Quick Fixes


July 09, 2013

4 Groups of Fans Who Have Apparently Lost Their Mind

By J.F. Sargent | 469,269 Views

Whenever a famous person turns crazy -- and we've pointed out that it can happen to even the most respected celebrities (you're next, Betty White) -- their fans will solemnly step back and say to their fallen idol, "We're not going to fawn over you until you get your shit together." Just kidding! They'll react by defending their absolutely indefensible celebrity hero, which leads to deranged overreactions such as these ...

#4. Paula Deen Fans Are Redefining Racism

What Happened:

As you may have heard, professional TV chef and walking parody of Southern values Paula Deen recently admitted to dropping the N-bomb and outright lamented the fact that we don't have singing and dancing slaves anymore. So yeah, she's either A) a racist or B) cursed with an undiagnosed mental condition where "Song of the South" plays on a loop in her brain 24/7.


July 08, 2013

4 Criminal Items People Found in Their Fast Food Order

By Andrew Maguire | 370,941 Views

If recent local news stories (and Breaking Bad) have taught us anything, it's that fast food restaurants have become centers of criminal enterprise. It makes sense, if you think about it -- somebody trading money for a mysterious paper sack is much less suspicious at a drive-thru window than on a street corner. However, the underworld masterminds behind this new fast food initiative have yet to iron all the kinks out of the process, and unsuspecting customers are finding all sorts of contraband thrown in with their Value Meals.

#4. $3,600


July 06, 2013

4 Ways Drones Will Soon Make the Future Miserable

By Alaric Penname | 261,654 Views

We never got our flying cars, hoverboards, or evolved talking ape people like science fiction promised us, but we do have something close: unmanned drones. Unmanned aerial vehicles, or UAVs, are kind of like Rosie the Robot, if Rosie was tasked with killing terrorists and didn't have a sassy mouth. If you could get a soulless robot to do your job for you, would you? Of course. And that's why unmanned flying drones exist and aren't going anywhere any time soon.

That's also why you should be pretty scared.

#4. The Pervert Brigade Now Has a Brand New Weapon in Its Creepy Arsenal

As long as there are women who are willing to step outside the house with more than a wristful of skin showing, there are going to be men who want to stare at them. Nobody's happy about it, but that's where we are. Up until now, women could take comfort in knowing that unless they were enormously famous or living next door to a complete creep, backyards and private homes were safe territory. Not anymore.

U.S. Navy / Getty
"Say goodbye to nude sunbathing Thursdays, gentlemen."


July 05, 2013

4 Reasons Mosquitos Will Be Terrifying This Summer

By David Christopher Bell | 268,285 Views

With gorgeous summer weather comes one of nature's most inexplicably trollish creations: the mosquito. And thanks to some horrifying new developments, this summer is going to be loaded with thousands of giant, ultra-deadly super mosquitoes hellbent on sticking you full of more dirty needles than a dumpster dive behind a methadone clinic.

#4. There's Going to Be a Shit-Ton of Them

Thanks to the weather being pretty well fucked all around, we're seeing a crushing combination of extreme heat and rainfall that's shaping up to make 2013 the banner year for mosquito invasion.

We had to blur out the graphic mosquito orgy going on in this photo.