Races are supposed to be fun (we guess), or at the very least they aren't supposed to kill you, so you're free to have fun after completing them. These races, however, make no such promises in either department.
#5. Tough Mudder
Tough Mudder is a 10- to 12-mile obstacle course designed by the British Special Forces for the sole purpose of beating your ass for charity. The obstacles can vary from location to location (our favorite is the "turd's nest," which we assume refers to when a McDonald's employee loses her hair weave in the toilet), but some of the standard ones include running through fire:
Falling off of greased monkey bars into freezing water:
Somehow, this is a contest.
Prisoners improvising weapons out of everyday objects like sociopathic MacGyvers are a staple of every movie that takes place inside a prison. However, real inmates aren't limited to just the sharpened toothbrushes and Nicolas Cage fleshmasks Hollywood gives them credit for.
#9. Melted Chocolate
Some prisoners melt down chocolate bars and throw the boiling hot confection over their enemies, which sticks like napalm and causes severe burns. We figure this must have been an idea the killer from Se7en kicked around during his gluttony planning phase.
At least you'll be a delicious burn victim.
As we've previously discussed, there are people out there who exploit legal loopholes in ways so blatant and hilarious that they seem like scripted headlines from The Onion.
#4. Selling Illegal Light Bulbs as Heaters
In Europe, it is illegal to sell any light bulb over 60 watts, effectively placing a continent-wide ban on bright light (getting wet and eating after midnight are presumably also forbidden).
Stubbing-related fatalities have soared.
A German entrepreneur named Siegfried Rotthaeuser, keen to cash in on the light bulb demand, decided that since 75- and 100-watt bulbs output 95 percent heat and only 5 percent actual light, they could technically be imported and distributed as heaters. This is the same thing as selling a Toyota Camry as four chairs or a Magic Mike DVD as a feminine wipe.
Incredibly, his idea worked, and Rotthaeuser's disturbingly named yet perfectly legal "heatballs" have sold by the thousands.
The sweaty, sweaty thousands.