Martha Stewart is one of an extremely limited number of convicted felons who can still have literally anything they want out of life. From jobs to money to friends and everything beyond, Martha Stewart, for all intents and purposes, should want for nothing. So why in the hell is this happening?
That's Martha Stewart's shiny new Match.com online dating profile. "The old huntress is looking for some silver foxtail," as nobody ever says.
It all started when beige Muppet Matt Lauer did what appeared to be an innocent "day in the life" segment for his good pal Martha Stewart, who was promoting her new book on the TODAY show.
Filmed on location at the kind of place where "Release the hounds!" still means something.
Overshadowed by tragic bombings and exhaustive manhunts, a man from Mississippi named Paul Kevin Curtis was charged with mailing ricin-laced letters to President Obama, U.S. Senator Roger Wicker, and a Mississippi judge, because if you're going to try to kill the president, you might as well round out your enemies list while you're at it.
Win McNamee / Getty
"All we know for certain is that this guy is a real go-getter."
Just on concept alone, solar power is a pretty easy sell. Who doesn't want to harness the power of the sun like an Egyptian god or the Kool-Aid Thirsties? Heck, just stick Superman on whatever box solar panels come in and you're good to go. It's hard to screw up something that could run your car for free, which makes what we're about to show you that much more incredible.
AP / Solar Impulse
Gasoline doesn't look so bad now, does it?
Pizza Hut has created an app that lets you order pizza from your Xbox, finally allowing hardcore gamers who somehow don't own a cellphone or computer to enjoy cheese that tastes like melted plastic on top of some form of cardboard that resembles bread. According to "experts," this is the greatest gaming innovation since EverQuest II and Pizza Hut teamed up to bring you the exact same service that nobody cared about in 2005.
USA Today says that Pizza Hut is reaching out to "its hard-to-reach target -- young men 18 to 24." Yeah, it must be tough to sell cheap, greasy pizza to a demographic that thinks malt liquor and Bugles are a balanced breakfast, Pizza Hut. How did they get the impression that young adults are so busy trying to make the perfect souffle that the idea of ordering a pizza never crosses their mind?
What the average college student eats, according to Pizza Hut.