With shows like House of Cards and the much-ballyhooed new season of Arrested Development hitting Netflix, streaming video has begun challenging TV as the world's go-to source for episodic movie-novels. Which is great news, because television is an annoying, bureaucracy-crazed dinosaur of a system, like a diplodocus that makes you take a urine test! And something as futuristic as streaming would never, ever end up turning into something as bass-ackwards as TV, right?
Well, yeah, it will. And the worst part is it's completely inevitable, because ...
#5. We'll Still Have Separate TV Channels (Only More Expensive)
The biggest reason Netflix became so popular was that it had all your favorite shows in one place, for one fee! No more tracking shows across different channels, or having to hire another service whenever a new kickass series sta-
Over the past several days, the Internet has exploded with a study that "proves" diet soda is as bad for your teeth as methamphetamine and crack cocaine. And these headlines splattered all across the Internet are shockingly distressing. "Drinking a few cans of Mr. Pibb Zero?" pondered sites like CBS and FOX News. "Well, heavens to Betsy, you might as well be freebasing until your jaw melts off!"
Or stealing copper to buy your weekly 12-pack.
It seems like whenever you check the news, yet another cruise ship is either losing power, on fire, or en route to Davy Jones' Locker. Nonetheless, vacationers have few qualms about boarding these heaving pleasure vessels.
Sure, Carnival is charging rates normally reserved for motels that specialize in crack cocaine transactions just to fill rooms after the Triumph turned into a stool-logged hellhole this past February, but people aren't deterred. 21 million passengers this year will take a spin on one of these floating poop Hoovervilles in the making.
Frank Perry / AFP / Getty
"If you know a faster way to get salmonella, we'd love to hear it."
Marvel Studios has taken a bunch of moldy old comic book characters that aren't Batman and managed to turn them into a billion-dollar industry. Most of this success seems to stem from the "cut and paste" method of filmmaking, because there are some weirdly specific situations that keep showing up in all their movies.
#5. Iron Man and Captain America Have Mentors That May as Well Be the Same Person
Tony Stark wakes up in a cave swarming with terrorists and meets a guy called Yinsen, a scientist who has been taken prisoner. Steve Rogers meets a German called Dr. Erksine, a scientist working as a researcher for the U.S. military during World War II. As far as we can tell, these roles were played by the same actor.
"We come six to a pack at Costco."