Quick Fixes

Article

October 06, 2012

The 6 Stupidest Things You Can Pay People to Do for You

By XJ Selman | 288,684 Views

In awful economic times like these, it's important that we still set a little cash aside to waste on completely superfluous bullshit. After all, there are people out there whose continued ability to pay their bills depends on our willingness to part with our hard-earned money on frivolous nonsense. Don't believe us? Check out these ridiculous companies that, for just a little bit of that paycheck you work so very hard for, will perform worthless tasks on your behalf. Such as ...

#6. Be Your Wingman

Getty

Having trouble landing a woman at the bar? Tired of going home alone after a long night of "Hey bartender, send a few drinks to the table over there, on me," just to get strange looks? Worry no longer, because services are popping up that allow you to hire women to act as your wingman; that is, if you're willing to spend $72 an hour.

In Boston, you can hire sexy women from Hire A Boston WingWoman to go out with you to the bars to help you pick up other sexy women. Because if there's one thing we all know to be true, it's that the best relationships are built on a foundation of lies.

Article

October 05, 2012

4 Actors Who Went Through Physical Torture for Stupid Movies

By C. Coville | 511,261 Views

Critics and viewers alike have long expressed admiration for actors who achieve physical transformations to prepare for movie roles. Think of Natalie Portman getting into ballerina shape for Black Swan, or Tom Hardy gaining muscle and cutting off part of his face to play Bane in The Dark Knight Rises. But what about actors who do this for movies that turn out to be absolutely terrible? For example:

#4. Jared Leto

In 2007, Jared Leto put on 60 pounds for his starring role in Chapter 27, a film about the fat dude who shot John Lennon. In the process, he managed to give himself gout. Near the end of shooting, the guy was in so much pain from the shock weight gain that he "couldn't walk for long distances" and had to use a wheelchair. Oh, and in case you're thinking that at least he got to let himself go and eat a bunch of delicious food, note that he did it by stuffing himself with melted ice cream laced with olive oil and soy sauce.

The Result

Chapter 27 got a whopping 18 percent on Rotten Tomatoes and earned $56,000 at the U.S. box office on a budget of about $5 million.

Article

October 04, 2012

4 Mysterious Song Titles With Perfectly Stupid Explanations

By Mike Floorwalker | 373,226 Views

Sometimes a snappy title can be the difference between a hit song and a classic. "Stairway to Heaven" might not have been quite as memorable if it had been titled "Ed's Garage," for example.

Often it seems like musicians just pulled a cool combination of words out of a hat, and that's fine -- artists are allowed to be abstract and weird. It just kind of blows when you find out that the cool combination of words actually does mean something, and it is something really simple ... or even just kind of stupid.

#4. "Hair of the Dog" by Nazareth

If you don't think you've ever heard this song, it's only because you've always thought it was called, "Now you're messin' with a SON OF A BITCH!!!"


And yes, "Son of a Bitch" was Nazareth's intended title for both the song and the album. The record company said (fuck) no, so they just made a bad pun on their title. "Hair (Heir) of the Dog." Get it?

Article

October 03, 2012

Election's Top Issue: Whether or Not to Eat Wang-Shaped Food

By Adam Tod Brown | 98,327 Views

Mitt Romney just made the shrewdest move of the entire campaign so far. You probably heard about his highly publicized trip to a Chipotle, where he took the kind of picture that wins our hearts, if not elections ...

Gawker
Yep, that's a Chipotle!

But in the arms-race-like frenzy to win the "Crazy-Eyed Chipotle Guy" meme ...

Imgur
The winner, for the record.

... people seem to have missed the strategic masterstroke found in this quote from Romney:

"I usually get the burrito. I think I'll go for the bowl today. That's a good idea."

Holy shit, Mitt, stop being modest. That's not a "good" idea, it's a great idea. In fact, it's an idea that helped Mitt Romney just narrowly avoid a campaign trail disaster that has befallen so many politicians before. We're speaking, of course, about eating food that kind of looks like a dick.

For example, Barack Obama eats more hot dogs ...

NBCNews

... than any public figure since Babe Ruth ...

Breitbart.com