Microsoft announced their new Xbox console (the Xbox One) on Tuesday, which boasts amazing new technology that will make your entire entertainment experience significantly worse.
I'm not talking about specific games here, because they didn't really mention them. The presentation was an hour long, and the first shot of actual gameplay came 57 minutes in -- it was a brief glimpse of Call of Duty: Ghosts ...
It looks like this.
... with a side-by side comparison of that game versus the last CoD game on the 360, to show off the advances in graphics:
The differences are so startling, I don't even need to tell you which column is which.
Instead, they spent the whole presentation explaining how the system will take over all of your favorite electronic hobbies and make you hate them.
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As you've probably noticed, Hollywood has a strange, recurring habit of releasing two films about the exact same thing at almost the exact same time. Think Armageddon and Deep Impact (both were about asteroids), The Illusionist and The Prestige (old-timey magicians), and Titanic and Batman and Robin (ice) -- all of these were released in the same year as each other.
Normally, this usually only happens once every few years, like the Olympics. But this year, we're seeing a disturbing increase in the trend of movies double- and triple-dipping. Here are four exciting plots you'll see again and again (and again!) in 2013.
#4. The White House Is Under Attack!
Considering the entire decade of the 1980s, the fact that Hollywood hasn't done a mainstream White House hostage film until now is baffling. So this year, cinema history is making up for lost time and taking a big fiery dump in the Lincoln Bedroom.
"It's Air Force One, but ... on land! Land Force One!"
The first gun made entirely of 3D-printed parts recently debuted, and despite the best efforts of its creators, it looks pretty stupid. When your gun looks like something an 8-year-old built out of LEGO bricks, you're not gonna intimidate anyone (except maybe some other poor bastard 8-year-old whose parents bought him Mega Bloks).
But obviously, aesthetics aren't the point here, right? It doesn't matter that the "Liberator" is stupid-looking, because it's still a deadly weapon available to everyone with a 3D printer, huh? Sure, it looks like a lump of packing filler, but criminals everywhere will soon be brandishing these homemade firearms, running amok in the streets, correct? Well, not exactly.
#6. It's Not Cheap
If the whole point of the Liberator is to make access to guns easier, it's a fairly large oversight that the 3D printer required to print it will set one back $8,000.
Which is why it looks like a coffee machine.