This image, which seems to be a webcam still from the exact second a gravitational singularity formed behind a smug young Asian man's face, is actually from a "video tech demo for facial substitution." And if you think that sounds like politically correct jargon for "robots ripping your face off," then, holy shit, we wish you were right. Because this is way more existentially disturbing:
With the next presidential election fast approaching, we're about to see a massive influx of people trying to get the word out about the candidate or issue of their choosing. You will most often see them clutching a clipboard and pleading with you to sign their petition. No matter what side of the party line you've planted your flag on, there's one thing we can all agree on -- these people must be avoided at all costs.
Here are a few classic petition wielder avoidance tactics that, inevitably, each and every one of us will turn to, no matter how ridiculous it makes us look ...
#5. The Meat Shield
As you approach the unavoidable petitioner, you'll see them gearing up to assault you with friendliness and "just a moment of your time for a worthy cause." Before they get the chance, seize the person nearest to you and engage them in conversation. Ask for the time, a dollar for the bus or their opinion on the complexities of Obama's health care plan and look completely engaged until you're out of the danger zone. Don't worry about them thinking you're crazy -- they're probably using you as a meat shield, too.