Quick Fixes


September 18, 2012

4 Questions for the (Now Bankrupt) Tupac Hologram Company

By Adam Tod Brown | 301,096 Views

Hey, remember when a hologram of Tupac performed at Coachella this year and it was all anyone could talk about for months afterward? Sure you do. So it might come as a bit of a surprise to know that Digital Domain Media Group, the company behind that technologically dazzling reanimation, has filed for bankruptcy.

Naturally, this brings up a few obvious questions. For starters ...

#4. How in the Hell Did This Happen?

Not since massive Internet buzz failed to turn Snakes on a Plane into the next Titanic has something that succeeded so greatly online managed to fail so dismally in the real world. After the Coachella performance went off without a hitch, rumors swirled about Tupac's hologram maybe going on tour. Seeing as how Dr. Dre reportedly paid upward of $400,000 to make this performance happen, the revenue opportunities should have been limitless. It was a great time to be in the "projecting images of dead stars onto a stage" business. Or so it seemed.

The good old days.

But we're hearing reports that the company knew it was in trouble for months, and now, they've thrown in the towel. It's like Tupac just got shot all over again. Except this time, the circumstances surrounding the death are a total mystery.


September 17, 2012

5 Surprisingly Positive Side Effects of Horrible Diseases

By Rebecca Martinson | 407,974 Views

Every day, millions of people around the world are infected with terrible diseases that permanently change their lives, occasionally bringing them to a sudden end. But sometimes those diseases carry amazing benefits, like when John Travolta got that cancer that gave him superpowers in Phenomenon.

#5. Syphilis Can Get You High

Imagine waking up in bed next to a lingerie-clad bag of flies wielding either a vagina pockmarked with red sores that look like nests for the worms from Tremors or a hate-gnarled penis with a name tag reading "Dr. Syphallus."

Not only do you have syphilis, but you also feel fantastic. This is because syphilis makes you high, duplicating many of cocaine's blessings in exchange for boiling your genitalia. It's like a giant mug of plague-coated coffee. So get up and go, you lucky so-and-so!



September 16, 2012

Why Peyton Manning Is the Steve Jobs of the NFL

By Logan Trent | 111,790 Views

The Indianapolis Colts have just opened the 2012 season with a new starting quarterback, Andrew Luck. Meanwhile, Apple has just shown the iPhone 5 off to the world. Both represent a new beginning in the midst of the loss of two men whose names were synonymous with their respective franchises, Peyton Manning and Steve Jobs.

Now, while the differences between the two men are glaring (namely that God himself could not fit Peyton's Easter Island-esque head through one of Jobs' signature black turtlenecks), their career paths have taken some surprisingly similar turns. For example ...

The Beginning

Peyton Manning

After an abysmal season, the Colts drafted Peyton Manning with the first overall pick of the 1998 NFL draft. Their faith in his abilities was rewarded when he obliterated several rookie records during his inaugural season, laying the groundwork for the years of success that would lie ahead for the Indianapolis Colts.

He still holds the record for most pretentious-looking rookie cards.


September 15, 2012

Al-Qaida's No. 2: The Easiest Kill in Terrorism

By Luis Prada | 187,550 Views

Forget Deadliest Catch, Ax Men and Ice Road Truckers -- whichever cable channel wants to reign supreme by creating the ultimate show about dangerous professions should toss a camera crew and a coked-out producer into some Afghani caves to film the exploits and inevitable death of al-Qaida's second in command. Over the past few years, that job has planted itself firmly atop the list of professions that most resemble being the drummer in Spinal Tap.