With the next presidential election fast approaching, we're about to see a massive influx of people trying to get the word out about the candidate or issue of their choosing. You will most often see them clutching a clipboard and pleading with you to sign their petition. No matter what side of the party line you've planted your flag on, there's one thing we can all agree on -- these people must be avoided at all costs.
Here are a few classic petition wielder avoidance tactics that, inevitably, each and every one of us will turn to, no matter how ridiculous it makes us look ...
#5. The Meat Shield
As you approach the unavoidable petitioner, you'll see them gearing up to assault you with friendliness and "just a moment of your time for a worthy cause." Before they get the chance, seize the person nearest to you and engage them in conversation. Ask for the time, a dollar for the bus or their opinion on the complexities of Obama's health care plan and look completely engaged until you're out of the danger zone. Don't worry about them thinking you're crazy -- they're probably using you as a meat shield, too.
Hey, remember the good old days, when technology's refusal to advance at a rapid enough pace effectively handcuffed all the fun you could have had as a child to a radiator and forced you to play outdoors instead like some kind of freak show? If not, this will help ...
#7. An Entire Duck Hunt Cartridge Could Not Hold Half of One Level of Angry Birds
With a download size of 19.4 MB and 345 levels, a single level of Angry Birds averages out to roughly 440 Kb. There is likely to be some variance, of course. The levels that make you want to hurl your iPhone through a bus window are probably a bit bigger. At any rate, not even half of one those levels could fit on the paltry 192 Kb that held the entirety of the Duck Hunt universe.
Plenty of sites will tell you about all of the great albums that you should be formulating a plan to illicitly download without your Internet Service Provider finding out and telling the RIAA this month. But what about the albums you should avoid? Who speaks to those consumers who just wander into a record store, randomly grab a stack of CDs and bolt out the door with no consideration for what they're purchasing?
Well, for one thing, those people probably don't exist. But if they did, here are the albums they should make a conscious effort to avoid this month.
#4. Big & Rich -- Hillbilly Jedi
That album cover is what happens when a country music duo consults an Internet marketing agency for advice on how to sell records. How Charlie Sheen didn't end up in that picture is beyond us.
This is one of those country groups with a rapper in their entourage. In other words, they're the only country group with a rapper in their entourage. Having secured the fandom of the 15 black people in America who care about country music, this album is an attempt to lock down the 18 or so Star Wars geeks who might share the same passion. Brilliant.