Sports encourage people to put themselves through rigorous physical torture for the chance to earn the glorious admiration and respect of their peers. The following sports do all of that first thing and none of the second.
#4. World Sauna Championships
The World Sauna Championships is exactly what it sounds like: Competitors sit in a sauna for as long as they can, enduring a temperature of 230 degrees Fahrenheit in hopes of outlasting everyone else and being crowned Sauna Champion of the World.
The whole fucking world.
To put it soundly: The world tends to be a bit of a fuck, and there's no better way to dwell on that than by reading up on the news. After all, no one is racing to tweet about the time a man refrains from eating another dude's face, no matter how badly that man may have wanted to.
Still, every now and then something good squeezes through -- a light at the end of the tunnel -- and we're forced to face the fact that for every missing face, there's a full stomach. Here are such good sides to otherwise shitty stories ...
#3. We're Not Losing Polar Bears; They're Just Turning Brown
Go ahead and Google Image search "polar bears global warming" and see what happens. As always, we'll wait; we're here all day.
DEA / C. Sappa
Just like this guy ...
Bands have to make sure their live performances are entertaining, because otherwise people could just listen to their albums in the privacy of their own homes without having to spend a hundred dollars to go stand in a crowd of thousands of beer-soaked strangers for four hours. However, some bands take things a little too far, because "safety" has the same number of letters as "boring."
#5. Rammstein Sets Everything on Fire
Rammstein is a band known for being terrifying and German, and their live shows attempt to excel at both of those descriptors by literally setting everything on fire, including themselves. They even wear flamethrowers, which we imagine must make it difficult to play an instrument. The heat is so intense that, on occasion, people have been carried out of Rammstein concerts after suffering heat strokes and lighting gantries have been seen glowing red-hot from repeated fireball hits and intense European rage metal.
Any Catholic knows the hardship of having to give up eating meat every Friday in the weeks before Easter. However, throughout the years the Catholic church has made some bizarre exceptions to this rule to allow its followers to skip the whole "personal sacrifice" thing (which is the entire point of Lent) and eat the meat of certain animals guilt-free, leaving them plenty of room to feel guilty about everything else (which is the entire point of Catholicism).