Quick Fixes


January 16, 2013

3 Medical Breakthroughs Discovered By Terrible Doctors

By James Spedding | 289,340 Views

Despite a physician's solemn duty to do no harm, total disregard for a patient's safety and continued existence have occasionally proved to be the missing ingredients in significant medical breakthroughs.

#3. Leprosy Is Treated With a Drug That Causes Birth Defects

Leprosy is the closest people get to becoming zombies without actually eating anyone. Not only does it rot your flesh from your bones like old lettuce, it is also so painful that it relieves you of the burden of getting any sleep, because once the universe decides to make you a leper, it doesn't want you to miss a single minute of it.

"Oh yeah, you've gotta be awake for this."


January 15, 2013

4 People Who Blew Their One Moment in the Spotlight

By Luis Prada | 509,104 Views

Some people's entire lives work toward just one moment in the spotlight. That was true for these four people, and hilariously, they blew it in grand fashion.

#4. Tsunemi Kubodera, Giant Squid Hunter

The giant squid used to be right up there with Bigfoot, the Chupacabra, and unicorns on the list of beasts we've always been assured were real by various wackos and nutjobs, but it's not anymore, because someone found that shit. A zoologist from Japan named Tsunemi Kubodera, to be exact. He scored the ultimate prize by filming one in its natural habitat. And this wasn't by dumb luck. He'd captured footage of the elusive beast before, but never alive and frolicking around in the comforts of its own deep sea home.

"Wipe your feet first, goddamn barbarians."


January 14, 2013

5 Changes That Would Make the Game Monopoly More Accurate

By Cyriaque Lamar | 327,132 Views

In a ploy that is bound to enrage wheelbarrow enthusiasts worldwide, Monopoly manufacturer Hasbro has recently announced that they are axing one of the eight longtime game tokens in favor of a new piece: a cat.

A cat with an IQ of 300 who knows how to purchase vacant lots in Atlantic City.

Well, Hasbro hasn't officially chosen a new piece, but the selection process relies on Internet voting, so of course it's going to be the goddamn cat. Also, there are no write-in candidates, much to the chagrin of some.



January 14, 2013

4 Reasons Pokemon Is the Scariest Alien Invasion Story Ever

By Jonathan Wojcik | 472,477 Views

The Pokemon world seems like a fun place to be, with all those friendly mutant animals willing to suffer for your entertainment. However, when we consider the evidence, Pokemon seems awfully similar to movies like The Thing and Invasion of the Body Snatchers, with a little of that black shit from Prometheus drizzled on top for good measure -- all of those adorable Pokemon could very well be mutated forms of the same alien organism, one that systematically assimilates and replaces normal life forms with horrific copies bent on taking over the world.

#4. Pokemon Imitate and Destroy Natural Species

The Pokemon world resembles Earth, except the ecosystem is crazy and horrible. Instead of several thousand species of jellyfish, for example, several thousand species of tentacool dominate the seas. A tentacool is similar to a jellyfish, only it has more superpowers than the entire Justice League, so any mild-mannered jellyfish that may have once existed were crushed into extinction long ago.

When "destroyed all jellyfish" is the first line of your resume, it doesn't really need to say anything else.