The "special features" on DVDs just don't seem that special anymore. At one point, just having a menu seemed pretty novel. Nowadays, we get bloopers, deleted scenes and Arnold Schwarzenegger babbling like a boxcar tramp. We're so spoiled by these bells and whistles that we forget that humanity had to rewind its movies a dog's lifetime ago.
"Can we, like, hollow those out and fill them with flash drives?"
You probably didn't even realize it because no one was talking about it on Facebook or anything, but Wednesday was 12/12/12, or "Dia de tres docenas," as it's called by absolutely no one. History has proven that same-digit dates and benefit concerts taste delicious together, so with the victims of Hurricane Sandy sorely in need of philanthropic rock, some of the biggest names in music came together to play songs for a good cause.
Of course, like any other event that collects as many famous people as possible under one roof, the overall heartwarming and positive vibe of the night was often interrupted by moments of top shelf celebrity buffoonery. Here are a few of those moments.
#3. Kurt Cobain Was a No-Show at the "Nirvana Reunion"
If the news is to be believed, the United States is currently mired in two wars -- the War on Women and the War on Christmas. Well, three and a half or four if you count the Middle East, but let's focus on the big one, the War on Christmas. That phrase feels like it's only been around for a few years, but if you dig through history a bit, you'll find that people taking shots at Santa and his ilk is nothing new.
Here are three moments from the War on Christmas from before you knew it was a thing.
#3. Teddy Roosevelt Prohibits Christmas Trees at the White House
Whether you're a fan of it or not, Christmas is a big deal. It's the kind of thing you generally know is coming, even if you're not particularly interested in its various trappings. Now, imagine if a sitting president just "forgot" Christmas. That exact thing happened in 1902 ... sort of.
According to this story, there was no Christmas tree in the Roosevelt White House that year, and to hear the news outlets tell it, the culprit was an absent-minded president who just plain forgot to order one. If that article had a comment section, it would be littered with people calling bullshit. No way does the president order his own tree.
He hunts it.
So you're hanging out with friends, and none of you have any idea how to hold a conversation any longer. Someone says "Oh, have you seen that hilarious YouTube video of [thing you've never heard of] doing [completely uninteresting activity]?" You admit that you haven't, so of course you'll have to watch it now. Chances are that the person showing you the video will be one of these ...
#5. The Precursor
The Precursor reels you in by telling you that there's this hilarious parody video of Justin Bieber that really "gets it" (although to be fair, every video of Justin Bieber is a parody video of Justin Bieber). You're all for things that "get it," and having absolutely nothing better to do with your time, you agree to watch.
"If he takes his pants off, I'm out of here."