You may have noticed that guns have been in the news lately, and you can't talk guns without hearing from the NRA. And that seems fair -- sure, the NRA is a bit crazy at times, but gun owners deserve to have their voices heard.
But it turns out that the NRA is about as representative of gun owners as Mario games are of Italians. So the next time you hear them suggesting that we put Punisher wannabes in every school, keep in mind that ...
#3. The NRA Doesn't Represent Most Gun Owners
The NRA claims to have around 4.5 million members, which sounds impressive until you consider that there are an estimated 50 million gun owners in America, and that's not counting the ones who scared pollsters off their lawns with shotguns. In other words, about 90 percent of gun owners aren't in the NRA. The Quiznos loyalty card program probably has a better subscription rate than that.
Peel A Deal
Although you're more likely to be killed by this than a gun.
Pope Benedict XVI recently resigned from his position as head of the Catholic church, we assume by storming purposefully into Jesus' office and handing in his badge and gun. The papacy is a lifetime gig, leaving many people confused as to why he would suddenly have the gall to quit without dying. Honestly, we're curious why more popes haven't stepped down, because if you think about it, a lifetime appointment to any job (papal or otherwise) would be pretty goddamn horrible.
#4. You Would Be Forced to Work With Assholes
Think of any job you've ever worked at. Odds are there was at least one motherfucker there that you absolutely could not stand. Now imagine having to deal with that person every single day for the rest of your life.
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"The best part of my job is hearing about my co-worker's strokes."
Last week, a prankster hijacked the Twitter account for Burger King, claiming that the fast food chain was sold to McDonald's due to employees' drug-fueled shenanigans. This sale would've made sense, as psychedelic freakouts have historically been the Golden Arches' bailiwick.
You see that unwashed dwarf? He's where the Shamrock Shakes come from.
Here are four movies being released this March that you should avoid even wandering drunkenly into on St. Patrick's Day, because they won't simply kill your buzz -- they will burn your buzz's house down with its family trapped inside.
#4. InAPPropriate Comedy