It's been 10 years since Apple launched the iPod, and with it, an entirely new way to listen to music. People can now carry their entire music collection in their pocket, and with sites like Last.fm and Spotify, the songs they listen to can be posted instantly to the social networking sites of their choosing. It's like the process of some music snob cornering you at a party to ask if you've heard of their third favorite German techno band has been completely automated and updated for the 21st century.
But what are you really sharing when you post your playlists online? You might be surprised to learn that you're revealing a lot more about yourself than you intended when you give people a song-by-song account of what you listen to.
For example ...
White People With Acoustic Covers of Hip-Hop:
What They Want People to Think:
They like it when an artist is able to put their own unique spin on a genre that's outside their comfort zone.
Even on a purely audio level, they find black people intimidating.
Single Men With John Mayer Songs
What They Want People to Think:
I have a sensitive side, too, ladies.
That's why I'll wait until the second chorus before asking, "What if we got a little more comfortable?"
News broke last weekend that legendary rap collective the Wu-Tang Clan will portray themselves in an upcoming film based on the life of their fallen comrade, Ol' Dirty Bastard. Awesomely, the lead role will be played by Michael K. Williams, who you probably know by his real name, which is "Omar from The Wire."
If you see the resemblance, you're probably racist.
Sounds like an alright plan to us, but only on one condition: It's going to have to be a superhero movie. There's way too much moral ambiguity in the Ol' Dirty Bastard story to play it any other way. And besides, the formula totally fits.
Here are five reasons why Ol' Dirty Bastard makes an ideal superhero.
Being married to James Marsden is the number one cause of infidelity in movies. In fact, cheating on the blandly handsome actor appears to be right up there with accepting a $1 million bribe from Robert Redford on the spectrum of adultery we'll let female characters get away with. All this despite the fact that he is usually objectively superior to the other guy in all of the categories that women usually find worth marrying and not cheating on. For instance ...
#5. The X-Men Series
James Marsden Is Married To: Jean Grey, played by a delightful Famke Janssen.
Why She Married Him: He's dashingly handsome, a strong field general in a time of war and a good husband. Also, he saves her life.
How She Repays Him: Kisses Wolverine, who repeatedly calls James Marsden "a dick," returns from the grave to kill James Marsden and make out with Wolverine again.
What He Did Wrong: Bad hair? It steadily improves over the course of the three films, but still ...
#4. Superman Returns
James Marsden Is Married To: Lois Lane.
Why She Married Him: Handsome. Loving father. Awesome, fearless pilot. Not an alien. Flies plane through hellish conditions to save her and her ex-boyfriend's life.
How She Repays Him: Continues flirtation with Superman. In a Jerry Springer-level act of jerkistry, doesn't tell James Marsden he's raising Superman's baby.
What He Did Wrong: He just doesn't understand how emotionally trying it is to go through withdrawal from Superman's dick.
How do you take something boring and make it seem hip and cool? That's a question advertisers have been struggling with since the dawn of commercials. It's also a question that's led to some of the most egregious television commercial blunders of all time.
It was probably the question of making the uncool into something cool that plagued the makers of this PSA from the 1990s:
It's about voter registration. It stars Spider-Man, because if there's any group you want voting on important issues, it's people who are easily swayed by fictional spokesmen.
Let's take a look at a few of the ways this idea went horribly wrong ...