Quick Fixes

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May 27, 2013

6 Ridiculous Tumblrs That Yahoo Just Paid $1 Billion For

By Alex Hanton | 359,604 Views

Irritating punctuation enthusiast Yahoo! recently agreed to pay $1.1 billion for popular blogging site/My Little Pony porn host Tumblr. This was big news for a couple of reasons. First of all, Yahoo! is not only apparently still a thing, but also somehow has a billion dollars to throw around. Secondly, a lot of experts have been questioning whether the deal makes good financial sense. Which of course is ridiculous -- Tumblr has approximately 108 million blogs ... that's only about $10 a blog. And just look what they're getting ...

#6. The Same Picture of Dave Coulier Every Day

Same Pic of Dave Coulier

Article

May 26, 2013

How Toronto's Totally Deranged Mayor Stayed in Office

By Alaric Penname | 239,323 Views

Last week, the gossip site Gawker announced the most exciting news to come out of Canada since the Bering land bridge closed up: Somali drug dealers possess a video of the mayor of Toronto smoking crack, glass pipe and all. Not snorting coke off of a stripper's boobs like your run-of-the-mill high-functioning degenerate -- he was straight up smoking crack, the drug of choice for anyone three steps away from sleeping in a dumpster for shelter.

Suddenly America discovered that our sleepy neighbor to the north has been holding out on us. Not only did Toronto knowingly elect a morbidly obese chronic substance abuser for mayor, but this guy has been Chris Farleying it up for years. We've just been too caught up in our own screwed up politicians to notice. So here's the question everyone is asking: How did this guy become top Toronto dog in the first place?

The answer is simple. Rob Ford might just be the greatest politician of all time.

Rene Johnston / Toronto Star / Getty
They call him the white Canadian Biggie Smalls.

Article

May 25, 2013

How a Conspiracy to Raise Beer Prices Invented Hipsters

By David Christopher Bell | 205,873 Views

Hipsters! Aren't they a wacky breed? No one thinks they are one, everyone has different definitions of what they are, and -- despite the fact that hipsters pioneered the "homeless librarians wearing Oktoberfest hats" aesthetic -- absolutely nobody wants to fuck them. In fact, one of the few defining hipster traits we can nail down is that they drink cheap beer, specifically Pabst Blue Ribbon.

swanksalot
It keeps their neckbeards curly.

Article

May 24, 2013

3 Reasons to Fear the New Gun That Can Post to Facebook

By David Christopher Bell | 188,588 Views

A gun company named TrackingPoint recently figured that, since we now have smart cars and smartphones, why not sell a "smart rifle"? Since no one else was around to answer that question, they actually went ahead and made the thing: Meet the TrackPoint XS1, which can do everything from guiding shots to streaming video. Also, it has motherfucking USB ports.

TrackingPoint
"Now I can charge my PS3 remote AND shoot animals!"