Skyfall took in $90 million in its opening weekend, making all 22 other films in the series look like homemade Boba Fett costumes on deviantART.
This is terrible news.
You see, Bond films tend to do really well in times of economic crisis. Conversely, if we're all rolling in piles of money, 007 is left battling the cold indifference of empty movie theaters, in addition to vaguely racist megalomaniacs and women named Pussy. This is arguably because James Bond was specifically designed to appeal to people enduring serious economic hardships, sort of like NASCAR.
We have some terrible news, Omega.
After learning that Yellowstone was a supervolcano (one capable of essentially exploding into an eruption thousands of times larger than that of a mild-mannered, glasses-wearing volcano), geologists were rightly curious about how many other apocalyptic magma cannons had been built over by oblivious engineers, resort planners and goat-footed Hollywood directors. The answer is at least six.
#6. A Secret Weapons Lab
The Los Alamos National Laboratory, which housed the development of the Manhattan Project, was built almost directly above a supervolcano dubbed Valles Caldera (presumably so if the atomic bomb turned out to be a failure, we would still get to see something explode). Despite its age (1 to 2 million years), the volcano is still showing subterranean activity, which, despite sounding like a compliment you would pay a septuagenarian who can get an erection without having to take beta blockers and change his underpants, means that the thing could technically erupt at any given time.
Witold Skrypczak / Getty
Silent but world-breaking.
Something you see with unfortunate frequency around times of high political contention are otherwise legitimate sites and publications taking the bait and turning a bullshit story into headline news. Case in point: this absurd story about states filing petitions to secede from the union in the wake of last Tuesday's election.