Over the past several days, the Internet has exploded with a study that "proves" diet soda is as bad for your teeth as methamphetamine and crack cocaine. And these headlines splattered all across the Internet are shockingly distressing. "Drinking a few cans of Mr. Pibb Zero?" pondered sites like CBS and FOX News. "Well, heavens to Betsy, you might as well be freebasing until your jaw melts off!"
Or stealing copper to buy your weekly 12-pack.
It seems like whenever you check the news, yet another cruise ship is either losing power, on fire, or en route to Davy Jones' Locker. Nonetheless, vacationers have few qualms about boarding these heaving pleasure vessels.
Sure, Carnival is charging rates normally reserved for motels that specialize in crack cocaine transactions just to fill rooms after the Triumph turned into a stool-logged hellhole this past February, but people aren't deterred. 21 million passengers this year will take a spin on one of these floating poop Hoovervilles in the making.
Frank Perry / AFP / Getty
"If you know a faster way to get salmonella, we'd love to hear it."
Marvel Studios has taken a bunch of moldy old comic book characters that aren't Batman and managed to turn them into a billion-dollar industry. Most of this success seems to stem from the "cut and paste" method of filmmaking, because there are some weirdly specific situations that keep showing up in all their movies.
#5. Iron Man and Captain America Have Mentors That May as Well Be the Same Person
Tony Stark wakes up in a cave swarming with terrorists and meets a guy called Yinsen, a scientist who has been taken prisoner. Steve Rogers meets a German called Dr. Erksine, a scientist working as a researcher for the U.S. military during World War II. As far as we can tell, these roles were played by the same actor.
"We come six to a pack at Costco."
Being a teenager is hands down the worst of the human larval stages -- you have no rights, you have tons of responsibilities, and your own genitals are trying to kill you. On top of that, you have the emotional awareness of a cat. It's a fucking nightmare.
And if there was ever a perfect hub for all of those teenage struggles, it would be that iconic first car. It covers all the bases of growing up -- it's a symbol of responsibilities and freedom, parental worry, money, and obtaining popularity, and most of all, it's a place to screw discretionarily. The ability to drive, or share a car with friends, is a pivotal rite of passage for most.
That's why it only makes sense that teenagers would be the ones to invent the perfect metaphor for adolescent struggle -- as well as modern youth culture -- in the form of a car.