In an outrageous attack on the privacy of the National Security Agency, last week ex-security contractor Edward Snowden leaked -- among many things -- a super secret court order in which the NSA asked to obtain millions of phone records from American Verizon customers. So the government not only knows you've been calling Rudy's Dildo Palace three times a day, but also knows how much time you've spent there, thanks to your phone's GPS tracker. Is nothing sacred anymore?
But as anyone who's ever relied on their significant other for rides to work knows, we'll probably have to forgive the government for this. However, we really shouldn't -- even though the sex is great, the fact is that this scandal is worse than you probably think, because ...
#4. There's Nothing Remotely Illegal About It (and That's Bad)
Like anything with the word "scandal" attached, the first question on everyone's mind always is "Who's going to jail for this?" Well, you can take those truTV-watchin' pajama pants off, because there's no single person taking the rap for this one ... since technically no one did anything wrong.
Andrea Chu/Digital Vision/Getty Images
"Here's to institutional sociopathy!"
"... but with less ball-grabbing."
In general, if you're able to utterly destroy an animal with a half-hearted kick or a lazy uppercut, it probably doesn't pose much of a threat. However, these four seemingly harmless creatures have recently begun waging psychological warfare on humanity, and we have no idea why.
#4. A Goat Has Been Terrorizing a Small Town
Anyone who's been to a petting zoo knows exactly why goats are associated with the devil. A simple bag of oats is enough to make them bulldoze a 3-year-old in less than a second like a coked-out tidal wave.
But in the streets of Londrina, Brazil, one goat has decided to forgo the oats and move straight to indiscriminate pulverization.
negociosdaterra via YouTube
Nothing stings quite like a goat to the uterus.
In the past few days, you may have gotten wind of a media frenzy concerning a harmless Cheerios commercial featuring an adorable little girl pouring cereal on her sleeping father.
There's nothing funny about ruining a working man's nap.