With gorgeous summer weather comes one of nature's most inexplicably trollish creations: the mosquito. And thanks to some horrifying new developments, this summer is going to be loaded with thousands of giant, ultra-deadly super mosquitoes hellbent on sticking you full of more dirty needles than a dumpster dive behind a methadone clinic.
#4. There's Going to Be a Shit-Ton of Them
We had to blur out the graphic mosquito orgy going on in this photo.
Several famous companies love nothing more than to concoct new diabolical ways to charge consumers ridiculous disguised fees for doing absolutely nothing at all. Honestly, we all might as well be throwing our money into a garbage can, because at least then we would actually be able to see where it was going.
Recently AT&T began collecting what they called an "administration fee" from their customers. They just added an extra 61 cents onto everyone's bill without telling anyone, because it is precisely that easy to do. AT&T customers received nothing extra in return except for an ambiguous phrase on their monthly invoice. AT&T, on the other hand, received an extra half billion dollars, because America is awesome.
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"Next time we'll just charge 69 cents, since that's the closest this fee will come to servicing you."
A smartphone is like the new wallet, in that you can rifle through one quickly to see if its owner is a complete psychopath. And nowadays, phone apps have taken the place of such familiar billfold red flags as handcuff keys, bloody fingernails, baggies of horse tranquilizer, and Dave Matthews Band tickets.
So if you spy your loved ones using any of the following apps, change your name, take to the hills, and enjoy your new life as an old-timey jug merchant. Why? Because these apps let you ...
#5. Comb Facebook for Awkward Sex
The biggest problem with Facebook is that it's difficult to completely alienate yourself from friends and family without the assistance of scotch and politics. But thanks to the app Bang With Friends -- which Apple has already banned -- you don't need these lubricants to reduce your social life to a flaming desert of ash speckled with oases of shit-filled magma.
"This is the way our friendship ends. Not with a bang."
There are very few actors who can pull off the superhuman look: Vin Diesel, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and possibly Bruce Willis, provided his chin doesn't disappear any further into his neck. However, only one action star actually behaves like a superhuman, and that's Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. If his recent escapades are any indication, he apparently crash landed on Earth in a space bassinet and is only just now discovering the extent of his alien abilities.
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One of which is the power to wear that outfit without looking like a douche.