Quick Fixes

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November 08, 2012

3 Astounding Works of Art Made of Water

By Kier Harris | 234,549 Views

Water is a life-giving natural resource that is cripplingly precious in many areas of the world. As such, it is the duty of First World nations to dump it out like that bottle of Steel Reserve you found a mouse foot in to make delightful moving artwork for the upper middle class to enjoy.

#3. The Osaka Station City Picture Fountain

Arch20.com, Vimeo

You'd have trouble throwing pennies into the fountain at Osaka Station City in Japan, unless you're the type of person who likes throwing rocks through windows, in which case you would have absolutely no trouble throwing pennies into the fountain at Osaka Station City in Japan. You see, the fountain is a vertical wall, a sort of programmed waterfall run by software that releases controlled droplets in formations that create pictures, words and a time display -- virtually any two-dimensional image. The end result looks like the cascading tears of a giant wish troll:

VideoFunStation, Youtube
It's just a matter of time before someone programs this thing to play Mario.

Every image in the fountain seems lifted from the victory screen of a Japanese video game, complete with phrases written puzzlingly in English.

Article

November 07, 2012

The 'Friends' Where Phoebe Is Almost Killed by Porn Barons

By Steve Erdal | 278,591 Views

There is an episode in the sixth season of Friends where Phoebe and Rachel's apartment catches fire. But we're never really told what caused the blaze. Was it Phoebe's candles? Was it an effigy some noble intruder burned to forever curse Jennifer Aniston's box office appeal? Was it Matthew Perry's smoldering crack pipe?

In truth, none of the above. We submit that the fire was actually caused by vengeful porn barons.

OK, stay with us here: We know from a previous episode that Phoebe's sister Ursula does porn using Phoebe's name instead of her own. At the end of that episode, Phoebe goes to the porn company (sort of like The Electric Company, if every word they spelled was "Knuckle") and picks up all of the checks Ursula earned in Phoebe's name, which we learn from this bit of dialogue with Lost in Space's Matt LeBlanc:

Article

November 06, 2012

9 Non-Political Issues That Divide American Voters

By Anita Serwacki | 289,419 Views

We must accept that this nation will remain hopelessly polarized until the day when a plague of antifungal-resistant ringworm makes everyone far too itchy to form and retain opinions. While the news media tend to focus on our rape-baby-based disagreements, the rifts are deeper and far more fundamental than that.

The only way to truly figure out why Obama and Romney voters exist on such separate sides of the political dance floor is to drill down into their most cherished preferences and desires.

Cracked investigates what makes these morons -- who will put on pants and go vote even though it doesn't matter because we all know that the president is a preselected extraterrestrial reptile -- tick.

Article

November 06, 2012

The 6 Most Baffling Trends in 2012 Election Propaganda

By Luis Prada, Trevor Schilingheyde | 255,373 Views

Malevolent governments used to make propaganda. Now, citizens do it all on their own with the help of Photoshop and terrible jokes. Whoever makes a meme of politicians probably thinks their 'shopped picture is going to hammer the final nail into the coffin of someone's political career. It never does.

#6. Batman Villains

Most politicians are dead-eyed piles of flesh in suits who would be more inspiring on bus bench real estate ads than on money. Batman villains are rogue badasses with impeccable style, supreme confidence and superhuman intelligence. So when someone Photoshops Mitt Romney or Barack Obama to look like Bane ...

normanricky, Know Your Meme

Molly, Mama Pop
"Let's see what breaks first, America. Your respect for the electoral process or your ability to tolerate your Facebook feed."

... they're proving what all of our Facebook feeds proved this Halloween: Everyone looks badass wearing Bane's mask.

The same goes for painting up a politician to look like the Joker:

Obama goes from looking like a supermarket regional manager to looking like that dude who made a pencil disappear in a gangster's head.