. Epaphra almost certainly knows he's bald already, and while reminding people by writing it on a wall might be a dickish thing to do, it's hardly what anyone would call a clever putdown.