Quick Fixes


July 19, 2012

4 IMDb Pages for Upcoming Movies We Already Hate

By David Christopher Bell | 312,523 Views

These days, if a film executive so much as uses the words "Smurf" and "sequel" in the same sentence, IMDb will have information about that very idea posted on their site mere moments later. And that's great, because it gives us an early heads-up as to what movies we should be hating in the near future. Here are a few ...

#4. Untitled International Suspense Thriller


July 17, 2012

10 Minutes After the End of 'The Matrix' Trilogy

By Luke McKinney | 271,381 Views

Morpheus and the Architect stand behind the lectern in a packed White House press room. Morpheus addresses the crowd.

"People, hear me! You are all living in a vast simulation, a prison for your mind two centuries in your future. I am here to tell you that everything is controlled by evil machines! I am here to tell you that you are now free! I am here, and feel I should add that I am not crazy!"

Murmuring from the crowd indicates that nobody believes any of this. Especially the last part. The Architect sighs, and addresses the crowd.

"What he says is true. This is a simulation." Everyone in the Matrix suddenly spends five seconds in their goo tank before returning to the Matrix. Millions are violently sick. More people swear about never wanting to go through that again. Morpheus faces the crowd with his cool mirrored shades, the worst possible thing to be wearing when you're asking people to trust you.


July 16, 2012

The Most Unintentionally Sexist Attempt to Empower Women

By Ajay Kumar | 304,292 Views

The European Commission has a problem. First of all, they're being featured in a Cracked article despite nobody here being anything more than vaguely familiar with the organization. That means this entire piece is destined to be filled with half-truths and misinformation. On top of that, they've been tasked with getting women interested in science despite clearly having no working knowledge of how to appeal to women.

As part of their campaign to make Bunsen burners and beakers appeal to broads, the EC released a new promotional video called "Science: It's a Girl Thing!" It opens with a stereotypically model-esque male scientist caught totally off guard ...


July 15, 2012

The Country Starlet Who Stole Her Big Hit Off a Crack Addict

By Adam Tod Brown | 185,589 Views

Hard work is for dummies. That's why we like to take time out of our busy schedule once in a while to spotlight those men and women who get shit done the right way ... by stealing other people's work and passing it off as their own.

The Defendant: Miranda Lambert