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July 06, 2013

4 Ways Drones Will Soon Make the Future Miserable

By Alaric Penname | 257,010 Views

We never got our flying cars, hoverboards, or evolved talking ape people like science fiction promised us, but we do have something close: unmanned drones. Unmanned aerial vehicles, or UAVs, are kind of like Rosie the Robot, if Rosie was tasked with killing terrorists and didn't have a sassy mouth. If you could get a soulless robot to do your job for you, would you? Of course. And that's why unmanned flying drones exist and aren't going anywhere any time soon.

That's also why you should be pretty scared.

#4. The Pervert Brigade Now Has a Brand New Weapon in Its Creepy Arsenal

As long as there are women who are willing to step outside the house with more than a wristful of skin showing, there are going to be men who want to stare at them. Nobody's happy about it, but that's where we are. Up until now, women could take comfort in knowing that unless they were enormously famous or living next door to a complete creep, backyards and private homes were safe territory. Not anymore.

U.S. Navy / Getty
"Say goodbye to nude sunbathing Thursdays, gentlemen."

Article

July 05, 2013

4 Reasons Mosquitos Will Be Terrifying This Summer

By David Christopher Bell | 263,467 Views

With gorgeous summer weather comes one of nature's most inexplicably trollish creations: the mosquito. And thanks to some horrifying new developments, this summer is going to be loaded with thousands of giant, ultra-deadly super mosquitoes hellbent on sticking you full of more dirty needles than a dumpster dive behind a methadone clinic.

#4. There's Going to Be a Shit-Ton of Them

Thanks to the weather being pretty well fucked all around, we're seeing a crushing combination of extreme heat and rainfall that's shaping up to make 2013 the banner year for mosquito invasion.

Photos.com
We had to blur out the graphic mosquito orgy going on in this photo.

Article

July 04, 2013

5 Evil Ways Companies Are Charging You For Doing Nothing

By Hillery Alley | 427,072 Views

Several famous companies love nothing more than to concoct new diabolical ways to charge consumers ridiculous disguised fees for doing absolutely nothing at all. Honestly, we all might as well be throwing our money into a garbage can, because at least then we would actually be able to see where it was going.

#5. AT&T

Recently AT&T began collecting what they called an "administration fee" from their customers. They just added an extra 61 cents onto everyone's bill without telling anyone, because it is precisely that easy to do. AT&T customers received nothing extra in return except for an ambiguous phrase on their monthly invoice. AT&T, on the other hand, received an extra half billion dollars, because America is awesome.

Spencer Platt/Getty Images News/Getty Images
"Next time we'll just charge 69 cents, since that's the closest this fee will come to servicing you."

Article

July 03, 2013

5 New Apps Explicitly Designed For Awful Human Beings

By David Christopher Bell | 577,933 Views

A smartphone is like the new wallet, in that you can rifle through one quickly to see if its owner is a complete psychopath. And nowadays, phone apps have taken the place of such familiar billfold red flags as handcuff keys, bloody fingernails, baggies of horse tranquilizer, and Dave Matthews Band tickets.

So if you spy your loved ones using any of the following apps, change your name, take to the hills, and enjoy your new life as an old-timey jug merchant. Why? Because these apps let you ...

#5. Comb Facebook for Awkward Sex

The biggest problem with Facebook is that it's difficult to completely alienate yourself from friends and family without the assistance of scotch and politics. But thanks to the app Bang With Friends -- which Apple has already banned -- you don't need these lubricants to reduce your social life to a flaming desert of ash speckled with oases of shit-filled magma.


"This is the way our friendship ends. Not with a bang."