Quick Fixes


November 28, 2012

10 Celebrity Twitter Accounts We Lost in 2012

By Karl Smallwood | 290,026 Views

2012 saw the Internet popularity contest Twitter lose many of its famous users. These celebrity departures resulted in a shameful number of people giving a shit.

#10. Chris Brown

Chris Brown, who is most famous for beating the shit out of a woman, unceremoniously quit Twitter this past weekend after threatening to beat the shit out of a woman. After getting into a heated exchange with comedian Jenny Johnson, in which he declared his intention to shit in her mouth and retina, he bizarrely repeated the phrase "carpe diem" and abruptly deleted his account. Somebody should probably explain to him that "carpe diem" means "seize the day" and not "Ha ha I win, let's go bite and strangle a 21-year-old girl."

Steve Granitz / Getty
Chris Brown, seen here with a bunch of pubic hair glued to his face.


November 28, 2012

4 Reasons Why Fair Trade Coffee Is a Scam

By Gregory Myers | 276,990 Views

Coffee is the second most valuable resource exported from poor and/or developing countries (Angelina Jolie's children being the first). Thus the Fair Trade model was established, which is supposed to pay coffee growers a set "fair trade" price if they meet labor and production standards. The idea was to prevent them from being exploited, but the reality is that in practice, Fair Trade just makes exploitation easier.

#4. Growers Are Paid Very Little for Fair Trade Coffee

The FLO (Fairtrade Labelling Organizations International) sets a floor price of $1.40 per pound of coffee, which is supposed to be a "higher than market" price, but is actually hardly more than what growers were being paid to begin with. This is like assuring an employee that she will be earning more than the $7.25 minimum wage entitles her to, and then only paying her $7.26 and a lollipop.

In many cases, growers can make three or even four times as much per pound if they don't sell within their Fair Trade contracts. This is like a Blockbuster clerk being able to earn more cash if he just takes all the videos home and charges admission to his living room.

Mauricio Duenas / Getty
"A man's gotta make a living. Horse college ain't free."


November 27, 2012

The 4 Least Anticipated Movies of December 2012

By Tom Reimann | 364,534 Views

Hollywood dumps an entire summer's worth of wannabe blockbusters into December, so it's tough to tell which ones are good, which ones are terrible and which ones are bizarre Robert Zemeckis cartoons featuring dead-eyed replicants of Tom Hanks and Jim Carrey. Here are the movies you should probably avoid this month.

#4. Dino Time 3D

The trailer for Dino Time 3D looks like the fake movie that gets interrupted to remind everyone in the theater to silence their cellphones. We kept expecting Hulk Hogan to stand up in the middle of it, crush his popcorn and threaten to beat the shit out of the gremlins in the projection booth. Also, Rob Schneider is exactly as funny as the lust murder from Se7en, so taking your kids to see this would probably be about as enjoyable as paying a gout-footed hobo $40 to grab you by the ears and scream into your open mouth.


November 27, 2012

Does Green Day Have a Yoko Ono Problem?

By Adam Tod Brown | 241,935 Views

Billie Joe Armstrong is in rehab. You know that because we mentioned it here a few weeks ago and this is where you come to get news. That's a questionable choice. We just don't know how else to say it.

Speaking of questionable choices, we have our suspicions that Billie Joe Armstrong's recent stint in rehab is the result of a scourge that has plagued so many bands before. It's with much concern that we report: Green Day may have a Yoko Ono problem.