Quick Fixes

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April 17, 2013

Why 'Time' Has Published the Least Responsible 'How To' Ever

By David Christopher Bell | 204,929 Views

Sometimes it's not enough to simply inform people of what happens in the world -- you have to jazz it up for the fearful and/or easily distracted. For example, Time magazine's online counterpart has recently started framing news events as quirky "how-to" stories like "How to Completely Screw Up a Hit-Man Scam in Five Easy Steps." Just as recently, a man in Detroit managed to catch a child predator by posing as his daughter and inviting the man into his home. The result?

Time
They must have drugged their legal team to get this published.

Videos

April 16, 2013

Why the New 'Hunger Games' Movie Is Orange and Blue

By David Wong | 284,740 Views

The trailer for the Hunger Games sequel (The Hunger Games: Catching Fire) was released on Sunday, in which it was revealed that the film has been shot in two colors. We've broken it down shot by shot below and explained the reason why this keeps happening:

Yes, while televisions are moving to ultra high definition and video games are set to debut entire new standards in graphics this summer, Hollywood has decided to simplify, and all future movies will be light blue and orange. You may remember that we previously pointed this out as one of the annoying trends that make every movie look the same.

So we start off with the Lionsgate logo, which has been blued for your pleasure:

Now cut to the washed-out blue crowd of this sad, blue, dystopian blue future:

BAM! The villains are watching the blue from an orange-filtered room! Worlds are colliding!

The blue hero!

The orange villain!

The bluish/gray trucks of the evil empire, perfect camouflage in this godforsaken dull blue world!

The blue peasants are revolting!

Woody Harrelson has infiltrated the orange! But whose side is he on?

The heroes watch blue citizens being oppressed through an orange curtain!

The war begins! Behold the titular orange fire of the uprising cutting through the dark blue night of oppression!

Orange words!

"Smell the hand of freedom, Captain Tealshirt!"

Orange logo!

The heroes brave the blue!

You'll remember this date because it's in orange, motherfucker!

So why the two-color approach all of a sudden? Science! As we explained last time, it's due to the color wheel:

See how teal and orange are at opposite sides? That means they're pleasing when paired together, and since these two colors are the most scientifically pleasing, Hollywood just decided that all blockbuster movies would be nothing but teal and orange from now on. After all, carefully conforming to what science says audiences find pleasing to the senses is the very definition of art.

And of course they are free to adjust the blue to washed-out gray now and then:

And now all of us can enjoy movies on the same level as colorblind dogs!

Article

April 14, 2013

The 6 Most Ridiculous Guitar Designs

By Levon Ritter | 286,439 Views

In the world of music, there's always going to be innovation, creativity, and products of intense drug use masquerading as innovation and creativity. The following guitars are primarily examples of that last category.

#6. The Gittler Guitar

Gittler Instruments

Article

April 13, 2013

5 Monster-Sized Versions of Bugs That Will Haunt Your Dreams

By E. Reid Ross | 354,742 Views

Bugs may have fangs, stingers and howling star-spawn faces, but at least humans have the size advantage, right?

No. No, we do not.

#5. Grubs

This hulking dinosaur maggot is the grub of the Hercules beetle, which can be found squirming in and around piles of rotting wood down in Central and South America. It can grow up to 4-and-a-half inches long, leaving it sufficient room in its abdomen to digest your nightmares.

verypurpleperson
They then crawl into your ear and regurgitate them back into your mind as you sleep.